If your child is benched all the time...

[Anonymous]

You make attendance equal. Equal is the most important thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Serious question: why are you continuing with a club where your kid is sitting on the bench most of the time? To me, that says it’s not the right team/level. I get that parents do this - and I see it at games - but, truly, WHY?

Or just not the right coach.

My kids have switched teams at the same level, often to a higher ranked team and then played the entire game.

Some coaches just don’t like a player or their style. The kid may be skilled and the coach wants physical size, etc

I agree it’s time to switch something.

Yea.

I don’t actually care about my kid being the best or a starter or whatever, but I am not laying down $3k+/year to sit on the bench. The whole point of this beyond rec is to grow and improve as a player… which you literally cannot do as a bench warmer.

This. Look for another team at a lower level. Your kid is not going to improve if they don’t get playing time. There are so many teams out there where kids can get a decent amount of play even if they don’t start.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Serious question: why are you continuing with a club where your kid is sitting on the bench most of the time? To me, that says it’s not the right team/level. I get that parents do this - and I see it at games - but, truly, WHY?

Or just not the right coach.

My kids have switched teams at the same level, often to a higher ranked team and then played the entire game.

Some coaches just don’t like a player or their style. The kid may be skilled and the coach wants physical size, etc

I agree it’s time to switch something.

Yea.

I don’t actually care about my kid being the best or a starter or whatever, but I am not laying down $3k+/year to sit on the bench. The whole point of this beyond rec is to grow and improve as a player… which you literally cannot do as a bench warmer.

This. Look for another team at a lower level. Your kid is not going to improve if they don’t get playing time. There are so many teams out there where kids can get a decent amount of play even if they don’t start.

It doesn’t have to be lower. My kids have moved up and lateral and been key players. Sometimes it really is just a coach mismatch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I completely respect that DD is a bench player so this post is not about that. My question is whether other parents in this situation feel they want to or need to attend to support the team or whether they skip some games or most games? We have two other children and the games are pretty far away. To make her games I would have to take time off work and skip our other children's games or other activities. What do your children say about watching games in this situation?

If anyone has BTDT please share your advice for supporting your DD and the team.

OP you are there to support your kid, not the team. You're basically saying why bother, she doesn't even play...

The question you need to ask yourself is HOW does MY child feel when I don't show up to her games but attend her siblings games?

You're definitely playing favoritism!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I completely respect that DD is a bench player so this post is not about that. My question is whether other parents in this situation feel they want to or need to attend to support the team or whether they skip some games or most games? We have two other children and the games are pretty far away. To make her games I would have to take time off work and skip our other children's games or other activities. What do your children say about watching games in this situation?

If anyone has BTDT please share your advice for supporting your DD and the team.

OP you are there to support your kid, not the team. You're basically saying why bother, she doesn't even play...

The question you need to ask yourself is HOW does MY child feel when I don't show up to her games but attend her siblings games?

You're definitely playing favoritism!

+1

[Anonymous]

From a parent with one superstar athlete and one below average athlete, your bench warmer needs even more of your support.

And also take her to a team where she can contribute and feel needed.

[Anonymous]

I agree she needs to be on a different team.
This is taking crazy American sports to a while new level.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From a parent with one superstar athlete and one below average athlete, your bench warmer needs even more of your support.

And also take her to a team where she can contribute and feel needed.

Agree. This.
And while I get other people pointing out that she needs to be on a team where she develops her skills, I don’t think that’s the most important thing. I hate to break it to everyone but chances are your kids aren’t going to be professional athletes. They might not even be college athletes-gasp! You will have wasted a ton of time worrying about ball skills instead of thinking about what else kids get from sports. The opportunity to contribute and feel needed, as this pp mentioned, is huge. And you can get that from a rec team. When my kids have a single game where they feel like they’ve been played less, they feel slighted. I can’t imagine it feels great to be on the bench game after game. And to go back to the original question—it would probably feel worse if your mom didn’t show up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Serious question: why are you continuing with a club where your kid is sitting on the bench most of the time? To me, that says it’s not the right team/level. I get that parents do this - and I see it at games - but, truly, WHY?

Or just not the right coach.

My kids have switched teams at the same level, often to a higher ranked team and then played the entire game.

Some coaches just don’t like a player or their style. The kid may be skilled and the coach wants physical size, etc

I agree it’s time to switch something.

Yea.

I don’t actually care about my kid being the best or a starter or whatever, but I am not laying down $3k+/year to sit on the bench. The whole point of this beyond rec is to grow and improve as a player… which you literally cannot do as a bench warmer.

This. Look for another team at a lower level. Your kid is not going to improve if they don’t get playing time. There are so many teams out there where kids can get a decent amount of play even if they don’t start.

It doesn’t have to be lower. My kids have moved up and lateral and been key players. Sometimes it really is just a coach mismatch.

While we’ve had the exact same experience, I wonder how common/realistic it really is.

Also, didn’t you just want to go to the previous coach and say, “Ya see now who you had on your bench?!”

[Anonymous]

If practices are competitive and well run I’d stick around. Your child may benefit in the long term from earning a spot on a good team rather than signing up for a lesser team and starting right away.

[Anonymous]

Anyone can play in travel games, you just have to find a lower team. There is a team and game play time for even the worst players. Look at the lower NCSL divisions-those are just expensive rec teams. And that's fine, people can pay for that. Find a team where your kid will actually get to play.

[Anonymous]

If your kid does not start their confidence gets destroyed. If you feel you do not have to go to the games because she does not play, think how she feels knowing she will not get into a game. Find a team where she will play.

Development is just BS the coaches push because 99% of the parents have no idea what appropriate age level development is.

Sitting on the bench at any age is does nothing for the kid soccer or confidence wise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your kid does not start their confidence gets destroyed. If you feel you do not have to go to the games because she does not play, think how she feels knowing she will not get into a game. Find a team where she will play.

Development is just BS the coaches push because 99% of the parents have no idea what appropriate age level development is.

Sitting on the bench at any age is does nothing for the kid soccer or confidence wise.

Not necessarily. One of my kids was on a team where she started and played virtually all the time, but coach destroyed her confidence.

Switched teams and she no longer starts, but feels like she’s challenged and learning. Much happier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Serious question: why are you continuing with a club where your kid is sitting on the bench most of the time? To me, that says it’s not the right team/level. I get that parents do this - and I see it at games - but, truly, WHY?

Or just not the right coach.

My kids have switched teams at the same level, often to a higher ranked team and then played the entire game.

Some coaches just don’t like a player or their style. The kid may be skilled and the coach wants physical size, etc

I agree it’s time to switch something.

Yea.

I don’t actually care about my kid being the best or a starter or whatever, but I am not laying down $3k+/year to sit on the bench. The whole point of this beyond rec is to grow and improve as a player… which you literally cannot do as a bench warmer.

This. Look for another team at a lower level. Your kid is not going to improve if they don’t get playing time. There are so many teams out there where kids can get a decent amount of play even if they don’t start.

It doesn’t have to be lower. My kids have moved up and lateral and been key players. Sometimes it really is just a coach mismatch.

While we’ve had the exact same experience, I wonder how common/realistic it really is.

Also, didn’t you just want to go to the previous coach and say, “Ya see now who you had on your bench?!”

My kids are great players with tremendous grit from enduring a lot of crap and politics in travel soccer. They stayed the course and one just committed to play in college. The younger one sees that as inspiration. Don’t keep your kids in a bad situation. Find a good coach. Find a good place.