Plan with me your perfect IL/AL/Memory care/Nursing home for when the time comes

[Anonymous]

After all we have been through with my parent/inlaws, we plan to go willingly to IL/AL/MC/NH and ideally chose my place. I thought it would be fun to fantasize about the ideal facility where we move along as needed. Yes, I know this does not all exist. I am not looking for people's horror stories. Just thought it would be fun to plan together our dream place...

*Lots of Golden Retriever therapy dogs wandering about smiling, wagging their tails and ready to be showered with attention. We don't have to pick up their poop, just shower them with love and enjoy their sweet nature

*Beautiful gardens and seating areas

*Plenty of beautiful walking paths

*Huge fitness center with lots of windows that look out on the gardens. Fun exercise classes

*Farm to table healthy and tasty dining room food

*An option to have our own garden plot to grow some extra vegetables and flowers for our apartments

*A daycare on the facility where us old folk can volunteer to read stories, help at play time, etc

*Outings to good restaurants, rock concerts (LOL , musical theater

*Dance parties for those of us still mobile

What would you add or change??

[Anonymous]

This does exist. But you have to be able to afford to pay for it.

[Anonymous]

I would like to add another "component" for many families across the United States understanding that it would be expensive. Having a community where most likely one parent remaining could move into IL with an adult son or daughter who has a disability and who has needed a supportive housing situation throughout the years. The reality is that these likely "middle aged adults" attend the same adult day programs that older seniors need in the community. And they, too, need an option to move seamlessly as support services are needed.

Again, I know this is for those who have the ability to pay and also that CCRCs would need to have the ability to screen and set criteria for such "a couple" becoming a part of the community. Still if parents have thought ahead and have LTC insurance as well as funds, it could be a realistic option for at least some for a period in their life. It would also provide a realistic framework for a family (including siblings) to plan for the decline of three. Due to federal guidelines CCRCs are structured to serve those age 62 and older. One benchmark on an adult son/daughter also entering might be an age of 40 or 45.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I would like to add another "component" for many families across the United States understanding that it would be expensive. Having a community where most likely one parent remaining could move into IL with an adult son or daughter who has a disability and who has needed a supportive housing situation throughout the years. The reality is that these likely "middle aged adults" attend the same adult day programs that older seniors need in the community. And they, too, need an option to move seamlessly as support services are needed.

Again, I know this is for those who have the ability to pay and also that CCRCs would need to have the ability to screen and set criteria for such "a couple" becoming a part of the community. Still if parents have thought ahead and have LTC insurance as well as funds, it could be a realistic option for at least some for a period in their life. It would also provide a realistic framework for a family (including siblings) to plan for the decline of three. Due to federal guidelines CCRCs are structured to serve those age 62 and older. One benchmark on an adult son/daughter also entering might be an age of 40 or 45.

Yes, as the parent of a child with SN and medical issues, absolutely yes!

[Anonymous]

This is wonderful. I'll add: a secure medical neighborhood, not just a wing/floor, for memory patients.

Set in and among a walkable neighborhood with various housing types so that there is regular intergenerational interactions. My ideal would have a co-located child/elder care center.

[Anonymous]

A large gated campus where someone suffering from memory loss could walk and experience nature but not risk getting lost.

Honestly my mom has basic needs that aren’t met at her current ($$$$) place. Everything is reactive instead of proactive so if you aren’t able to ask for help (or have anxiety due to issues with talking) your needs aren’t getting met. Basic things like turning the TV on and off or changing an channel, opening a can, adjusting her thermostat. It sounds so simple but just helpers that would proactively assist with day to day living. If she asked she could get the help but she has a hard time asking.

[Anonymous]

My parent's CCRC had a medical clinic on site. It was such a godsend. There were a few specialists I still need to take them to, but 80% could be taken care of onsite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This does exist. But you have to be able to afford to pay for it.

I've been thinking a lot about this lately, and I realized that once you have moved to such a location - you are kind of stuck aren't you? There's a little bit of competition because people of means will leave if it is awful, but for the most part, there are probably only a few such locations in any given urban setting. Either you take it or leave it right? And at age 85 with failing health, who is going to leave?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This does exist. But you have to be able to afford to pay for it.

I've been thinking a lot about this lately, and I realized that once you have moved to such a location - you are kind of stuck aren't you? There's a little bit of competition because people of means will leave if it is awful, but for the most part, there are probably only a few such locations in any given urban setting. Either you take it or leave it right? And at age 85 with failing health, who is going to leave?

I’ve moved my 82 year old mom so many times now (and she’s pared down her belongings) that I wouldn’t have an issue moving her if where she is isn’t a good fit. I just moved her in May and I’m on the fence as to whether where I moved her to is the place for her. I know it hasn’t been long so I’m going to give it a bit longer but if I need to I’ll move her somewhere else. Where she is isn’t horrible but I’m the PP who was commenting on a proactive staff to check in with the tenants to to see if they have any needs.

[Anonymous]

A place like this would be ideal. But I don't think the United States would ever prioritize this kind of approach to long-term care.

https://www.nytimes.com/2023/07/03/realestate/dementia-villages-senior-living.html

[Anonymous]

dog friendly
In my parents AS a couple residents had small dogs. They didn't leave their rooms except briefly in the hall.

[Anonymous]

My parent's CCRC had a medical clinic on site. It was such a godsend. There were a few specialists I still need to take them to, but 80% could be taken care of onsite

This is a feature where the details are real important. The level of care they can provide, onsite. PP, would they handle lab test? Would they take samples and send out for lab tests?

I am so tired of getting literature from retirement communities that don't address care details, just pictures of elders eating in the restaurant.

[Anonymous]

Also on care provide, see if there are physicians who come out on a regular basis to serve patients there as it would reduce the number of times you need to cart a parent out. Or in your thinking as you age contact places to see who are the doctors or physician groups who provide such services and perhaps sign up with them ahead of time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

My parent's CCRC had a medical clinic on site. It was such a godsend. There were a few specialists I still need to take them to, but 80% could be taken care of onsite

This is a feature where the details are real important. The level of care they can provide, onsite. PP, would they handle lab test? Would they take samples and send out for lab tests?

I am so tired of getting literature from retirement communities that don't address care details, just pictures of elders eating in the restaurant.

The clinic had General Practitioners on-site during normal business hours. Plus specialists that came through on a regular schedule like cardiologist, dentist, podiatrist, etc. And most importantly, had a mental health nurse practitioner on-site. And they would take blood for lab work to send out.
When my mom needed to have an X-ray, there is a mobile service that comes directly to their apartment.

[Anonymous]

pp, do you mind sharing the name? It might help someone, as a way to begin a search. Even if not in the DMV