Getting kid to eat & drink as needed

[Anonymous]

My 8th grader hardly eats breakfast. He has social anxiety, so also barely eats lunch at school. And I’m realizing he also does not drink much water until home. So by the end of the school day, he’s far beyond exhausted.

Obviously all issues. He’s in therapy for the anxiety.

Sports are about to start. But - not eating and not drinking? It just won’t work. He’s a strong, athletic kid but this has become untenable.

I can’t figure out how to get this through to him: he’s not caring for his body properly, so I am monitoring things until he does. It is just starting to feel so controlling and like a power struggle. I’m terrified that an eating disorder could develop from the constant focus on food and drink (or really, the lack thereof).

How would you even begin to manage this? I feel as lost trying to help him as he seems to feel in life right now. Help us, please, anyone who’s BTDT?

[Anonymous]

From your description it sounds like he may already have an eating disorder. Seek help from a clinic that specializes in it? Particularly for males?

[Anonymous]

Can you give him big meal when he gets home from school?

[Anonymous]

I can’t address the anxiety issue (so sorry- that must be ao stressful) but in terms of physical health:

my kids started eating much the same way in middle school. I don’t think it is that uncommon? Mine would barely eat breakfast (school starts so early), pick at their lunches at best (too busy talking)- then come home and eat like crazy. Basically a full meal at 3pm after school, actual dinner at some point- depending on sports schedule, and a 3rd meal or heavy snack before or after practice depending. They are all healthy & growing normally. It has gotten better in high school due to a much later start time- they actually eat breakfast now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you give him big meal when he gets home from school?

Yes. He will eat a big meal when he gets home. And then a good-sized meal for dinner. And then gets always himself a snack before bed. Plenty of vegetables, etc. And loves treats, too, of course; we’ve never been restrictive about foods.

But not eating during the day and then going straight from class to sport? Not going to cut it. He’s a strong kid who’s growing very quickly right now and needs more calories and hydration throughout the day.

I know we need to keep him chipping away at anxiety management, and he is working on it. I just don’t want to make things worse somehow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t address the anxiety issue (so sorry- that must be ao stressful) but in terms of physical health:

my kids started eating much the same way in middle school. I don’t think it is that uncommon? Mine would barely eat breakfast (school starts so early), pick at their lunches at best (too busy talking)- then come home and eat like crazy. Basically a full meal at 3pm after school, actual dinner at some point- depending on sports schedule, and a 3rd meal or heavy snack before or after practice depending. They are all healthy & growing normally. It has gotten better in high school due to a much later start time- they actually eat breakfast now.

Thank you for sharing this. It’s good to know maybe it’s not as “abnormal” as it feels to me at times. He’s my only child so no in-house comparison!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From your description it sounds like he may already have an eating disorder. Seek help from a clinic that specializes in it? Particularly for males?

I would worry more about this if he weren’t eating as much at home in the evenings, but it is on my radar for sure.

[Anonymous]

Do you know the sports coach? If the coach is willing to talk to the whole team about how they need to be fueling their bodies and hydrating for health and performance might that help?

[Anonymous]

For the hydration issue: I know kids are only allowed water during the school day, but can have other things with lunch. If you send something enticing, would he be more inclined to drink it? Favorite Gatorade or sports drink, juice, chocolate milk, etc?

Depending on school rules, you could also send snacks- protein bars etc. At our school, kids are not allowed to eat in class but they don’t mind if they grab something quick out of their lockers between classes.

[Anonymous]

How does he react when you talk to him? Has he complained of fatigue or is this all you assuming? If he agrees with you, but doesn't want to eat at lunch because of anxiety, he can take protein bars.

The water thing could be not wanting to go to the bathroom at school.

[Anonymous]

What about an arrangement with the school where he could eat in private? Maybe in the office or a favorite teacher's classroom?

[Anonymous]

I was an athlete and didn’t eat at school. We also weren’t allowed to have water bottles throughout the day. We all survived. I think you just let this go. He’ll eat when he needs to.

[Anonymous]

We send my very underweight tween athlete to school with a high protein smoothie cup. So far she’s been allowed to drink through the morning without issue. I’ve messaged her teachers and it’s in a water cup.

Lunch is high calorie/high fat options. Every bite matters. Cheese, guac + chips, perfect bars. No raw veggies or fruit. Nothing low calorie.

I make a lot of precooked Costco bacon in the morning. If I can get 1-2 pieces in her, great.

She will always eat the low calorie/healthy option if it’s in front of her. She wolfs down fruit, salad, sushi, steak for dinner. The focus is high density energy giving foods when she’s not hungry/too busy/anxious.

Good luck OP. I feel your pain!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you give him big meal when he gets home from school?

Yes. He will eat a big meal when he gets home. And then a good-sized meal for dinner. And then gets always himself a snack before bed. Plenty of vegetables, etc. And loves treats, too, of course; we’ve never been restrictive about foods.

But not eating during the day and then going straight from class to sport? Not going to cut it. He’s a strong kid who’s growing very quickly right now and needs more calories and hydration throughout the day.

I know we need to keep him chipping away at anxiety management, and he is working on it. I just don’t want to make things worse somehow.

A lot of kids don't eat in school. I think you are making a bigger deal over this than you ned to. If he is eating a meal when he gets home and dinner plus snacks this is not an eating disorder. If you are taking him to the sports, have a meal ready in the car.

[Anonymous]

What was his eating pattern this past summer?