DH is frequently negative and unenthusiastic

[Anonymous]

Our relationship is one sided. We’ve been together for almost a decade. Pretty much I decide everything and DH goes along with it. While this dynamic has been helpful at points in our relationship, it also makes me extremely frustrated with him.

The problem is he’s prone to negativity and a general lack of enthusiasm about the things. So, for example, I choose a movie and he tells me why that’s a stupid choice, bc one of the actors in the movie supports some alt right group, or some other fact that spoils the movie for me. I choose a color to paint our walls and he doesn’t say a single nice thing about it. When I ask him how it looks (after hours of planning, purchasing, taping, and painting), he says flatly, it looks “okay.” When I buy the kids all of their new school clothes and shoes, he says nothing. When pressed, he says the clothes are “nice,” then grumbles about how we spend too much money.

I could go on and on with examples bc this is how he is all day. It really hurts my feelings bc I put in so much thought into making good choices for our family.

He’s on anti depressants. I’ve tried talking with him about how I would like him to respond instead. He remembers for a day or so if I keep nagging him for kind responses, but then he’s back to his usual.

Also, when I say he upsets me, he just kind of stares at me blankly and says nothing. Eventually I just get worn down and move on. Things go back to normal and then the argument resurfaces again a couple months later.

Does anyone have a DH like this? Has anything helped?

[Anonymous]

"I make all the decisions because he's learned that I won't accept any decisions he makes. Now I nag him into doing everything I want, but still he is negative and unenthusiastic. What's wrong with him?"

[Anonymous]

Yep. Many are like this. I sometimes feel I should have married a woman

[Anonymous]

Maybe get his anti depression meds increased or adjusted.

Is this is general personality? Some people are natural Eyore-type people. Apathetic . It's just mentally easier to be that way than to articulate a thought or opinion or show emotion.

[Anonymous]

I am the wall painter in my house. I am the one who has poured over paint swatches, bought the paint and was the paint laborer. I have never asked him if he likes my selection. So, I guess I would recommend you quit having these conversations. He doesn’t care. Will he choose a movie if you ask him or would he prefer to stay home? If you want to see the Barbie movie, ask your girlfriends.

[Anonymous]

My husband lets me do everything too and it’s not a perfect dynamic, but I for sure don’t expect him to say nice things about the stuff I do or buy.

You need to find that affirmation somewhere else. From your friends, from your mom, whatever. Someone who will enjoy a pic of your kids in their new clothes. Text it to them and say “back to school clothes for Larla and Larlo!” Or someone who likes decorating and you can say “after 8 samples, I went with Cotton Balls. Can’t wait to have you over for wine to experience the magic.”

If your husband sucks just let him suck. Stop trying to get him to do or say something he doesn’t want to say. Go to the movies by yourself. Have fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I make all the decisions because he's learned that I won't accept any decisions he makes. Now I nag him into doing everything I want, but still he is negative and unenthusiastic. What's wrong with him?"

Exactly.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't expect my DH to give me any real opinion on the color of wall paint or on clothing. It sounds to me like you are wanting attention from him. Maybe try talking to him about things he will find interesting as opposed to expecting him to literally interest himself in paint drying?

[Anonymous]

OP, are you enthusiastic for his interests?

[Anonymous]

Whose idea was the antidepressants? I hoped you arnt drugging him on top of everything else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I make all the decisions because he's learned that I won't accept any decisions he makes. Now I nag him into doing everything I want, but still he is negative and unenthusiastic. What's wrong with him?"

You're forgetting that her talking Ken doll also keeps forgetting the phrases she programmed in. It's probably a bad battery.

[Anonymous]

DH is sort of like this and only in marriage counseling did it seem to “click” for him that it’s annoying. I will say that I don’t expect him to show enthusiasm for things like paint colors or furniture but when he does it’s a very pleasant surprise.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like this DH has been beat down and is tired of having "discussions" where the answer is already preplanned but the wife wants to "discuss" with the husband until he provides the answer she wants to hear. He's learned its just easier not to care just like the other poster has stated and it's bled into every part of life. I know because I'm this DH in my marriage.

[Anonymous]

There is a scene in Lost in Translation about this paint color thing -- I remember watching the poor Bill Murray character look like he wanted to die when asked by his wife about wall paint swatches.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like this DH has been beat down and is tired of having "discussions" where the answer is already preplanned but the wife wants to "discuss" with the husband until he provides the answer she wants to hear. He's learned its just easier not to care just like the other poster has stated and it's bled into every part of life. I know because I'm this DH in my marriage.

hello DH nice of you to chime in