toddler behavior question- looking back what would you have done differently?

[Anonymous]

There was a post awhile back about "disciple" and "bad behavior" that people jumped all over bc the OP used those terms for a young child but it made me think about this. I know a family that their 3 yo climbs all over their kitchen table and think- why on earth was that ever allowed in the first place? That said im a FTM and am learning quickly from these judgements and plans I have about what I will do with my own kid

I have an 11mo and and am starting to see that they understand these basic behavioral redirections and instructions. For parents of kids 2 or older- looking back, what behaviors do you wish you had redirected or what do you wish you would have done differently that would make your life with your toddler or young child better, easier or safer?

[Anonymous]

It was allowed in the first place because their kid wanted to climb EVERYTHING and they decided that the kitchen table was relatively safe and they were going to focus on ensuring the kid didn’t climb on things that could kill them like the bookshelves and dressers. What behaviours need redirecting are VERY kid dependent. My older kid needed to be told exactly once not to touch the litter box; my younger needed me to put up a baby gate to prevent him from trying to reach it the second anyone turned their back. Likewise the behaviors that annoy or stress you out will be personal. Don’t try to overthink this ahead of time is my advice. Just know that anything you don’t want your child doing you need to either physically prevent (baby gate) or never take your eyes off of them so you can prevent it. Also: pick your battles. No one wants to be constantly responding to everything their toddler tries to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It was allowed in the first place because their kid wanted to climb EVERYTHING and they decided that the kitchen table was relatively safe and they were going to focus on ensuring the kid didn’t climb on things that could kill them like the bookshelves and dressers. What behaviours need redirecting are VERY kid dependent. My older kid needed to be told exactly once not to touch the litter box; my younger needed me to put up a baby gate to prevent him from trying to reach it the second anyone turned their back. Likewise the behaviors that annoy or stress you out will be personal. Don’t try to overthink this ahead of time is my advice. Just know that anything you don’t want your child doing you need to either physically prevent (baby gate) or never take your eyes off of them so you can prevent it. Also: pick your battles. No one wants to be constantly responding to everything their toddler tries to do.

PP Sorry to answer your actual question: I wish I had been consistent from the first about never touching adult books. At first it was cute when they wanted to carry them around and I figured pulling them of the shelves was a fairly benign, non destructive form of entertainment (my cats also do this I’m sadly used to picking up books) but it made the ripping stage so much harder to manage.

[Anonymous]

My child is 4 so a bit older but we are getting good results by giving her lots of attention for good behavior and no/little attention for bad behavior. She is better behaved and it also means we are constantly modeling saying nice things to her which means she says nice things to us.

[Anonymous]

Teach your child super early not to interrupt adults talking to each other. That will put them light years ahead of their peers in terms of polite behavior. Most parents neglect to teach their children not to interrupt because they spend a lot of time alone with them, so it’s no big deal. But unfortunately it has created an entire generation of children rudely interrupting adults for every whim and often mothers are very unaware of how unlikeable it makes their child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Teach your child super early not to interrupt adults talking to each other. That will put them light years ahead of their peers in terms of polite behavior. Most parents neglect to teach their children not to interrupt because they spend a lot of time alone with them, so it’s no big deal. But unfortunately it has created an entire generation of children rudely interrupting adults for every whim and often mothers are very unaware of how unlikeable it makes their child.

Oh we're aware, we also find our children annoying (and cute and sweet!). Their fathers do too if you can believe it!

You can't guarantee a child will do something/not do something just by "teaching" it early.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Teach your child super early not to interrupt adults talking to each other. That will put them light years ahead of their peers in terms of polite behavior. Most parents neglect to teach their children not to interrupt because they spend a lot of time alone with them, so it’s no big deal. But unfortunately it has created an entire generation of children rudely interrupting adults for every whim and often mothers are very unaware of how unlikeable it makes their child.

Please this. I cannot stand it when parents let their kids randomly and repeatedly interrupt for non urgent reasons. Yes, it’s annoying to say “one moment, Larla’s mom is speaking and then I will listen to you” a million times but the pay off is worth it for everyone

[Anonymous]

Sleep stuff. My son is 4 and still wakes up throughout the night, and always finds us. I haven’t been rested in so long - and yes, that’s just parenting, but I wish I had sleep trained when my kid was in a crib so that he had some concept of how to put himself back to sleep without us. I didn’t have the heart and figured it would resolve on its own and it just hasnt. It’s impossible to do when they are this age, and yes, he will figure it out at some point, but knowing that he’ll stay in his room by age 10 is cold comfort right now.

[Anonymous]

I wish I had been more chill and not gotten angry over what I see now was normal behavior. I have a kid with severe anxiety (age 8) and can't help but think I caused some of it with my constant "stop that!" type stuff. Also don't compare your methods to other parents. All kids learn differently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish I had been more chill and not gotten angry over what I see now was normal behavior. I have a kid with severe anxiety (age 8) and can't help but think I caused some of it with my constant "stop that!" type stuff. Also don't compare your methods to other parents. All kids learn differently.

+1
Major regrets about being too harsh with my sweet kids who are still sweet in their early teens

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It was allowed in the first place because their kid wanted to climb EVERYTHING and they decided that the kitchen table was relatively safe and they were going to focus on ensuring the kid didn’t climb on things that could kill them like the bookshelves and dressers. What behaviours need redirecting are VERY kid dependent. My older kid needed to be told exactly once not to touch the litter box; my younger needed me to put up a baby gate to prevent him from trying to reach it the second anyone turned their back. Likewise the behaviors that annoy or stress you out will be personal. Don’t try to overthink this ahead of time is my advice. Just know that anything you don’t want your child doing you need to either physically prevent (baby gate) or never take your eyes off of them so you can prevent it. Also: pick your battles. No one wants to be constantly responding to everything their toddler tries to do.

Yes, this. I see you! I have three and you really need to pick your battles, especially with multiple close in age children and so much of which hill you choose to die on is child and adult dependent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sleep stuff. My son is 4 and still wakes up throughout the night, and always finds us. I haven’t been rested in so long - and yes, that’s just parenting, but I wish I had sleep trained when my kid was in a crib so that he had some concept of how to put himself back to sleep without us. I didn’t have the heart and figured it would resolve on its own and it just hasnt. It’s impossible to do when they are this age, and yes, he will figure it out at some point, but knowing that he’ll stay in his room by age 10 is cold comfort right now.

OP here- thanks this is a good one!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish I had been more chill and not gotten angry over what I see now was normal behavior. I have a kid with severe anxiety (age 8) and can't help but think I caused some of it with my constant "stop that!" type stuff. Also don't compare your methods to other parents. All kids learn differently.

+1
Major regrets about being too harsh with my sweet kids who are still sweet in their early teens

+2 We have recently been focusing on good behaviors and ignoring bad behaviors and picking battles more carefully and not only does it work better for improving behavior but she also seems to be more confident in social situations. Sometimes she tells me lately that she "knows how to listen" because I've been telling her how she did a great job listening. She actually wants to do what I tell her, but partly because I am not constantly telling her what to do/what not to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish I had been more chill and not gotten angry over what I see now was normal behavior. I have a kid with severe anxiety (age 8) and can't help but think I caused some of it with my constant "stop that!" type stuff. Also don't compare your methods to other parents. All kids learn differently.

+1
Major regrets about being too harsh with my sweet kids who are still sweet in their early teens

+2 We have recently been focusing on good behaviors and ignoring bad behaviors and picking battles more carefully and not only does it work better for improving behavior but she also seems to be more confident in social situations. Sometimes she tells me lately that she "knows how to listen" because I've been telling her how she did a great job listening. She actually wants to do what I tell her, but partly because I am not constantly telling her what to do/what not to do.

Pick your battles is my advice. Let the child learn on her own as much as possible, with safety always being an exception, ie climbing on tables. Don't be one of those parents who gets on their kids about everything because you are afraid that people will judge you for their behavior. Other parents know that kids can be tough so let some stuff slide.

[Anonymous]

The #1 thing I think is to have a boundary and then you stick to it. "If you throw food in this restaurant, we are going to leave." And when it happens, you pick them up and leave. It's painful as a parent (I wanted to eat my dinner!!), but do something like this a few times and kids will know that no means no. Make sure your boundaries and rules are reasonable. Some people count to 3 (like the book 1-2-3 Magic).

My youngest just turned 2 (I have 3 kids) and daily she gets the choice of hold my hand or get carried out of daycare. It took a week of being carried out screaming for her to realize that she can't run into traffic and that she's going to hold my hand. You just have to be firm, kind and loving. Kids actually like knowing where the boundaries are, it makes them feel safe.