Work friends to real-life friends

[Anonymous]

I work with a woman my age/similar stage in life, and we have been work friends for 3 years give or take. We don't actually do any work together, but are on the same team so we're constantly texting during the workday and outside of work to vent but also talk about our personal lives, and every couple weeks we chat on the phone for 30+ minutes. We're fully remote but live very close to each other. Something she mentioned to me came up in conversation with DH the other day, and he asked me if I'd ever gotten together with her in person, which I haven't. It got me thinking that that would be fun, but I feel kind of weird suggesting that years into our work friendship. Am I overthinking this? Should I just leave things virtual?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I work with a woman my age/similar stage in life, and we have been work friends for 3 years give or take. We don't actually do any work together, but are on the same team so we're constantly texting during the workday and outside of work to vent but also talk about our personal lives, and every couple weeks we chat on the phone for 30+ minutes. We're fully remote but live very close to each other. Something she mentioned to me came up in conversation with DH the other day, and he asked me if I'd ever gotten together with her in person, which I haven't. It got me thinking that that would be fun, but I feel kind of weird suggesting that years into our work friendship. Am I overthinking this? Should I just leave things virtual?

you can but work friends aren't real friends. Actually there are no real friends other than the people who saw you grow up.

[Anonymous]

Why not just ask if she wants to get coffee or lunch sometime? That’s not weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work with a woman my age/similar stage in life, and we have been work friends for 3 years give or take. We don't actually do any work together, but are on the same team so we're constantly texting during the workday and outside of work to vent but also talk about our personal lives, and every couple weeks we chat on the phone for 30+ minutes. We're fully remote but live very close to each other. Something she mentioned to me came up in conversation with DH the other day, and he asked me if I'd ever gotten together with her in person, which I haven't. It got me thinking that that would be fun, but I feel kind of weird suggesting that years into our work friendship. Am I overthinking this? Should I just leave things virtual?

you can but work friends aren't real friends. Actually there are no real friends other than the people who saw you grow up.

That might be true in your life but it isn’t universally true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why not just ask if she wants to get coffee or lunch sometime? That’s not weird.

ETA my sister had a similar situation with another remote coworker and they now get together for coffee regularly. I’d imagine that’s nice to have if you aren’t going in to an office.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work with a woman my age/similar stage in life, and we have been work friends for 3 years give or take. We don't actually do any work together, but are on the same team so we're constantly texting during the workday and outside of work to vent but also talk about our personal lives, and every couple weeks we chat on the phone for 30+ minutes. We're fully remote but live very close to each other. Something she mentioned to me came up in conversation with DH the other day, and he asked me if I'd ever gotten together with her in person, which I haven't. It got me thinking that that would be fun, but I feel kind of weird suggesting that years into our work friendship. Am I overthinking this? Should I just leave things virtual?

you can but work friends aren't real friends. Actually there are no real friends other than the people who saw you grow up.

That might be true in your life but it isn’t universally true.

And thank goodness for that! Otherwise all of us who have moved away from our hometowns would be friendless and sad!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work with a woman my age/similar stage in life, and we have been work friends for 3 years give or take. We don't actually do any work together, but are on the same team so we're constantly texting during the workday and outside of work to vent but also talk about our personal lives, and every couple weeks we chat on the phone for 30+ minutes. We're fully remote but live very close to each other. Something she mentioned to me came up in conversation with DH the other day, and he asked me if I'd ever gotten together with her in person, which I haven't. It got me thinking that that would be fun, but I feel kind of weird suggesting that years into our work friendship. Am I overthinking this? Should I just leave things virtual?

you can but work friends aren't real friends. Actually there are no real friends other than the people who saw you grow up.

That might be true in your life but it isn’t universally true.

And thank goodness for that! Otherwise all of us who have moved away from our hometowns would be friendless and sad!

Those you call friends as an adult are acquaintances. They will lose interest at the drop of a hat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work with a woman my age/similar stage in life, and we have been work friends for 3 years give or take. We don't actually do any work together, but are on the same team so we're constantly texting during the workday and outside of work to vent but also talk about our personal lives, and every couple weeks we chat on the phone for 30+ minutes. We're fully remote but live very close to each other. Something she mentioned to me came up in conversation with DH the other day, and he asked me if I'd ever gotten together with her in person, which I haven't. It got me thinking that that would be fun, but I feel kind of weird suggesting that years into our work friendship. Am I overthinking this? Should I just leave things virtual?

you can but work friends aren't real friends. Actually there are no real friends other than the people who saw you grow up.

That might be true in your life but it isn’t universally true.

Of course it is. Childhood friends are more valued and they stay for the good and the ugly. It's a non shallow non pretentious and non transactional kind of true friendship. Rest are network buddies or acquaintances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why not just ask if she wants to get coffee or lunch sometime? That’s not weird.

+1 this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work with a woman my age/similar stage in life, and we have been work friends for 3 years give or take. We don't actually do any work together, but are on the same team so we're constantly texting during the workday and outside of work to vent but also talk about our personal lives, and every couple weeks we chat on the phone for 30+ minutes. We're fully remote but live very close to each other. Something she mentioned to me came up in conversation with DH the other day, and he asked me if I'd ever gotten together with her in person, which I haven't. It got me thinking that that would be fun, but I feel kind of weird suggesting that years into our work friendship. Am I overthinking this? Should I just leave things virtual?

you can but work friends aren't real friends. Actually there are no real friends other than the people who saw you grow up.

That might be true in your life but it isn’t universally true.

Of course it is. Childhood friends are more valued and they stay for the good and the ugly. It's a non shallow non pretentious and non transactional kind of true friendship. Rest are network buddies or acquaintances.

NP, but that's a strange hill to die on. Can you really not believe that a "non pretentious and non transactional kind of true friendship" can occur in adulthood?

I kind of get where you're coming from since my most enduring friendships are from childhood. They "get" me in a way no one else does. But that's definitely not everyone. My mother moved to a different country at age 15. Her closest friends from her home country died at various times in early adulthood. So she has no childhood friends but she most definitely has friends that will do anything for her, as she will for them, and one of them she met through work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Those you call friends as an adult are acquaintances. They will lose interest at the drop of a hat.

What????

This is not universal. Of my closest friends, I met 1 at work in my 20s, we started out together & have been friends for 25 yrs. We haven’t worked together for years but still are close, talk frequently, take trips together, etc.

I met other close friends throughout my adulthood. So weird that you are writing off any relationships made for the rest of your life. There are people you may connect with now that will get you in a whole different way than people who remember you when you were 12 - both are valuable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work with a woman my age/similar stage in life, and we have been work friends for 3 years give or take. We don't actually do any work together, but are on the same team so we're constantly texting during the workday and outside of work to vent but also talk about our personal lives, and every couple weeks we chat on the phone for 30+ minutes. We're fully remote but live very close to each other. Something she mentioned to me came up in conversation with DH the other day, and he asked me if I'd ever gotten together with her in person, which I haven't. It got me thinking that that would be fun, but I feel kind of weird suggesting that years into our work friendship. Am I overthinking this? Should I just leave things virtual?

you can but work friends aren't real friends. Actually there are no real friends other than the people who saw you grow up.

That might be true in your life but it isn’t universally true.

Of course it is. Childhood friends are more valued and they stay for the good and the ugly. It's a non shallow non pretentious and non transactional kind of true friendship. Rest are network buddies or acquaintances.

I’m truly sorry that’s been your experience in life.

[Anonymous]

Hmmm. Two of my best friends in life are from work. One from my 20s and one from my 40s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work with a woman my age/similar stage in life, and we have been work friends for 3 years give or take. We don't actually do any work together, but are on the same team so we're constantly texting during the workday and outside of work to vent but also talk about our personal lives, and every couple weeks we chat on the phone for 30+ minutes. We're fully remote but live very close to each other. Something she mentioned to me came up in conversation with DH the other day, and he asked me if I'd ever gotten together with her in person, which I haven't. It got me thinking that that would be fun, but I feel kind of weird suggesting that years into our work friendship. Am I overthinking this? Should I just leave things virtual?

you can but work friends aren't real friends. Actually there are no real friends other than the people who saw you grow up.

That might be true in your life but it isn’t universally true.

Of course it is. Childhood friends are more valued and they stay for the good and the ugly. It's a non shallow non pretentious and non transactional kind of true friendship. Rest are network buddies or acquaintances.

I take it you didn't go to college or grad school and have never had a first job? Because all of my current best friends (I'm 48) are people I met in those three places.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work with a woman my age/similar stage in life, and we have been work friends for 3 years give or take. We don't actually do any work together, but are on the same team so we're constantly texting during the workday and outside of work to vent but also talk about our personal lives, and every couple weeks we chat on the phone for 30+ minutes. We're fully remote but live very close to each other. Something she mentioned to me came up in conversation with DH the other day, and he asked me if I'd ever gotten together with her in person, which I haven't. It got me thinking that that would be fun, but I feel kind of weird suggesting that years into our work friendship. Am I overthinking this? Should I just leave things virtual?

you can but work friends aren't real friends. Actually there are no real friends other than the people who saw you grow up.

That might be true in your life but it isn’t universally true.

And thank goodness for that! Otherwise all of us who have moved away from our hometowns would be friendless and sad!

Those you call friends as an adult are acquaintances. They will lose interest at the drop of a hat.

Not true at all. My best friends are three former coworkers I met when we were in our twenties, at two different jobs. We’re in our forties now and still very close. I’m not really in touch with any childhood friends.