single parenting-how do you do it?

[Anonymous]

I lost my husband-father of my two young kids. He has been sick a few years and I was taking care of him and kids before he passed. my family is not local and friends are busy. I need to start looking for work and I am terrified. I can barely do it without working how will I do it when I work?! one kid will go to school another still too young. how do single parents do it?

[Anonymous]

The one too young for school will go to daycare or need a nanny. Lots of people think a nanny is easier but I preferred daycare.

It’s daunting but you do it one thing at a time. Having only one drop off/pickup eventually will help a lot.

[Anonymous]

We just do it. I know that's Nike's slogan but you don't have any other choice. Tackle one thing at a time. Do you have any savings/life insurance to get you through until you find a job? Do you have a place to live? Having a stable place to stay and money coming in will help a lot.

[Anonymous]

I’m so sorry for your loss, OP. I’m a single parent by choice so it’s a very different situation as I signed up for this. It can be hard but is manageable. I would definitely look for daycare for your younger and make sure your older is also enrolled in aftercare (assuming they’re elementary) so you have full time care for both kids. Ask on local fbook groups or list serves or via word of mouth for recommendations. As for how to do it while working: accept that your standards are lower. The food will be simpler, the weekends less adventurous, the 1:1 time with each kid will be limited, your house will likely be less clean. But that doesn’t there’s any less love.

Good luck and if you have any specific questions as opposed to generalized overwhelmed terror (which is super valid, and again I’m so sorry you’re in this situation) feel free to ask and we’ll do our best to give suggestions. <3

[Anonymous]

I'd move near family. You need the village. Look for work there.

[Anonymous]

DC has prk-3 or help paying for daycare if you don't have a lot of money. Another way would be to watch someone else's child while your own is with you.
I also lost my partner a few years ago, but my children are older. Survivor's benefits are a lot of help, but I do count every penny.

[Anonymous]

If you can find a remote job, that will make many things easier.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry for your loss. I would move to live close to family in your shoes. You need emergency backups and of course god forbid you pass away as well.

[Anonymous]

I’m so sorry for your loss. I have not been in your shoes, but I think the suggestion to move closer to family is worth consideration. Wishing you and your little ones peace as you figure everything out.

[Anonymous]

Another single mom by choice.

I'd look for childcare and aftercare options that have the maximum hours possible. You may not use the latest pickup every day, but there may be days you have a late call or meeting and it's good to be able to rely on it.

I would also prioritize remote work so you can do household tasks like laundry between calls or at lunch.

Even more important though is finding a job with little or no travel required. If there is travel required make sure you are making enough income that you could pay for an overnight sitter or fly a relative in to do overnights.

If you can afford it, set a regular date/time that you have a babysitter - perhaps weekly or every other week. This is important for two reasons: First, because you are going to need a parenting break, even if it's just something like getting your nails done or brunch with a friend. But the other reason is to build a relationship with a babysitter that you can call on for unexpected things. If your sitter knows she's getting paid by you every week, she's more likely to say yes when you have an unexpected ask.

Take all of the help that is offered. Drop off playdates. Another adult offering to take one child when you have school or sport commitments with both. Friends dropping off food or meds if you get sick. Don't feel like you have to do it all - accept the help.

And speaking of sick, the best thing I ever did is have my doctor give me a prescription for Zofran. Being a completely solo parent is totally do-able, except if you are violently sick/puking. It's saved me many times when I just needed to get myself back to "able to parent."

Best of luck to you as you navigate your new situation.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry for your loss. I’m another single parent by choice, so I signed up for this, and you didn’t plan for this, so it’s very scary. I hope you have a decent life insurance policy, so you have some breathing room. You will have to do with a checkbook what other people do with a spouse. The plus side (which won’t seem that way to you now) is that you get to make all the decisions and plans. No one else’s opinion to consider. You can declare pancakes for dinner any time you want. Make a system for everything - where the shoes go, when you pack lunches, when the laundry gets done.

Figure out your will ASAP. Who gets the kids if something should happen to you? Who can be your emergency backup locally for the short term? You’d be surprised who might offer. Look to meet up with other SMBCs - we get it and understand what it’s like to always be “on”. I have offered to other new single moms to be their local backup in an emergency, especially that daycare pickup or “omg I’m so sick today I need stuff”. If you’re at all religious, join a faith community - they are great places to meet other parents and make friendships. If they’re at all decent people, you will have offers of help, and as long as you’re not a total user who asks for everything all the time with an attitude, people will be happy to help.

Just breathe - you can do it.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry for your loss.

You should have inherited money from your DH (retirement, SS, insurance policy, etc), no?

That money should sustain you until your youngest is school age or at the very least pay for nanny/child care/au par/babysitter so you can at least get a PT or FT job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry for your loss.

You should have inherited money from your DH (retirement, SS, insurance policy, etc), no?

That money should sustain you until your youngest is school age or at the very least pay for nanny/child care/au par/babysitter so you can at least get a PT or FT job.

Not everyone has life insurance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry for your loss.

You should have inherited money from your DH (retirement, SS, insurance policy, etc), no?

That money should sustain you until your youngest is school age or at the very least pay for nanny/child care/au par/babysitter so you can at least get a PT or FT job.

Not everyone has life insurance.

Ok, that's fine ^^ it was just an example. You're missing the point. There are various survivor benefits SUCH AS life insurance, 401k, SS, that Op can use to help her pay for childcare which she will need if she's working..

[Anonymous]

Look at coabode.com