Friend seems always ready to catch others in a lie. How to proceed?

[Anonymous]

For example, we met at a restaurant the other day. I texted her to say “I’m here” since I told her I would be a few mins late. I went inside and she wasn’t there. A few mins passed and she walked in. She said “you didn’t tell me you were inside, you just said you were here.”

Another example is that I told her I had something to do at “around 3”. Later when I mentioned that I had a meeting at 3:15, she said “you told me it was at 3”.

She doesn’t say anything like “you’re lying” but she just looks skeptical and usually says “okay whatever”.

I’m not really sure what to do or if it’s just that she struggles with imprecise language?

[Anonymous]

I'd say "I said I was here, and here I am" or "yeah, 3:15 is around 3." If the way she's reacting to you is bothering you speak up.

[Anonymous]

She's very literal. I don't see it as her trying to catch you in a lie, just that she's very rigid.

[Anonymous]

She sounds highly anxious, OP. She can't handle a little vagueness, because to her that is a source of stress - she doesn't want to be the one "at fault" (waiting in the wrong area, late, etc).

[Anonymous]

Anxiety/rigidity like this are often part of the autism spectrum. Which is perfectly fine! As PP said, define the terms for her. And be reassuring.

[Anonymous]

“When you parse out my casual remarks, or get into extraneous details with a ‘gotcha’ attitude, it makes me feel like you’re trying to find fault with me, or that you don’t trust me. What is your intention?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She sounds highly anxious, OP. She can't handle a little vagueness, because to her that is a source of stress - she doesn't want to be the one "at fault" (waiting in the wrong area, late, etc).

BINGO! I knew this friend's thought process instantly because I'm prone to it. She doesn't want to feel like you are blaming her. Just chill and ignore. I could be wrong since she seems a bit more antagonistic than the situation merits but this sounds right.

[Anonymous]

I don’t have any advice but know the type and find it annoying. I’m sure it comes from previous negative experiences but it is difficult to feel totally comfortable around someone who is always looking for a “gotcha” moment

[Anonymous]

The first example is understandable. Usually someone would wait for you outside if you said you would arrive at a certain time so it's best to be specific about where you are when you say you are "here."

She is precise when stating times, you are not. This could be cultural. My father is German and precise about time whereas my mother is Polynesian and more flexible.

[Anonymous]

I knew someone like this. Deep down she just didn't like me and was always trying to expose me, embarrass me, call me out in front of others. I eventually dropped her. An example would be like I told her once I didn't like the sushi at such-and-such restaurant. Then while in a group discussing sushi and I said I love a certain roll she would not pass up the chance to say "but I thought you didn't like sushi" and it was such a buzz kill to have to set her straight or say it was just that one time and that one restaurant. She just couldn't let anything go, always on my back about stupid details she thought she recalled that I must be lying about now and needed to be called out on. Ditch the dead weight.

[Anonymous]

She sounds literal.

Send her to DCUM; she'll fit right in. There's always people who like to analyze posts and play gotcha when they think a poster has written a detail that doesn't match.

[Anonymous]

I couldn't be friends with someone who likes to play gotcha. I dropped someone for this a long time ago. Friends should support each other or what's the point.

[Anonymous]

1. Might she be on the spectrum and very literal? If yes, I’d grant some grace with social interactions/language.

2. Do you think she authored the post about being excluded from a girls’ trip? If yes, proceed with caution.

[Anonymous]

Good grief people, you can be precise and literal without being on the spectrum.

I'm German and an engineer by profession. I too would think around 3:00 pm meant 3/3:05. 3:15, for me, is another time: 3:15. It doesn[t mean I think the person is lying or that I'm trying to "gotcha" them. People interpret things differently. Now you know that your friend is like that, just be clear. It's not that hard and it's not likely that there is anything underlying it other than a different way of thinking or communicatng.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“When you parse out my casual remarks, or get into extraneous details with a ‘gotcha’ attitude, it makes me feel like you’re trying to find fault with me, or that you don’t trust me. What is your intention?”

Who talks like this to a friend?