Jealous of a friend - why?

[Anonymous]

I have a particular friend that I find myself quite jealous of and I have no idea why. We aren’t even that close anymore yet I still feel this way. For example, he is very successful at his job and will probably make far more money than I will ever. He married someone very attractive. I found out he’s expecting a baby and I find myself weirdly jealous of how attractive his kids will be and how he’ll probably send them to the top private schools that I can’t afford…

I don’t know why I can’t just be happy for his success or at least feel neutral about it. I don’t really feel this way about other friends. What do you think is the root cause of friend jealousy?

[Anonymous]

You are human and jealousy is normal. Dcum hates jealousy so you will not get support here. But it’s normal. You want what he has. So go try and get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are human and jealousy is normal. Dcum hates jealousy so you will not get support here. But it’s normal. You want what he has. So go try and get it.

+1. You feel jealous because he has things you want and don't have. I feel that way all the time. It's normal and the best thing you can do is acknowledge and accept it, and then try to move past it.

Feeling jealousy is normal and common. The key is what you do with it. Ideally, jealousy can inform you of what you value and perhaps guide some of your own choices in your life. If that's not possible (certain things are circumstances, not choices), you just have to learn to accept it.

Also, and this will really make people on DCUM mad, but it's okay to take some space from someone who provokes a lot of jealousy, if you are having trouble dealing with it or it makes you feel particularly upset. Some comparisons can be painful and there's nothing wrong from just choosing not to expose yourself to it if it's going to have a negative impact on your mental health.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are human and jealousy is normal. Dcum hates jealousy so you will not get support here. But it’s normal. You want what he has. So go try and get it.

But attractiveness is not something someone can “go get”. You can’t go buy being 6-1 and being ripped with a 9 inch unit. So let’s be realistic now.

[Anonymous]

These are normal feelings. Maybe change your perspective— your friend is taking on a lot of RESPONSIBILITY. You are just looking in from the outside at the results of his efforts. Think about the effort he’s putting in day in, day out and see if you still have the same feelings. In any event, stop comparing yourself to others! He may be looking at you wishing he were single and just financially comfortable.

[Anonymous]

When I was a young adult, I would feel some internal shame, when a family member pointed out that I was probably jealous of another cousin (I was, though I hoped no one noticed.)

Now that I'm grown, I realized that there would not be many people on earth who wouldn't be jealous of that person (looks, money, talent, a doting family, etc.) I was just being human. Doesn't mean I'm going to be rude to her or take out her kneecaps

[Anonymous]

The root cause is it zeroes in on something you want. If you acknowledge it, the jealousy will go away and then you can go after it if you want to.

[Anonymous]

You follow this person on social media, don’t you.

Social media is designed to make you envious.

Cut out social media, and you will be much happier.

[Anonymous]

My husband and I are good looking and tall, we have a short kid with strabismus and huge ears that stick out, and he also has ADHD. But he’s the best!

Don’t be jealous, everyone has their own issues to deal with. Is this friend a good person? Can you learn from him? Then enjoy. Life is too short. Work on your self confidence and realize your jealousy is mostly based on your assumptions.