Is my irritation justified?

[Anonymous]

My extended family includes:
sister, kids are grown and independent except one 22 year old with special needs who lives with her. She (sister) is a widow and doesn’t work.
brother 1, youngest is a senior, others are grown and independent. he owns 2 businesses, wife doesn’t work.
brother 2, married, no kids. he and his spouse work from home.
me, single mom, 2 teens, work full time out of the house

Family gatherings are always on Sundays. When all the kids were younger, we did things early in the day (brother 2 and I both live an hour to two hours away from
everyone else).
Now that everyone else’s kids are grown, sundays are getting later and further away. I am dreading 4 hours in the car today when I have unending laundry to get done and prep for the week ahead. I know when I am the first one to leave everyone is going to ask us to stay longer and my kids will be irritated that we’re “missing out” again.
I love my family dearly but I’m beginning to resent this set up.
Moving things to Saturdays in a non-starter since brother 1 only has Sundays off. And none of them are willing to make the long drive to my place or brother 2 on an even semi-regular basis.
So, am I just being whiny or am i justified in my annoyance?

[Anonymous]

Everyone should rotate whose house they gather at unless someone is central to all.

[Anonymous]

How often are these gatherings?
Every week would be too much.
Try to plan ahead and do laundry, grocery shopping on Saturday if possible.
And be forceful about asking gatherings to be close to you every so often

[Anonymous]

Why are they getting further away? Have people moved?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are they getting further away? Have people moved?

yes, brother 1 moved further away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How often are these gatherings?
Every week would be too much.
Try to plan ahead and do laundry, grocery shopping on Saturday if possible.
And be forceful about asking gatherings to be close to you every so often

The rest of the family gathers very week or every other generally. Brother 2 and I make the effort to be there for birthdays and other big events but every week isn’t sustainable.
We’ve both tried to get things moved to be more central but it’s almost always a losing battle.

[Anonymous]

What's the timing like now? When do events start?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's the timing like now? When do events start?

Previously we would start things around 12 and wrap up by 3-4. Now the start is more like 2-3 and it’s further away more frequently. So the one hour drive has become 1 1/2 to 2 and that puts my family coming home after 7. It’s late for us on a sunday.

[Anonymous]

It looks like you’re going to have to prioritize so that you can simplify your schedule to stay sane, especially as a single parent. If they can’t or won’t have flexibility, you might want to scale back to once or twice a month visits, for example.

[Anonymous]

From your OP, you believe you have it harder than your siblings. That attitude will always make you resentful when stuff doesn't revolve around you. I think if your kids were elem you'd have a leg to stand on, but with teens, no.

Just be honest and tell people it's difficult for you. Also, have some agency (without dissing your sibs) and be honest if it's not working for you. Go 1x or 2x per month.

You're irritated because of your thinking, nothing else. It doesn't need to be justified by comparisionits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From your OP, you believe you have it harder than your siblings. That attitude will always make you resentful when stuff doesn't revolve around you. I think if your kids were elem you'd have a leg to stand on, but with teens, no.

Just be honest and tell people it's difficult for you. Also, have some agency (without dissing your sibs) and be honest if it's not working for you. Go 1x or 2x per month.

You're irritated because of your thinking, nothing else. It doesn't need to be justified by comparisionits.

This - "I love you all and want to continue these gatherings, but I can't make it often if we start in the late afternoon."

I'd also invite people to your house once a month whether they make it or not. Don't wait for agreement. Just pick a Sunday that's not already taken and send an invite for 1pm lunch or whatever.

[Anonymous]

Your teens need to help out more so you aren’t as stressed. Can’t they do their own laundry? Can they drive?
I agree that it’s a lot for you, but if they want to make it work they can certainly assist you.

[Anonymous]

I don’t get why these people can’t start at noon? What do they say when you push on this?

They sound like jerks if they will never come to you or adjust earlier. I would only go when it really worked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are they getting further away? Have people moved?

yes, brother 1 moved further away.

So brother 1 moved farther away, but still expects you to travel to him? And, as you said on your OP, "And none of them are willing to make the long drive to my place or brother 2 on an even semi-regular basis."

That really says it all. They want to get together, but only if it doesn't inconvenience them at all.

Just stop going.

[Anonymous]

Definitely invite everyone to a gathering at your house (just plan and invite be getting everyone to agree to some kind of permanent change in location). Also can you send your teens without you occasionally since it sounds like they enjoy these gatherings.

And only go when it works for you. That’s a lot of driving to do a lot.