Spin-off on childless thread - giving up on #2

[Anonymous]

We are currently struggling with secondary infertility. I guess I'm at the point where I'm just tired of trying. I feel pretty depressed and I feel terribly guilty that DD will not have a sibling. DD is just a toddler and I'm home with her full-time so she participates in a lot of activities and gets plenty of time with other kids. Still, I'm afraid one day she will ask me why she doesn't have a sister or brother and it will just rip my heart out. Any thoughts on this?

[Anonymous]

I am feeling the exact same way. I really have nothing to add but that I am in the same boat as you.

[Anonymous]

ditto. Mine's five. Two recent losses. When she is older and asks, the answer is simple. We tried. If you are trying, you can't feel guilty. It's not your fault.

[Anonymous]

We're in the same boat, too.

I try to remind myself that there are many ways to have a happy family. And I think about my friends who are only children who had wonderful childhoods and are great people. (They totally shatter those silly stereotypes of only children.)

But it's not what we hoped for, and the possibility still makes us sad.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry. So hard. We're dealing with secondary infertilty and getting started with IUI next month. I'm afraid because my mother wasn't able to have more kids after me.

I do want to say that as an only child growing up, I was mostly happy to have my parents' attention all to myself. My mom has mentioned a few times that she felt bad for me when I was little. But she made sure we spent a lot of time with my cousins and good family friends who had an only child my age. So on vacations, etc, I always had company. Holidays always had a ton of people. I really didn't feel anything lacking. Of course, I realize it's because I don't know what I'm missing. But I know now that it was harder on her then on me. I hope that's some comfort.

[Anonymous]

Truthfully as an only child I can say I was upset not to have a sibling. Feel it more now that I am getting older and realize my parents won't be here forever. That said I had a wonderful life, lots of friends and don't hold anything against my parents for not trying.

[Anonymous]

We're struggling too with #2. However, I have a dear friend w/ an only son who is like a mom to me. She tells everyone I'm the daughter she always wished for. I'm grateful I can be that for her. As for her son: they were told no more kids so they didn't feel guilty.

[Anonymous]

Wow there is a lot of us... Also have a 2yo and 2 mcs in the past 8 months. It's hard but we
will keep trying.

[Anonymous]

I've had two m/cs in the last 8 months as well. Keeping the faith with the previous poster. We are going to keep trying to, but I am as old as the hills.

[Anonymous]

#1 just turned 3 and we have had 3 losses in the last year. Also struggling and really hoping to have the big family we'd always envisioned.

[Anonymous]

We are here too. We have a three year old, suffered a miscarriage earlier this year, and now am experiencing a "threatened miscarriage" - waiting to lose this one any day now. This experience has been so stressful especially since the first time around was so easy with no complications. We are going to take a few months off after this because I can't handle the emotional roller-coaster. We will try again at a later point but I think we have both made peace with the idea of just having one if that is what is meant to be.

[Anonymous]

After needing IVF to conceive our first, this is my biggest fear about trying for our second. I know that it is most likely we'll have to do IVF again, and I don't think we'll be able to afford it. I was an only child and I just don't want DD to have to be all alone like I was growing up.

[Anonymous]

To those with 1dc and two or more losses after that... Any idea of what is wrong?

[Anonymous]

I think my problem is low progesterone

[Anonymous]

i too have a 3 year old- but only 1 loss afterwards...we have been TTC since that loss (when my 3 yr old was 7 mos. old)-- we have had 4 failed medicated IUI's, 1 cancelled IVF and we are in the midst of a failed IVF - nothing to transfer -- which will be our last TTC attempt w/assistance (we're out of $$)... in the last month both of my husband's good friends wives have announced their second pregnancies (and both their firsts are younger than my child)... and this weekend I am going to the baptism of a friends twins... my DH seems to be coming to terms w/only having one-- and doesn't understand how hard it is for me to go out w/ and chat w/his friends wives while watching their bumps grow-- first let me say I HATE that it is hard for me (i am truly happy for all of them) but right now it is.. how do i get my husband to understand that at times I just don't want to be in that situation? also please tell me it gets easier-- i can't imagine feeling this awful forever?? i came from a large family and can't imagine life w/o my siblings-- my heart breaks every time about the fact that my child w/miss out on that!!