elderly mother becoming increasingly paranoid

[Anonymous]

My mother retired as soon as she could at age 62 with no plans for how to spend her time. She forced my dad to retire with her. Both of them ended up staying home most of the time watching TV. Fast forward 10 years, she's obsessed with cable news and believes the world is headed to hell. They live in a house that is too big for them to manage-- basement, ground floor, upstairs and an attic full of stuff they can no longer access-- but she believes there is absolutely nowhere to go because every other option is not a solution and the Marxists are going to get her. I've spoken with both of my siblings and both are in denial. My father just goes along with whatever she says and agrees, so he's no help. He has hearing issues and probably just tunes out most of it at this point. For those of you who have dealt with paranoia creeping in, how have you handled it? Did you call your parent's GP?

[Anonymous]

Where’s the paranoia. It sounds like she (over) consumes news from sources you don’t like and then complains about the things she hears.

[Anonymous]

Paranoid and obsessed is not good. Spending their time watching tv is not for you to judge. Not a good look for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Paranoid and obsessed is not good. Spending their time watching tv is not for you to judge. Not a good look for you.

When I see my own parents overtaken by cable news and spending their last years on earth immersed in this stuff when those selling it are laughing all the way to the bank, yes, I have to judge. She is slowly bring destroyed by it. It’s as if she’s been sucked into a cult.

[Anonymous]

This is pretty common. Their world becomes so small. All you can do is suggest ways to get more involved in the community. If you are concerned dementia is setting in and they won't get evaluated you could mention to GP, but nothing you said indicates they wouldn't pass dementia screen. My parents were passing it when they were much more clearly losing it. I actually think it misses early dementia and catches it more toward middle stage.

Another option is you become worried about independent living is to get a social worker checking on them, and that person can gently encourage activities. My mother was isolating, watching news nonstop and quite paranoid and the social worker wasn't concerned . Mom could turn it on for her. It wasn't until mom repeatedly through tantrums at me to the point I backed away due to my own serious health issues that the shit hit the fan. Suddenly mom needed a new outlet for rage.

Social worker convinced her to get evaluated-no idea result because mom blocked me from knowing, but I know she got on meds because she took the right in front of me. She seemed to think they were very mild to take edge off. Glad the doctor used a therapeutic lie because she desperately needed meds. She was put on full dose of anti-anxiety and small dose of anti-psychotics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is pretty common. Their world becomes so small. All you can do is suggest ways to get more involved in the community. If you are concerned dementia is setting in and they won't get evaluated you could mention to GP, but nothing you said indicates they wouldn't pass dementia screen. My parents were passing it when they were much more clearly losing it. I actually think it misses early dementia and catches it more toward middle stage.

Another option is you become worried about independent living is to get a social worker checking on them, and that person can gently encourage activities. My mother was isolating, watching news nonstop and quite paranoid and the social worker wasn't concerned . Mom could turn it on for her. It wasn't until mom repeatedly through tantrums at me to the point I backed away due to my own serious health issues that the shit hit the fan. Suddenly mom needed a new outlet for rage.

Social worker convinced her to get evaluated-no idea result because mom blocked me from knowing, but I know she got on meds because she took the right in front of me. She seemed to think they were very mild to take edge off. Glad the doctor used a therapeutic lie because she desperately needed meds. She was put on full dose of anti-anxiety and small dose of anti-psychotics.

I'm impressed your mother was persuaded to try meds. Lots of good advice in this post, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is pretty common. Their world becomes so small. All you can do is suggest ways to get more involved in the community. If you are concerned dementia is setting in and they won't get evaluated you could mention to GP, but nothing you said indicates they wouldn't pass dementia screen. My parents were passing it when they were much more clearly losing it. I actually think it misses early dementia and catches it more toward middle stage.

Another option is you become worried about independent living is to get a social worker checking on them, and that person can gently encourage activities. My mother was isolating, watching news nonstop and quite paranoid and the social worker wasn't concerned . Mom could turn it on for her. It wasn't until mom repeatedly through tantrums at me to the point I backed away due to my own serious health issues that the shit hit the fan. Suddenly mom needed a new outlet for rage.

Social worker convinced her to get evaluated-no idea result because mom blocked me from knowing, but I know she got on meds because she took the right in front of me. She seemed to think they were very mild to take edge off. Glad the doctor used a therapeutic lie because she desperately needed meds. She was put on full dose of anti-anxiety and small dose of anti-psychotics.

I'm impressed your mother was persuaded to try meds. Lots of good advice in this post, OP.

OP here. Yes, is very helpful. My mother has always been extremely anxious and refused to seek help. It was everyone else, everything else, but never her personal (mental health) issue. I can see a tantrum on the way with her constant warnings about how awful the world is and I need to jump on the bandwagon with her. Yes, she is very isolated but I do feel it's by choice. Her own mother did this to her and expected her to sit with her all day in her livingroom while she complained about life or worse, berated her. I do think my parents would greatly benefit from living in a good 55+ community with plenty of peers and activities. They are unhappy, but they refuse to move. I'm not even suggesting they up and leave the state if they don't want to. Just invite a change of scenery and opportunity to take on something positive and new for themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother retired as soon as she could at age 62 with no plans for how to spend her time. She forced my dad to retire with her. Both of them ended up staying home most of the time watching TV. Fast forward 10 years, she's obsessed with cable news and believes the world is headed to hell. They live in a house that is too big for them to manage-- basement, ground floor, upstairs and an attic full of stuff they can no longer access-- but she believes there is absolutely nowhere to go because every other option is not a solution and the Marxists are going to get her. I've spoken with both of my siblings and both are in denial. My father just goes along with whatever she says and agrees, so he's no help. He has hearing issues and probably just tunes out most of it at this point. For those of you who have dealt with paranoia creeping in, how have you handled it? Did you call your parent's GP?

She's correct in so many ways. I don't think it's paranoid thinking, frankly. I think you are in a bubble and don't understand how elders are being abused.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is pretty common. Their world becomes so small. All you can do is suggest ways to get more involved in the community. If you are concerned dementia is setting in and they won't get evaluated you could mention to GP, but nothing you said indicates they wouldn't pass dementia screen. My parents were passing it when they were much more clearly losing it. I actually think it misses early dementia and catches it more toward middle stage.

Another option is you become worried about independent living is to get a social worker checking on them, and that person can gently encourage activities. My mother was isolating, watching news nonstop and quite paranoid and the social worker wasn't concerned . Mom could turn it on for her. It wasn't until mom repeatedly through tantrums at me to the point I backed away due to my own serious health issues that the shit hit the fan. Suddenly mom needed a new outlet for rage.

Social worker convinced her to get evaluated-no idea result because mom blocked me from knowing, but I know she got on meds because she took the right in front of me. She seemed to think they were very mild to take edge off. Glad the doctor used a therapeutic lie because she desperately needed meds. She was put on full dose of anti-anxiety and small dose of anti-psychotics.

I'm impressed your mother was persuaded to try meds. Lots of good advice in this post, OP.

OP here. Yes, is very helpful. My mother has always been extremely anxious and refused to seek help. It was everyone else, everything else, but never her personal (mental health) issue. I can see a tantrum on the way with her constant warnings about how awful the world is and I need to jump on the bandwagon with her. Yes, she is very isolated but I do feel it's by choice. Her own mother did this to her and expected her to sit with her all day in her livingroom while she complained about life or worse, berated her. I do think my parents would greatly benefit from living in a good 55+ community with plenty of peers and activities. They are unhappy, but they refuse to move. I'm not even suggesting they up and leave the state if they don't want to. Just invite a change of scenery and opportunity to take on something positive and new for themselves.

Mine lives in a 55+ but stays inside. If neighbors are kind she trashes them to others. Crazy and mean not always fixed by change of scene. Hang in there, OP.

[Anonymous]

My parents are asocial by choice. Their isolation has most definitely accelerated their cognitive and physical decline, despite the best efforts of my mother's siblings, who live in the same area and are older yet more active.

I live across the Atlantic and couldn't save them from themselves even if I lived closed by. I know this because for years I tried.

They're going to need care in a few years, and they have nothing planned. I'm sure I'll be on DCUM to vent when it all goes down the drain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is pretty common. Their world becomes so small. All you can do is suggest ways to get more involved in the community. If you are concerned dementia is setting in and they won't get evaluated you could mention to GP, but nothing you said indicates they wouldn't pass dementia screen. My parents were passing it when they were much more clearly losing it. I actually think it misses early dementia and catches it more toward middle stage.

Another option is you become worried about independent living is to get a social worker checking on them, and that person can gently encourage activities. My mother was isolating, watching news nonstop and quite paranoid and the social worker wasn't concerned . Mom could turn it on for her. It wasn't until mom repeatedly through tantrums at me to the point I backed away due to my own serious health issues that the shit hit the fan. Suddenly mom needed a new outlet for rage.

Social worker convinced her to get evaluated-no idea result because mom blocked me from knowing, but I know she got on meds because she took the right in front of me. She seemed to think they were very mild to take edge off. Glad the doctor used a therapeutic lie because she desperately needed meds. She was put on full dose of anti-anxiety and small dose of anti-psychotics.

I'm impressed your mother was persuaded to try meds. Lots of good advice in this post, OP.

OP here. Yes, is very helpful. My mother has always been extremely anxious and refused to seek help. It was everyone else, everything else, but never her personal (mental health) issue. I can see a tantrum on the way with her constant warnings about how awful the world is and I need to jump on the bandwagon with her. Yes, she is very isolated but I do feel it's by choice. Her own mother did this to her and expected her to sit with her all day in her livingroom while she complained about life or worse, berated her. I do think my parents would greatly benefit from living in a good 55+ community with plenty of peers and activities. They are unhappy, but they refuse to move. I'm not even suggesting they up and leave the state if they don't want to. Just invite a change of scenery and opportunity to take on something positive and new for themselves.

My mom reached a stage of life where "complaining about everything" was her main form of recreation. She was in assisted living, and she spent a good deal of time complaining to me about the nurses, the food, the other residents, etc. After she passed away I found out she'd been keeping a multi-year journal with all her daily grumbles in it. She kept bugging me to move her to a different facility without all the "problems" that bothered her, but I knew that if I did, the complaints would just start up again.

So, I'm sorry to say, don't expect being in a 55+ community to shut down the anxiety and complaints.

I pretty much felt that it was my duty to listen to her complain and be as patient as I could.

[Anonymous]

My mom was in complete isolation (retired, watched tv for days, no friends or activities) and miserable for decades. Finally in her 80s we moved her into a senior living place when she started needing help and she’s thriving. With meals and housekeeping provided for her - she can focus on the senior community with the shared meals, exercise, activities & winning at bingo. She loves having the structure and socialization! She’s the happiest I’ve ever known her in my life. Not kidding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom was in complete isolation (retired, watched tv for days, no friends or activities) and miserable for decades. Finally in her 80s we moved her into a senior living place when she started needing help and she’s thriving. With meals and housekeeping provided for her - she can focus on the senior community with the shared meals, exercise, activities & winning at bingo. She loves having the structure and socialization! She’s the happiest I’ve ever known her in my life. Not kidding.

I love stories like this. My dad lit up at memory care with the activities.

[Anonymous]

My mom was in complete isolation (retired, watched tv for days, no friends or activities) and miserable for decades. Finally in her 80s we moved her into a senior living place when she started needing help and she’s thriving. With meals and housekeeping provided for her - she can focus on the senior community with the shared meals, exercise, activities & winning at bingo. She loves having the structure and socialization! She’s the happiest I’ve ever known her in my life. Not kidding.

My mom has been depressed and anxious my whole life and being alone is a trigger for her. She was widowed and the pandemic was terrible for her; she would stay in bed and not doing anything except ruminate
in the past and complain about how life had wrongerbher. Etc….then I hired a caregiver upon whom she became extremely dependent (emotionally). Thats when mental and physical decline became obvious. I convinced her to move to assisted living near me and while at first she was miserable there and complaining that everyone was a right wing bible thumper (which is partly true) she seems to have settled in and I think she’s happier than she’s been in years because there are always people there to listen to her and she has no responsibilities (bills cleaning driving or decisions)!.!She used to stay up to 2-3 am , fall asleep watching tv, eat poorly at weird hours etc. now she zooms down for meals (she wants to get a good table), attends the movie practically every night and chats with her friends. She still complains but she no longer calls me multiple times a day complaining about her life…

[Anonymous]

Damn. 62 is young for that.