Dementia - so difficult
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Anonymous
My mom was my biggest supporter, like a best friend. I loved to talk to her every day, visited with her often. She now has dementia, and I miss her old self so much.  (
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Anonymous
| It’s tough because you’re really going through mourning while they’re still alive. And then when they actually die you feel relief and grief, which feels wrong. See if you can find a local group for people going through the same thing. |
Anonymous
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Losing a person you love like this is just awful. I’m sorry you have to go through it. And sorry for your mother too.
One suggestion is that, if you can, you might try to enjoy your mother for who she is at any given time, and take satisfaction in whatever you can do for her in the here and now. “Small things with great love.” This will never replace what you had, but it can give some peace and a sense of connection in the present. |
Anonymous
| Early stages here, but I could have written the same thing. Hugs, OP. |
Anonymous
| It’s so so hard. Soak in their presence even though they seem like different people. You can still make memories together that you can carry forward yourself. It’s a very tough time. |
Anonymous
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Sorry OP,
She sounds like a great mom. |
Anonymous
Maybe you can replace quality with quantity. My siblings and I take turns living with my mom, and there are plenty of warm moments that on balance are more meaningful than the contacts we used to squeeze into our busy lives. |
Anonymous
| It is the most heartbreaking thing I’ve ever experienced to watch my wife mourn her mother like this. I can almost feel the despair. I agree with the above- try to enjoy the small moments but I also acknowledge that your loss is so very real and sad. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. Please remember to reach out to your other supports and let them know how you feel. Your second string cheerleaders are ready to step up. |
Anonymous
I wish I had a DH like you. Mine doesn’t care. Your wife is lucky. |
Anonymous
| It’s hard, even when the relationship was not great. |
Anonymous
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It’s so hard OP. Going through this now with my mom. I see her twice a week. Sometimes it’s good, others is just horrible. Last week we had an incredible day, she was on point and with it and just an absolute joy to be around (which is just so incredibly rare these days). We’d gone out to the dentist and lunch. However it turned on a dime and as soon as she got back to her place and she forgot where we’d been and what we’d done.
I’ve found in my own experience that as she gets tired she loses it. The more tired she is the worst it is. Try to plan your interactions with your mom while she’s well rested and see if that helps a little. |
Anonymous
| FrontoTemporal Dementia brought out the absolute worst in my mother. It was so difficult being around her. The anxiety she had her entire life, turned into crazy paranoia. I was there for her, but was lucky that we could hire help to deal with her 24/7 |
Anonymous
Yes, it's unreal. The good parts of my mom's personality are weaponized. Her quick wit is now acid and barbed. Her former kindness and empathy is now infuriating self-pity. I miss the old mom so much. I get glimpses of her but I don't even want to be around the current version. It's not her fault. I'm trying to reframe my own thinking - trying to think of it as a brain injury. It really sucks. |
Anonymous
Same here. My husband cares a bit but more about how I’m going to help him while also helping her. |
Anonymous
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Going through it now and it sucks!
My mom never needed anything from anyone and now she is a hermit who doesn’t want to leave her bedroom. |