Introverted kids - when to worry

[Anonymous]

My freshman DD is very much an introvert. She would be perfectly happy being home all day watching tv if I let her. She has joined a couple clubs at school only because we insisted, but they have yet to start. She has a couple friends from MS but as far as I know she hasn’t seen them at school at all, they are in different classes and don’t eat lunch together.
She has a good friend who moved away and they text and talk on the phone, which is great. But whenever I suggest inviting that friend over or doing something with her she says “maybe” but never does it. I asked if she wanted to do something with that friend for her upcoming birthday but she flat out refused. She plays a rec sport but hasn’t made any friends through that.
I am a total introvert and not very social at all but at that age I did want to see the few friends I had outside of school once in a while, so I am having a hard time understanding and worry that she’s too isolated.

[Anonymous]

She's not isolated - she's literally at school surrounded by kids for six hours a day. She's not you. Can't you understand she doesn't want what you wanted? She'll be in clubs with kids, she'll be in a sport with kids, she goes to school with kids. Enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's not isolated - she's literally at school surrounded by kids for six hours a day. She's not you. Can't you understand she doesn't want what you wanted? She'll be in clubs with kids, she'll be in a sport with kids, she goes to school with kids. Enough.

So much unnecessary anger here. So this PP is saying it’s fine to leave her in her room watching tv constantly when she’s not at school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's not isolated - she's literally at school surrounded by kids for six hours a day. She's not you. Can't you understand she doesn't want what you wanted? She'll be in clubs with kids, she'll be in a sport with kids, she goes to school with kids. Enough.

So much unnecessary anger here. So this PP is saying it’s fine to leave her in her room watching tv constantly when she’s not at school?

Why are you attributing emotion? I wasn't angry at all. And who said anything about screen time? Not me. You. She can do tons of things at home without friends that don't involve sitting on her bed staring at a screen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's not isolated - she's literally at school surrounded by kids for six hours a day. She's not you. Can't you understand she doesn't want what you wanted? She'll be in clubs with kids, she'll be in a sport with kids, she goes to school with kids. Enough.

So much unnecessary anger here. So this PP is saying it’s fine to leave her in her room watching tv constantly when she’s not at school?

Why are you attributing emotion? I wasn't angry at all. And who said anything about screen time? Not me. You. She can do tons of things at home without friends that don't involve sitting on her bed staring at a screen.

NP here. Your tone was definitely aggressive and chastising. Maybe you didn’t mean it, but that’s how it comes across.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's not isolated - she's literally at school surrounded by kids for six hours a day. She's not you. Can't you understand she doesn't want what you wanted? She'll be in clubs with kids, she'll be in a sport with kids, she goes to school with kids. Enough.

So much unnecessary anger here. So this PP is saying it’s fine to leave her in her room watching tv constantly when she’s not at school?

Why are you attributing emotion? I wasn't angry at all. And who said anything about screen time? Not me. You. She can do tons of things at home without friends that don't involve sitting on her bed staring at a screen.

NP here. Your tone was definitely aggressive and chastising. Maybe you didn’t mean it, but that’s how it comes across.

+1. scolding OP. yikes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's not isolated - she's literally at school surrounded by kids for six hours a day. She's not you. Can't you understand she doesn't want what you wanted? She'll be in clubs with kids, she'll be in a sport with kids, she goes to school with kids. Enough.

So much unnecessary anger here. So this PP is saying it’s fine to leave her in her room watching tv constantly when she’s not at school?

Why are you attributing emotion? I wasn't angry at all. And who said anything about screen time? Not me. You. She can do tons of things at home without friends that don't involve sitting on her bed staring at a screen.

NP here. Your tone was definitely aggressive and chastising. Maybe you didn’t mean it, but that’s how it comes across.

Sorry I'm not Southern. I'm a NYer, and my people are blunt. I am not going to sugarcoat things for adults.

[Anonymous]

What is it that you're worried about? Is she happy? Does she seem depressed? Can she carry on conversations when she needs to and advocate for herself? Can she complete professional transactions like speaking to a store clerk?

[Anonymous]

OP, is she truly introverted or is she shy?

[Anonymous]

My freshman DD is also introverted and has only a handful of friends which is enough for her. My daughter tells me it takes a lot of energy to get through the day and she is spent when she gets home. If she wants to see friends she will let me know but usually she’s happy listening to music or reading in her room. I have to remind myself to let her guide things. Pop culture makes it seem that teens are always hanging out and socializing but I don’t think that works for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's not isolated - she's literally at school surrounded by kids for six hours a day. She's not you. Can't you understand she doesn't want what you wanted? She'll be in clubs with kids, she'll be in a sport with kids, she goes to school with kids. Enough.

You are the same poster who were beyond rude to my genuine question about my teenager- and led me to take down my post- this is bullying - just STOP

[Anonymous]

I think this is a good age to insist on some kind of community service, where she will meet others, and be sure that she is not on screens all the time.

[Anonymous]

She sounds happy. What's wrong with you?

[Anonymous]

This is OP. I think she’s generally happy but it’s hard to tell sometimes since she’s also a typical moody and quiet teenager. Which is why I worry.
For the PP who also has an introverted kid - I would be fine if DD told me once in a while that she wants to see her friend. But her only interaction with her one friend is over the phone or text. She has no desire to see anyone.
I was that quiet kid at school so I know how lonely it can be. Yes you’re around others all day but you can also go all day without saying a word to anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I think she’s generally happy but it’s hard to tell sometimes since she’s also a typical moody and quiet teenager. Which is why I worry.
For the PP who also has an introverted kid - I would be fine if DD told me once in a while that she wants to see her friend. But her only interaction with her one friend is over the phone or text. She has no desire to see anyone.
I was that quiet kid at school so I know how lonely it can be. Yes you’re around others all day but you can also go all day without saying a word to anyone.

I’m an introvert who lives alone. I’m never lonely. Except when I’m in a crowd of people. But when I get home I can exhale, go for a walk, shake that feeling off, putter around and I’m completely content. By myself.