How much bad behavior is acceptable?

[Anonymous]

Kids are in their last year of private and will be going public next year (4th, 6th, 11th grade). More than one friend has said we're in for a rude awakening: swearing, screaming, skimpy clothing, physical altercations, etc. Not to sound ridiculously out of touch, but this certainly wasn't how public school was in the late 90's. Are they overstating what schools will tolerate?

[Anonymous]

Well first, who are you hearing this from? Friends with kids in public? In private? Kids in public for elementary then private after? Etc. It makes a big difference.

My experience with kids in public school is that there is concerning behavior but (1) the worst stuff really is limited to a handful of kids, and (2) a lot of stuff gets blown out of proportion.

I think in some cases classroom behavior is worse than when I was in school because there is more mainstreaming of kids with serious issues. I think back then, these kids would have been forced into alternative tracks (my HS had an "alternative school" for kids whose needs were poorly met by the main school). And now they'll just be in class with your kid. That part is hard. But if your kids are honors track, you don't encounter it very much, so that's something.

And you have to be wary of reactionary behavior from kids and adults. There will be some incident, say kids drinking in a bathroom. Which yes, is bad! But from my perspective, if it was caught, that's good. If my kid was not involved, that's good. If it was just a 2-3 kids, that means most kids weren't involved. And so on. If you've got a school with hundreds (sometimes thousands) of kids, these sorts of things are inevitable. But there is a tendency to blow each individual incident up into the end of civilization. Learn to keep your head down and focus on your kid, their experience, and doing what you can to support them and address issues that are specific to them. Try to ignore the noise a bit.

It's not totally wrong but it's not nearly as bad as what you are hearing, and some of the people saying this either don't actually know or are naturally dramatic people. We have a friend who teaches and is actually the worst person I know in terms of blowing this stuff out of proportion. Some people are just dramatic.

[Anonymous]

How much bad behavior is acceptable? Or how much bad behavior EXISTS?

[Anonymous]

Well you’re saving what, 90k/year? A little misbehavior sounds worth that much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How much bad behavior is acceptable? Or how much bad behavior EXISTS?

Tolerated! Has been a long day...

These are friends with kids in public schools who think I'm being naive when I'm shocked about sex acts in the bathroom, for example. Has it happened in our private? Sure. Once in the past 10 years. Both were suspended. Friends say that wouldn't be a disciplinary event in their publics, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids are in their last year of private and will be going public next year (4th, 6th, 11th grade). More than one friend has said we're in for a rude awakening: swearing, screaming, skimpy clothing, physical altercations, etc. Not to sound ridiculously out of touch, but this certainly wasn't how public school was in the late 90's. Are they overstating what schools will tolerate?

Yes this all occurs in public. It sucks for those of us who don’t have another option if we want to pay for college and retire someday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much bad behavior is acceptable? Or how much bad behavior EXISTS?

Tolerated! Has been a long day...

These are friends with kids in public schools who think I'm being naive when I'm shocked about sex acts in the bathroom, for example. Has it happened in our private? Sure. Once in the past 10 years. Both were suspended. Friends say that wouldn't be a disciplinary event in their publics, though.

Probably would not be. They would have to be caught first and the person catching them would need to energy to report it rather than just tell them to get back to class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much bad behavior is acceptable? Or how much bad behavior EXISTS?

Tolerated! Has been a long day...

These are friends with kids in public schools who think I'm being naive when I'm shocked about sex acts in the bathroom, for example. Has it happened in our private? Sure. Once in the past 10 years. Both were suspended. Friends say that wouldn't be a disciplinary event in their publics, though.

Probably would not be. They would have to be caught first and the person catching them would need to energy to report it rather than just tell them to get back to class.

Wow. Ok, I am naive.

[Anonymous]

It’s really luck if the draw. My two kids were at the same public school 2 years apart. Oldest was lucky and got the really good teacher on each grade, no one in his class was totally out of control. Once a kid yelled at a teacher and ran out of the class but overall there were mild behavior problems. He learned a lot and I was impressed with how well he learned math and the writing lessons and projects they did.

My youngest two years later had really bad luck. His kindergarten teacher job shared with another teacher who came in 2 days a week. The teachers had vastly different styles and expectations which confused my kid. Neither teacher seemed like they really wanted to teach. On first grade he was in a completely out of control classroom. Two kids would destroy the class, attack the special Ed aid, other students, and/or the teacher. At least once a week the class had to be evacuated. It was awful. The next year my son had a series of long term subs and the class was out of control. My son came home with paper airplanes he made and flew on the class everyday but no work. Another mom volunteered in the class and she said one kid crawled under a table and cried everyday, one kid threw things, three kids ran in and out if the classroom, etc. The final straw was when my son got hit in the head with a rock that landed an inch from his eye. I pulled him out for third grade and sent him to our local Catholic schools. He was in shock the first day that kids all behaved and sat and listened to the teacher and did work. Literally Everyday he would come home and comment how strange it seemed that no one misbehaved.

[Anonymous]

From your own child? Talk to your child constantly. Keep communication open. Accept that your child will be influenced by your child's environment, but make sure your children know your stance. Make sure they understand what the school isn't teaching: that certain behavior, while accepted at school, isn't acceptable for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well first, who are you hearing this from? Friends with kids in public? In private? Kids in public for elementary then private after? Etc. It makes a big difference.

My experience with kids in public school is that there is concerning behavior but (1) the worst stuff really is limited to a handful of kids, and (2) a lot of stuff gets blown out of proportion.

I think in some cases classroom behavior is worse than when I was in school because there is more mainstreaming of kids with serious issues. I think back then, these kids would have been forced into alternative tracks (my HS had an "alternative school" for kids whose needs were poorly met by the main school). And now they'll just be in class with your kid. That part is hard. But if your kids are honors track, you don't encounter it very much, so that's something.

And you have to be wary of reactionary behavior from kids and adults. There will be some incident, say kids drinking in a bathroom. Which yes, is bad! But from my perspective, if it was caught, that's good. If my kid was not involved, that's good. If it was just a 2-3 kids, that means most kids weren't involved. And so on. If you've got a school with hundreds (sometimes thousands) of kids, these sorts of things are inevitable. But there is a tendency to blow each individual incident up into the end of civilization. Learn to keep your head down and focus on your kid, their experience, and doing what you can to support them and address issues that are specific to them. Try to ignore the noise a bit.

It's not totally wrong but it's not nearly as bad as what you are hearing, and some of the people saying this either don't actually know or are naturally dramatic people. We have a friend who teaches and is actually the worst person I know in terms of blowing this stuff out of proportion. Some people are just dramatic.

So you are a better judge than someone who is in a classroom? The number of teachers leaving the profession says otherwise...

[Anonymous]

We went to public school after a few years in private and it was a very rude awakening.

[Anonymous]

Totally depends on the public school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids are in their last year of private and will be going public next year (4th, 6th, 11th grade). More than one friend has said we're in for a rude awakening: swearing, screaming, skimpy clothing, physical altercations, etc. Not to sound ridiculously out of touch, but this certainly wasn't how public school was in the late 90's. Are they overstating what schools will tolerate?

This happened in the 90s too.

[Anonymous]

I went to school in the 90's in an UMC suburb of NYC. Would you like to hear about the girl who punched me in the face, got caught by a teacher and held back only to agree she'd calmed down when the teacher asked her and then promptly punch me again? Or would you like to hear about when my math teacher got angry at a new girl for not understanding what he was teaching and picked up a desk/chair combo and threw it overhead at her. Or would you like to hear about how the rips in our jeans progressively got higher and higher up our thighs as we wore them with tank tops and an open flannel over the tank (except sometimes we tied the flannel around our waists). Or would you like to hear about the two seniors who purposely spilled chemical acid all over a classroom? Or when two different seniors kidnapped two freshman and drove them out to the middle of nowhere in the trunk of a car and then dumped them leaving them to walk back to school? Or about the kid who got angry at a teacher and beat the crap out of the boy nearest him, breaking that boy's ribs?

I could go on. But my point is this happened in the 90's.