My brother copies everything I do - but better

[Anonymous]

This sounds crazy, I know, but I feel like such a failure.

1. I graduate Navy OCS, he graduates from Annapolis 5 years later, having never mentioned the military until I did.
2. I serve four years, he retires an O-6.
3. I learn to fly, he becomes an airline pilot as his second career.
4. I buy a vehicle, he buys the exact same one four trim levels higher (this happened twice).
5. I send my kids to a private school, he finds a more prestigious one that costs twice as much.
6. I bring an aspirational luxury handbag to Thanksgiving, his wife shows up at Christmas with the same brand, twice as big.

I know I'm just jealous, but I also feel like I've never been allowed to celebrate my successes, because here he comes a year or five later blowing them out of the water. Is this something therapy can help with?

[Anonymous]

Troll. Even though I hate when dcurban mom calls troll on everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Troll. Even though I hate when dcurban mom calls troll on everyone.

I wish.

[Anonymous]

I don't think you are crazy to be bothered by this. Maybe he's doing it on purpose, or maybe it's coincidental, but either way it seems completely understandable that you would be troubled. The problem is that there is really nothing to be done about it, except try to move on and love your life.

Or, there is always the nuclear option. Blow up your life, get addicted to drugs, declare bankruptcy, and contract an STD, then sit back and watch as he gets addicted to a newer and more expensive drug, gets convicted of multiple felonies, and somehow manages to contract the first ever human case of spotted oak fungus.

[Anonymous]

See it as a compliment

[Anonymous]

Sorry, I'm cracking up at " aspirational luxury handbag" too much to respond properly.

[Anonymous]

That would BOTHER me!

However, whether he is aware of his actions or not, you cannot let it show that they get to you. Indeed, I think you need to play this as little brother + wife giving you compliments on your strategy. You are their source of inspiration!!! You can mention it sometimes in a affectionately proud way. Just look at you, leading the way, Big Sis. Ignore the small matter that he may have gone beyond you in certain ways. You are not petty like this. No, you are INSPIRATIONAL. Mention that several times a year at family gatherings.

It will help counterbalance the private seething, and may eliminate it altogether.

[Anonymous]

As an only child with friends and relatives from larger families, I have observed that inter-sibling competition motivates a lot of the dynamics in many families. It's amazing to me how big of a force it plays in peoples' lives. I've seen it over and over again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That would BOTHER me!

However, whether he is aware of his actions or not, you cannot let it show that they get to you. Indeed, I think you need to play this as little brother + wife giving you compliments on your strategy. You are their source of inspiration!!! You can mention it sometimes in a affectionately proud way. Just look at you, leading the way, Big Sis. Ignore the small matter that he may have gone beyond you in certain ways. You are not petty like this. No, you are INSPIRATIONAL. Mention that several times a year at family gatherings.

It will help counterbalance the private seething, and may eliminate it altogether.

Me again. I've been on the other side of this. I don't copy anyone, indeed, my SILs have a very different style, but my mere existence is an irritation to them. I'm younger, work less, have a better quality of life, and spend a lot more on my kids than they do. I never post on social media and never gloat in front of them (or bring larger sized versions of their bags to Holidays), but sometimes my husband lets things slip, and I can tell they don't like it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, I'm cracking up at " aspirational luxury handbag" too much to respond properly.

That's an actual descriptor.

[Anonymous]

You're mad that someone younger than you does things later than you?

[Anonymous]

He's probably just trying to prove that men are better at women than everything.

[Anonymous]

In the he's trying to motivate you to put some effort into your life instead of just coasting.

[Anonymous]

Huh. I'm not seeing most of those as one uppers.

I think finding a cheaper private school you are happy with is a good thing!

I think going to a normal college and then OCS is perfectly fine. If you enlisted first, even more impressive. I don't see Annapolis as more impressive.

I think flashy handbags and whatever you are saying he did with his car are ostentatious.

I don't see why being an airline pliot is all that, unless you are unemployed and living in your parents' basement.

[Anonymous]

I think he looks up to his older sister and literally wants to be just like her. He clearly awed by you. I’m not sure how you could possibly take any of that as negative. You are his older sister. You know what’s what.