Is my mom normal?

[Anonymous]

When my mom sees that I’m sad or upset and she asks me what’s wrong and I tell her ”nothing I’m fine.” Instead of just leaving me alone and trying later she gets defensive.
She’ll see that I’m not talking (cause I’m sad!) so as she firmly stands up to walk out of my room she rashly says simultaneously: ”I’m never going in to this room again!”
Or she’ll say : ” I wish God would remove me from this earth”.
Or she’ll say ”My life was destined to be miserable since I was born”.

Yes only because I’m upset at the moment. And then I have to apologize to her so that she’ll talk to me again. And when I apologize she starts crying and says how unfair I am. And everytime this happens I remind myself that I can not ever show sadness to her. Until I forget.

Is this normal?

[Anonymous]

Not normal at all. Your mom needs a therapist. I'm sorry you have to deal with that selfish and self-absorbed behavior.

[Anonymous]

Why are you spending time with her at all?

[Anonymous]

Op here, other than what I described she is perfection. Im obviously biased.

But that behaviour hurts me. Let me add that I have alot of issues in my life and I think shes so upset so her sadness is coming out in anger… Not ok I know.

Shes gone to therapy once and that was when she was 30years old right after her mom and sister died (2weeks after eachother, sister-cancer and mom-stroke).

[Anonymous]

Well, tbh, you saying “I’m fine” when you’re not is kinda passive aggressive. So next time, change your language and use your words. “I’m a little sad right now, I don’t want to talk about it yet, I will later, and I don’t want you to be hurt, right now I need to be alone.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, tbh, you saying “I’m fine” when you’re not is kinda passive aggressive. So next time, change your language and use your words. “I’m a little sad right now, I don’t want to talk about it yet, I will later, and I don’t want you to be hurt, right now I need to be alone.”

Fair enough. When Im hurt im so low. Dont want to talk to anyone.
Im in the wrong too

[Anonymous]

Do you live together? Are you an adult?

Her behavior isn’t normal, no. You are very astute to recognize that her sadness might be manifesting as anger, but her reaction likely reflects her own history and baggage, so do not internalize it; you are not responsible for her emotional state.

[Anonymous]

No it isn't normal. It's overly dramatic or even histrionic. But it isn't going to change now.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely not "normal" OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
When my mom sees that I’m sad or upset and she asks me what’s wrong and I tell her ”nothing I’m fine.” Instead of just leaving me alone and trying later she gets defensive.
She’ll see that I’m not talking (cause I’m sad!) so as she firmly stands up to walk out of my room she rashly says simultaneously: ”I’m never going in to this room again!”
Or she’ll say : ” I wish God would remove me from this earth”.
Or she’ll say ”My life was destined to be miserable since I was born”.

Yes only because I’m upset at the moment. And then I have to apologize to her so that she’ll talk to me again. And when I apologize she starts crying and says how unfair I am. And everytime this happens I remind myself that I can not ever show sadness to her. Until I forget.

Is this normal?

Talk to her gently. Tell her how she is making it difficult for you to talk to her. Talk to your therapist or school counselor about giving you communication skills to handle it.

[Anonymous]

It's good that she asks you what is wrong when you look sad. That's what concern parents do.

See it from her point of view. She responds that way because she is not getting the answers/response she wants. And she knows something is troubling you, but you are not telling her. Her reaction is almost like, it's hopeless because you will remain sad and your mom can't help you BECAUSE you don't tell her what the problem is.
There is a bit of miscommunication or the lack of it between you and her.

Try telling her what is making you sad and see what her response is. If she wants to solve your problems, that's just what some parents do-solve problems for their kids. If she still respond negatively towards you after you tell her your problems, then, tell her the negativity bothers you. But, if you want to be mature, you can say something is bothering you but it's a problem that you need to handle on your own. You could ask for advice. But, if you simply do not know why you are sad but others see it, something is bother you.
You can't change her behavior or thoughts but you can learn to develop yourself into a mature and responsible person.

[Anonymous]

Is she an immigrant? Some cultures stress destiny- my mom was always going on about how her destiny was to be disappointed (including by her children). No, it wasn’t great but it was grounded in how she was raised.

[Anonymous]

Psycho

[Anonymous]

It's not normal.

My mom behaved similarly when she's disappointed with us. Usually it's something minor but kindly meant from her pov. When we declined her offer of (you name it, an extra serving of food, a pair of house slippers, an extra blanket) she would sometimes lash out and swear terrible things on her own life.

It's a manipulative tactic from an emotional immature person.

[Anonymous]

Some people want to "fix" or "help" but they can't, and they end up pushing guilt on the suffering person and "stealing" the limelight, turning your suffering into their problem and then pushing you to fix it. It creates a vicious cycle.

All you can do is hide your pain or avoid them.