I was scolded for my past

[Anonymous]

A few years after high school I didn’t do anything. I got my first job in my early twenties. After not doing anything. Then after that job I started studying and got a degree.
Clearly I was a screw-up after high school. In those years I was suffering so much. My high school experience was horrible. I was not a role-model.

I share this because recently a woman really shamed me for it. I was invited to hang out with friends, and someone I’ve met a few times and I started talking.
I honestly told her that I’m not at all proud of it, and at the time I was suffering so much I had suicidal thoughts. Ever since those years I’ve been doing fine. I asked her ”have you never struggled in life?”, and ”have you never effed up?” she said ”No I’m responsible and have always been.” She also told me that she could tell ”from a vibe she got” that I was a bad egg. No one defended me, even though all of them have made mistakes that we’ve spoken about.
I’m 43 and don’t think I want to get new friends, so I’m surrounded by people who don’t care about me.

My question is: Am I the only one who has messed up in life? And should I stop seeing her or all of them?
I feel sick to my stomach. I haven’t been spoken to like this since middleschool by mean girls.

[Anonymous]

WTF. So don’t be friends with her. Move on.

I am sure this was very uncomfortable for everyone. I would not expect my friends to “defend me.” Your expectations are off.

[Anonymous]

Also are you sure she wasn’t being sarcastic?

[Anonymous]

She is not your friend!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:WTF. So don’t be friends with her. Move on.

I am sure this was very uncomfortable for everyone. I would not expect my friends to “defend me.” Your expectations are off.

NP. If someone laid into my friend like that in front of me, I would never sit there and say nothing. My god.

[Anonymous]

You're 43, these are things that happened YEARS ago. Not sure why anyone - you or her - is bringing it up. Otherwise, nothing is wrong with you. Be proud of how far you have come. She is a bee yatch.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like sarcasm to me, and self-deprecating on her part. Especially if she was laughing..”oh sure I have always been perfect…”

[Anonymous]

OP here.

I think the thing that bothered me the most is that she triggered something from when I was in my early twenties. At the time like I said I was basically fantasizing about suicide.
But now when she reacted this way, I’m thinking :” wow maybe I am an abhorrent human being for not having been perfection like most of my sorority type friends.”

[Anonymous]

I have no idea why you're sharing this with someone you don't know well, but that woman's response shows that she's a crappy person. I imagine that was extremely awkward for everyone, and maybe people weren't sure how to react in the moment.

[Anonymous]

Why are you bringing stuff like this up to new friends?

[Anonymous]

I cannot imagine a 40 something telling you that except in jest, and a group of friends sitting around listening to that.

More importantly, OP, please stop sharing in that guilt-ridden way. This was 20 years ago. Why are you not past this? You should say: "yeah, I was a bit lost in my early 20s but I managed to get a degree anyway after a period of finding myself". See how positive and empowering that statement is? And then all the other person can say is: "I'm glad you were successful!".

Adolescence is rough and people process it in various ways. YOU SHOULD NOT BE FEELING BAD FOR WHATEVER HAPPENED IN YOUR EARLY 20S UNLESS IT WAS CRIMINAL IN NATURE AND PEOPLE GOT HURT BECAUSE OF YOU. And even if that happened, well you've got to move past it as some point, right?

Forgive yourself.
Reprocess the way you're thinking about yourself. Nix all shame, guilt, fear of breaking rules.
Learn to communicate and read other people better.
Choose your friends wisely.

It's very obvious to me you're on the spectrum, BTW. Individual and group therapy centered around self-awareness and communication will help you.

[Anonymous]

OP, did you know Brene Brown didn’t go straight to school. I think she started undergrad in her late 20s. I’ve never heard a single influencer, including Oprah, talk down to her for her path.

Hold your head up high for not being an a$$hole like this person was to you.

[Anonymous]

OP here.
I brought it up because another friend shared that her kid is dealing with mental health issues. So I shared that I was suffering intensely with those things ~2 decades ago and that I’m so much better now after therapy.
And so I didn’t mind to share more. Clearly a mistake.

[Anonymous]

I mean, it kind of sound like you hounded her with questions first. Why were you asking her if she's ever messed up or made mistakes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
A few years after high school I didn’t do anything. I got my first job in my early twenties. After not doing anything. Then after that job I started studying and got a degree.
Clearly I was a screw-up after high school. In those years I was suffering so much. My high school experience was horrible. I was not a role-model.

I share this because recently a woman really shamed me for it. I was invited to hang out with friends, and someone I’ve met a few times and I started talking.
I honestly told her that I’m not at all proud of it, and at the time I was suffering so much I had suicidal thoughts. Ever since those years I’ve been doing fine. I asked her ”have you never struggled in life?”, and ”have you never effed up?” she said ”No I’m responsible and have always been.” She also told me that she could tell ”from a vibe she got” that I was a bad egg. No one defended me, even though all of them have made mistakes that we’ve spoken about.
I’m 43 and don’t think I want to get new friends, so I’m surrounded by people who don’t care about me.

My question is: Am I the only one who has messed up in life? And should I stop seeing her or all of them?
I feel sick to my stomach. I haven’t been spoken to like this since middleschool by mean girls.

OMG, get away from these women. They are not your friends and horrible people. YOu also shouldn't be that vulnerable with people you dont know. Trust me, I was a part of a church and you would think the women there would be different but they were even worse than regular folks. GET AWAY!!!!!