My daughter broke her glasses on purpose

[Anonymous]

My daughter bent her glasses frames. I asked how it happened, and she made up a story of being on the playground. I guess her dad didn't believe it and he got her to tell him she just bent it during circle time in class. She's in 1st grade.

I asked why she did it, she said it's because she doesn't like them. She wants new ones. We just got these glasses a couple months ago, and we are low income, so I really didn't need something else to buy. Not sure if they will be covered under warranty.

She says she wants contacts, but she obviously not responsible for that. She says doesn't like how they feel on her nose, and she says she wants pink, not purple. Should I get the same ones, or cater to her wanting different ones?

[Anonymous]

If you decide to buy new ones, go to Zenni on-line
https://www.zennioptical.com/?gclid=Cj0KCQjw9MCnBhCYARIsAB1WQVX5tZcKS1ScMU4kAK_B63rlx52bwZPodFKcE9EQuZ3rYxc4wqM26ZQaAh0_EALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds

They are inexpensive and easy to get. You upload your prescription to the web-site and a photo of your child's face. The web-site will walk you though how to measure your child's face (you print out a measuring scale). Once you have the prescription and measurements in, you can pick any frame and put the frame on your child's photo. I had my son come to the computer and he picked out the frames he wanted from looking at how they looked on his face.

The basic frame he selected were $20.00. With a bunch of add-ones (anti-glare coating, fog resistance, etc), it came to $60, but those things are optional. And he loves his glasses and he loves how he looks in them.

If you don't have a printer, you can download the measuring image to your phone, then go to FedEx/Kinko's/Staples/etc and they will tell you how to print from your phone. I know that FedEx/Kinko's has an email address you email the image and they will print from the email. It's under a dollar, something like 65-75 cents to print one page. You can also do the imaging and "try ons" on your phone.

Added bonus. I saw there were pink glasses options on the "Glasses under $30" page.

[Anonymous]

She gets what you decide on, but she absolutely does not get purple. IF there’s an actual problem with the nosepiece, (other than its color), you might take that into consideration, but even then, it’s probably just a matter of adjustment.

Also, this has to cost her something. Have her do extra chores to work off sone of the cost (even a token amount), suspend part of her allowance if she gets one, and/or withhold a treat/privilege she otherwise would have received because: you’re using the money for the glasses, you don’t have time because of the extra work you have to do to pay for the glasses, and/or she’s shown she’s not responsible enough for a privilege and certainly doesn’t deserve a treat.

If she learns that she can manipulate you by breaking things she doesn’t want to get what she prefers, you’ll have a lot of replacements in your future.

[Anonymous]

I totally get your frustration, but a first grader is so young still. And at least she told the truth eventually, right? Don't go too hard or she'll just learn to be more secretive next time. I would get her the pink ones and give her a serious threat about breaking them again. If you want to impose a consequence, maybe say no to the next discretionary spending (ice cream, whatever) she asks for because "we had to spend that money on replacing your glasses."

And have you tried the online glasses sellers? So much cheaper and the quality is great. I use Eye Buy Direct and have never had issues. https://www.eyebuydirect.com/eyeglasses/frames/thinker-clear-pink-xs-20848

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She gets what you decide on, but she absolutely does not get purple. IF there’s an actual problem with the nosepiece, (other than its color), you might take that into consideration, but even then, it’s probably just a matter of adjustment.

Also, this has to cost her something. Have her do extra chores to work off sone of the cost (even a token amount), suspend part of her allowance if she gets one, and/or withhold a treat/privilege she otherwise would have received because: you’re using the money for the glasses, you don’t have time because of the extra work you have to do to pay for the glasses, and/or she’s shown she’s not responsible enough for a privilege and certainly doesn’t deserve a treat.

If she learns that she can manipulate you by breaking things she doesn’t want to get what she prefers, you’ll have a lot of replacements in your future.

Oops, I got the color preference turned around. She absolutely does not get the color she wants.

[Anonymous]

A few thoughts:

1) she very well may post hoc identifying reasons for breaking it after the fact to justify that she broke them. I would not give the reasons too much weight.
2) if my kid broke their glasses on purpose or even by accident doing something that they shouldn't have been doing. I'd take my time getting them new ones (especially in 1st grade, not driving, not a lot of board work etc). And let them use the broken ones or not use glasses for awhile. I'd just say it will take a while to get new ones. When things break can't always replace right away. Help them grow some appreciation for their glasses and their glasses not being broken. How long to take on this can take a lot into consideration, is this a pattern, actual ability to replace (cost etc). So wouldn't drag it out too much, but also don't need to replace instantly
3) recommend Zenni for glasses. Can get glasses for as cheap at 6 dollars. Take the stress off yourself and her! (I personally have 4 pairs, so I can change them up and don't have to worry about temporarily misplace them or break them - this is after wearing a broken pair of glasses for over 12 years...)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A few thoughts:

1) she very well may post hoc identifying reasons for breaking it after the fact to justify that she broke them. I would not give the reasons too much weight.
2) if my kid broke their glasses on purpose or even by accident doing something that they shouldn't have been doing. I'd take my time getting them new ones (especially in 1st grade, not driving, not a lot of board work etc). And let them use the broken ones or not use glasses for awhile. I'd just say it will take a while to get new ones. When things break can't always replace right away. Help them grow some appreciation for their glasses and their glasses not being broken. How long to take on this can take a lot into consideration, is this a pattern, actual ability to replace (cost etc). So wouldn't drag it out too much, but also don't need to replace instantly
3) recommend Zenni for glasses. Can get glasses for as cheap at 6 dollars. Take the stress off yourself and her! (I personally have 4 pairs, so I can change them up and don't have to worry about temporarily misplace them or break them - this is after wearing a broken pair of glasses for over 12 years...)

Don’t fail to get your kid glasses because you’re angry. You can permanently worsen her eyesight that way. There are better ways to make your point that damaging her eyes.

[Anonymous]

I would be pissed if my child did this so I understand, but I would get the glasses in the color she wanted (I second all the recs for Zenni) because you want her to like wearing them. She needs to learn that what she did was wrong but maybe there is another way to impart that lesson? I would not feel the same if it were, say, shoes that she purposely ruined because she wanted a different pair.

[Anonymous]

Not saying don't replace them, just don't jump through extra hoops to make it instantaneous. She can deal with broken or no glasses for the 3-4 weeks it takes to not expedite production and shipping.

[Anonymous]

My glasses had a warranty for replacement in the first 12 months for loss, breaking or scratching, etc, you should check and make sure you don't have a warranty, I'd think most parents would get it almost automatically if available. Mine are from MyEyeDr.

[Anonymous]

Duct tape those suckers back together and give them back to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She gets what you decide on, but she absolutely does not get purple. IF there’s an actual problem with the nosepiece, (other than its color), you might take that into consideration, but even then, it’s probably just a matter of adjustment.

Also, this has to cost her something. Have her do extra chores to work off sone of the cost (even a token amount), suspend part of her allowance if she gets one, and/or withhold a treat/privilege she otherwise would have received because: you’re using the money for the glasses, you don’t have time because of the extra work you have to do to pay for the glasses, and/or she’s shown she’s not responsible enough for a privilege and certainly doesn’t deserve a treat.

If she learns that she can manipulate you by breaking things she doesn’t want to get what she prefers, you’ll have a lot of replacements in your future.

I Absolutely agree with this. She does not get to get her way, I would not get purple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you decide to buy new ones, go to Zenni on-line
https://www.zennioptical.com/?gclid=Cj0KCQjw9MCnBhCYARIsAB1WQVX5tZcKS1ScMU4kAK_B63rlx52bwZPodFKcE9EQuZ3rYxc4wqM26ZQaAh0_EALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds

They are inexpensive and easy to get. You upload your prescription to the web-site and a photo of your child's face. The web-site will walk you though how to measure your child's face (you print out a measuring scale). Once you have the prescription and measurements in, you can pick any frame and put the frame on your child's photo. I had my son come to the computer and he picked out the frames he wanted from looking at how they looked on his face.

The basic frame he selected were $20.00. With a bunch of add-ones (anti-glare coating, fog resistance, etc), it came to $60, but those things are optional. And he loves his glasses and he loves how he looks in them.

If you don't have a printer, you can download the measuring image to your phone, then go to FedEx/Kinko's/Staples/etc and they will tell you how to print from your phone. I know that FedEx/Kinko's has an email address you email the image and they will print from the email. It's under a dollar, something like 65-75 cents to print one page. You can also do the imaging and "try ons" on your phone.

Added bonus. I saw there were pink glasses options on the "Glasses under $30" page.

If you order online, you're optometrist can give you pupiliary distance when you get your prescription. It's much easier than trying to do it yourself

[Anonymous]

Can you unbend the frames so she has to wear the same ones? I'd do that if possible. Consequences. If they can't be fixed, I definitely wouldn't capitulate on the color because that will only reinforce that if she doesn't like something she can just break it and get something new.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Duct tape those suckers back together and give them back to her.

That is exactly what my parents did when I was in first grade and actually did break them accidently at recess. But that was the 80s.