Transferring to be with GF

[Anonymous]

DS wants to transfer from UMD to University of Arizona. He is a rising sophomore, majoring in Info Science. He tells us how UA has better choice of concentrations and how it’s a great school for him. But he probably wants to be close to his GF who goes there.

We don’t think it’s a wise choice for many reasons. But it’s not possible to reason with him because the heart wants what it wants. She is his first GF and he is in love.

It would be OOS tuition for us, but we offered him originally to apply to OOS schools. He just chose UMD. So, it would be kind of manipulative of us to play the tuition cost card now. Or not? WWYD

[Anonymous]

Wtf. No. You should not have to pay MORE money so that he can transfer to a WORSE and more expensive s school. Agreeing to pay for an out of state school if he didn’t get into Maryland, or agreeing to pay for say UVA or UCLA, is very different from paying more for a school ranked lower.

[Anonymous]

This has to be a Sunday evening bored middle schooler. I cannot believe for a second that this is real. No. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

Offer to pay for airline tickets instead OP.
That's crazy!

[Anonymous]

She will break up with him in disgust just from him being so pathetic as to move across the country and attend a worse school just to be with her.

Tell him no.

[Anonymous]

I dunno. Maybe I'm crazy, but don't think it's that cut and dry as PPs are making it out to be. I guess it depends. How long have they been dating? Does your "mom sense" tell you this is a real thing, or more infatuation?

My sister transferred from William & Mary to Penn State back in the day. Told our parents and herself that it was because she wanted a bigger school, but realistically...it was because of the boyfriend. They'd been dating since junior year of HS. The recently celebrated 20 years of marriage 🤷‍♀️ And the Penn State degree didn't stop her from taking the exact path she intended on taking from William & Mary (UVA Law School).

[Anonymous]

I’d go to UofA over UMD for the weather alone. They are an amazing school with great academics, super fun, good recruiting. Let him do it!

[Anonymous]

Arizona is not a bad school. They do have a good program for info science and other similar fields. I think this is one of those things you need to let him figure out for himself, honestly.

I posted several years ago about my daughter (then a college junior) wanting to get a college apartment with her boyfriend who attended the same school. Everyone here was all OMG no way, that's insane, don't allow this, this won't end well etc etc etc. But she did it...and all went well, they lived together senior year too, for two years post-grad, and are now engaged to be married in May. You never know.

[Anonymous]

Risky because he might get his heart broken.

What is his girlfriend's stance on this ?

[Anonymous]

<sigh>

Don't do that. A couple of plane tickets is enough.

What he is really worried about is the idea that she may be dating other people. And at that age why wouldn't she be? Frankly, why isn't he?

And if they are that serious they should be engaged and/or married.

[Anonymous]

I would consider it. But he needs to wait until next year to make sure it is not spontaneous. I don’t think it’s crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wtf. No. You should not have to pay MORE money so that he can transfer to a WORSE and more expensive s school. Agreeing to pay for an out of state school if he didn’t get into Maryland, or agreeing to pay for say UVA or UCLA, is very different from paying more for a school ranked lower.

[Anonymous]

This would be a hard no for me. If he wants to have sex with his girlfriend, tell him to get a job so he can fly there. They should be dating other people anyway.

[Anonymous]

My college kid is in a dating situation that I don’t necessarily think it’s a good idea. But I have learned from observation and my own experience as a young person that I cannot dictate who my kid is dating or the circumstances. It is not healthy for anyone. So manipulating where he goes to school so that he dates other people is borderline creepy.

[Anonymous]

I have a sophomore at UMD with a serious girlfriend but she is on the same campus. If she were at UA and he really wanted to go, I’d first suggest that I provide plane tickets for him to go out a few times a year and see if that’s enough. If not, I’d encourage him to apply for fall 2024 rather than spring 2024. That will give him extra time to see where the relationship is heading. As for paying for it, I personally wouldn’t pay the difference in tuition. I’d tell my son that he has to come up with the difference. That would hopefully encourage him to really think through his motivations.