If your child is benched all the time...

[Anonymous]

I completely respect that DD is a bench player so this post is not about that. My question is whether other parents in this situation feel they want to or need to attend to support the team or whether they skip some games or most games? We have two other children and the games are pretty far away. To make her games I would have to take time off work and skip our other children's games or other activities. What do your children say about watching games in this situation?

If anyone has BTDT please share your advice for supporting your DD and the team.

[Anonymous]

I just enjoy seeing my DD interact with the team. Often from the bench. And she does look for us and waves.

[Anonymous]

Is this a travel league? I'd put her on a rec team where there is minimum playing time for all players. Games are closer too, so hopefully easier to get to.

[Anonymous]

Yes a parent needs to go to as many games as possible to support her. I know she’s on the bench a lot, but if she does get any playing and you miss it, you’ll kick yourself. And she’ll be disappointed you missed it. I know it’s probably 5 minutes a game or maybe none some games and a few minutes other games, but she wants you there for it.

[Anonymous]

What age? Kids U11 (MAYBE U12) should get decent playing time. Otherwise, nope, pull them and let them have fun playing rec. Why spend 2-3k to hang on the bench

[Anonymous]

I have three kids, and they’ve been a mix of always starter, sometimes starter, and often bench. I have skipped many of their games and they never minded, though we always made sure at least one parent was there. I think it’s actually pretty bad to have your viewership be based on starter v bench. You should be supporting the team regardless of your child’s status, right? And the activity ought to be worthwhile even if the kid is on the bench, as frustrating as it may be for both of you.

I think you just need to stay attuned to their feeling about the season at all times, and you absolutely need to attend several games so you understand the community.

[Anonymous]

Be careful not to prioritize a kid who gets playing time over one who sits on the bench. I can understand that it feels like a waste to drive far and watch somebody else’s kids play (BTDT for a few guest tournaments) but it sends the wrong message to your child.

If your child is really not getting to play, look for another team. Kids can’t develop if they don’t play and sitting most of a game can ruin their love for the sport. There are so many teams around and you can definitely find one that appreciates your daughter. My son chose not to play on the most competitive teams because he wanted a lot of playing time. It also really boosted his confidence.

[Anonymous]

Find another team. Stop wasting your time and money on a club and coach who (apparently) has no interest in developing your player. It’s insanity that parents accept this BS. If your kid cares at all about the sport, show them you care by taking them to shop for another club/team.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Find another team. Stop wasting your time and money on a club and coach who (apparently) has no interest in developing your player. It’s insanity that parents accept this BS. If your kid cares at all about the sport, show them you care by taking them to shop for another club/team.

+1

[Anonymous]

Definitely look for another team. In Travel (except on the highest level teams), your kiddo should be playing at least 1/2 the games. If not, probably not on the right team. My kid was on a team where they played half or barely half.

[Anonymous]

OP, when you say your kid is benched, do you mean they don’t start, or that they really get almost no playing time?

FWIW, my kid played on a team last year where she started and played most of the game, but was miserable because of the coach. She switched teams and now plays maybe half, but doesn’t start. Yet she’s happier and feels like she’s appropriately challenged and learning.

Agree you need to support your kid regardless of playing time.

[Anonymous]

If you have several kids, regardless of whether they are starters or bench players you should make the effort to attend games for all the kids. It's not about watching her play, it's about her knowing that you support her in what she is doing, no matter how well or how poorly. Several years past this myself but our son said - knowing we were in the audience made him feel good. If it wasn't sports - but another activity would you not go because she was the "best"?.

[Anonymous]

Serious question: why are you continuing with a club where your kid is sitting on the bench most of the time? To me, that says it’s not the right team/level. I get that parents do this - and I see it at games - but, truly, WHY?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Serious question: why are you continuing with a club where your kid is sitting on the bench most of the time? To me, that says it’s not the right team/level. I get that parents do this - and I see it at games - but, truly, WHY?

Or just not the right coach.

My kids have switched teams at the same level, often to a higher ranked team and then played the entire game.

Some coaches just don’t like a player or their style. The kid may be skilled and the coach wants physical size, etc

I agree it’s time to switch something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Serious question: why are you continuing with a club where your kid is sitting on the bench most of the time? To me, that says it’s not the right team/level. I get that parents do this - and I see it at games - but, truly, WHY?

Or just not the right coach.

My kids have switched teams at the same level, often to a higher ranked team and then played the entire game.

Some coaches just don’t like a player or their style. The kid may be skilled and the coach wants physical size, etc

I agree it’s time to switch something.

Yea.

I don’t actually care about my kid being the best or a starter or whatever, but I am not laying down $3k+/year to sit on the bench. The whole point of this beyond rec is to grow and improve as a player… which you literally cannot do as a bench warmer.