Lending Money, What Would You Do

[Anonymous]

A friend asked for money. I have it but I don't want to give it. Should I? AITA for not sending it when she's in need?

My friend lives in South America. I lived in her country for a couple of years after college, studying and teaching English. That's how we met. We've stayed in touch for the last 15 years, visiting each other a few times over the years. We text weekly and facetime sometimes. Her country has been having economic problems , particularly high inflation, for a number of years. About 4 years ago, I lent her and her husband $5,000. She had lost her retail business and they had business loans in dollars, but their currency had been devalued. They needed money. They have not paid me back, which is fine. They are not in a position to be able to and I don't expect them to ever pay me back. Now, she's asked me for a $3,000 loan. I'm doing well and have a lot more than $3k in my personal short term savings, but I just don't want to send it. I have young children, we are saving for home renovations and anticipated medical expenses, and I like having a cushion. I know I should be generous. I come from low income background and while it's not at all like what my friend is going through, I can empathize with needing money for basics. My philosophy is to only lend money I don't mind losing and I would be upset losing this money. My friend is very worried and I'm not sure what they are going to do. What would you do?

[Anonymous]

I would not lend the money. She didn't pay you back the 5k. Now she wants 3k. Where will it end for her? She sees you as an ATM.

[Anonymous]

Only give her money if you are comfortable knowing it will not be repaid and she will ask again in the future.

[Anonymous]

Don’t do loans to friends. Do gifts, if you can and want to.

What about doing a $1k gift, and telling her this is as much as you’re comfortable doing until your kids are launched?

It’s not like she can’t give you a $1k gift back someday if she’s able. But making it a gift is more realistic than a loan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t do loans to friends. Do gifts, if you can and want to.

What about doing a $1k gift, and telling her this is as much as you’re comfortable doing until your kids are launched?

It’s not like she can’t give you a $1k gift back someday if she’s able. But making it a gift is more realistic than a loan.

This is great advice. Also, you are not obligated to give money to your friend just because you can technically afford it.

It is ok to say "I'm not in a position to make a loan right now. I'm so sorry that you are struggling."

[Anonymous]

Tell her that the $5000 was all you could loan her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A friend asked for money. I have it but I don't want to give it. Should I? AITA for not sending it when she's in need?

My friend lives in South America. I lived in her country for a couple of years after college, studying and teaching English. That's how we met. We've stayed in touch for the last 15 years, visiting each other a few times over the years. We text weekly and facetime sometimes. Her country has been having economic problems , particularly high inflation, for a number of years. About 4 years ago, I lent her and her husband $5,000. She had lost her retail business and they had business loans in dollars, but their currency had been devalued. They needed money. They have not paid me back, which is fine. They are not in a position to be able to and I don't expect them to ever pay me back. Now, she's asked me for a $3,000 loan. I'm doing well and have a lot more than $3k in my personal short term savings, but I just don't want to send it. I have young children, we are saving for home renovations and anticipated medical expenses, and I like having a cushion. I know I should be generous. I come from low income background and while it's not at all like what my friend is going through, I can empathize with needing money for basics. My philosophy is to only lend money I don't mind losing and I would be upset losing this money. My friend is very worried and I'm not sure what they are going to do. What would you do?

What advice are you expecting from an individualistic forum full of stingy people?
You know what they are going to tell you: Don't give her money, use your money for yourself, etc...

My advice would be to help your friend. When a friend goes through hardship and I have money and I can help, I give what I can afford to help them.
I have often given more money to charity when I didn't even know if that money ended up being used to really help people (most of the time that money benefits the non-profit executives more). If that money was even used to actually help people, it would be stranger that I didn't even know.
That's why I have no problems being generous and help people that I care about. Do the same OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A friend asked for money. I have it but I don't want to give it. Should I? AITA for not sending it when she's in need?

My friend lives in South America. I lived in her country for a couple of years after college, studying and teaching English. That's how we met. We've stayed in touch for the last 15 years, visiting each other a few times over the years. We text weekly and facetime sometimes. Her country has been having economic problems , particularly high inflation, for a number of years. About 4 years ago, I lent her and her husband $5,000. She had lost her retail business and they had business loans in dollars, but their currency had been devalued. They needed money. They have not paid me back, which is fine. They are not in a position to be able to and I don't expect them to ever pay me back. Now, she's asked me for a $3,000 loan. I'm doing well and have a lot more than $3k in my personal short term savings, but I just don't want to send it. I have young children, we are saving for home renovations and anticipated medical expenses, and I like having a cushion. I know I should be generous. I come from low income background and while it's not at all like what my friend is going through, I can empathize with needing money for basics. My philosophy is to only lend money I don't mind losing and I would be upset losing this money. My friend is very worried and I'm not sure what they are going to do. What would you do?

What advice are you expecting from an individualistic forum full of stingy people?
You know what they are going to tell you: Don't give her money, use your money for yourself, etc...

My advice would be to help your friend. When a friend goes through hardship and I have money and I can help, I give what I can afford to help them.
I have often given more money to charity when I didn't even know if that money ended up being used to really help people (most of the time that money benefits the non-profit executives more). If that money was even used to actually help people, it would be stranger that I didn't even know.
That's why I have no problems being generous and help people that I care about. Do the same OP.

OP already gave her friend $5000. Perhaps you can give OP your contact information and she can send it to your friend since you have seem to have more money than sense.

[Anonymous]

If you hadn’t already given her the $5000 which you have no chance of seeing again I may vote for giving her the $3000. Or if she’d repaid you the last time then sure. But $8000 to a friend is a lot of money. One semester tuition at a state flagship somewhere.

[Anonymous]

The unpaid loan on top of what she just requested is giving me a sense that you might be throwing good money after bad.

I'd tell her to consider the 5k loan a gift and she'd never have to pay you back. But you're not in a position to loan her any more.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think that this is a question where the input of others is helpful as everyone’s financial situation is different. You need to do what is comfortable for you here.

That said, we are wealthy. I wouldn’t notice $5k and I’d give it.

[Anonymous]

This is why you shouldn’t socialize outside your class

[Anonymous]

I would notice $3000 and would be very uncomfortable loaning money to a friend who has no real ability to pay me back — it would lead to bad feelings. So I agree with the consensus of: give as a gift or don’t give. I think in this situation, I would probably not give the $3k but it would maybe depend on friendship and exactly what you are financially? I have given my friends $50-500 for things over the years and never regretted it but I would hesitate to do so now even though it wouldn’t over draw my bank account because I have young kids and am trying to save for a house and pretty much constantly writing about money. Maybe for a health emergency? I think part of the problem with this situation is that it’s not really a one time thing — your friend has no way of making the money you give her help long term because her problems sound structural to her country. It sounds like if you give her $3k now, she’ll still be forced to ask for $2k in a couple years etc etc. Is she needing money for basic stuff? Can you send her care packages of stuff you can buy more cheaply in the US rather than cash?

[Anonymous]

I guess if it were a drop in the bucket for me, and potentially life-changing for my friend, I would give the $3k. But with the clear stipulation that this would be the very last time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A friend asked for money. I have it but I don't want to give it. Should I? AITA for not sending it when she's in need?

My friend lives in South America. I lived in her country for a couple of years after college, studying and teaching English. That's how we met. We've stayed in touch for the last 15 years, visiting each other a few times over the years. We text weekly and facetime sometimes. Her country has been having economic problems , particularly high inflation, for a number of years. About 4 years ago, I lent her and her husband $5,000. She had lost her retail business and they had business loans in dollars, but their currency had been devalued. They needed money. They have not paid me back, which is fine. They are not in a position to be able to and I don't expect them to ever pay me back. Now, she's asked me for a $3,000 loan. I'm doing well and have a lot more than $3k in my personal short term savings, but I just don't want to send it. I have young children, we are saving for home renovations and anticipated medical expenses, and I like having a cushion. I know I should be generous. I come from low income background and while it's not at all like what my friend is going through, I can empathize with needing money for basics. My philosophy is to only lend money I don't mind losing and I would be upset losing this money. My friend is very worried and I'm not sure what they are going to do. What would you do?

What advice are you expecting from an individualistic forum full of stingy people?
You know what they are going to tell you: Don't give her money, use your money for yourself, etc...

My advice would be to help your friend. When a friend goes through hardship and I have money and I can help, I give what I can afford to help them.
I have often given more money to charity when I didn't even know if that money ended up being used to really help people (most of the time that money benefits the non-profit executives more). If that money was even used to actually help people, it would be stranger that I didn't even know.
That's why I have no problems being generous and help people that I care about. Do the same OP.

OP already gave her friend $5000. Perhaps you can give OP your contact information and she can send it to your friend since you have seem to have more money than sense.

I feel sorry for you if $5000 is a lot of money. For me it’s not.