Workplace dynamic with women

[Anonymous]

Is this situation unusual?

I work closely with a few women who share a lot with me (I am a middle aged married man). I know about things like:
* GYN topics (yeast infections, heavy flow, D&C procedures, painful endometrial biopsies, suspect mammo results)
* all sorts of topics about their spouses (gripes, their issues, etc),
* difficult issues in their pasts (abuse, divorces)

I listen and empathize as best as I can. It doesn't bother me. But this is a new experience for me. Is this unusual? Or is it just new for me?

[Anonymous]

This happens to my husband a lot. Perhaps not the Gynecology topics but everything else seems to be on the table.

[Anonymous]

I once read that friendship is geography. Meaning that you become best friends with the person you sit next to in class. By that rule, if the people you work closely with are all women those are going to be your friends, or at least close acquaintances, and you are probably going to hear a bit about yeast infections, etc. That would horrify my DH, lol. But if he were working with just women, he'd get used to it.

[Anonymous]

My closest friends at work are married men, both gay and straight, anywhere in age from 29 to like 59. I would never give details of "lady issues" both because that's not appropriate at work and because nobody wants such graphic detail unless they're your doctor (or a rando who clicked on a link in a message board).

If you want this to stop, have less time to listen and be a little less empathetic.

[Anonymous]

This is inappropriate. Distance yourself if you can’t set boundaries.

[Anonymous]

It's not appropriate at work, but not too unusual because some people have no one else to talk to.

[Anonymous]

File a report with HR. If a man was talking about his vasectomy and "morning wood" in front of female colleagues, he'd get fired. Women should be held to the same standard.

[Anonymous]

I'm a woman and I think it's weird. It sounds like they had a dynamic where they shared this stuff with each other before you got there, and they've continued it since you arrived without wondering if you are okay with it.

They sound really self-involved and kind of oblivious. I would feel overwhelmed if someone at work shared all that stuff with me because a lot of it is kind of heavy. I mean, if I knew someone for years and we had a progressively closer friendship and built up to it, I wouldn't find it overwhelming. But if I worked with someone for a few months and then they were telling me all about their divorce and their endometriosis, I'd be like "whoa, this is too much." But then what do you say? At this point they'll probably be offended if you say anything, plus now they've shared a bunch and if you try to roll it back they might feel exposed for having giving you so much info already.

[Anonymous]

Are you married to a guy? If so, that’s why they feel safe telling you this stuff

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not appropriate at work, but not too unusual because some people have no one else to talk to.

I’m a woman and this is no excuse. You can keep your graphic descriptions of your medical issues/procedures to yourself. Your coworkers aren’t your therapists.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you married to a guy? If so, that’s why they feel safe telling you this stuff

No. I'm straight, married to a woman, and have two children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:File a report with HR. If a man was talking about his vasectomy and "morning wood" in front of female colleagues, he'd get fired. Women should be held to the same standard.

I don't want to go that far. It's real life and people have all sorts of issues. I like working with them.

I just didn't know if this was common. My current work environment is dominated by women and it's quite a change from my early career.

Thanks, everyone, for the feedback.

[Anonymous]

Do you speak up and let them know these subjects are not appropriate?

[Anonymous]

I work with a lot of women, and a lot of this stuff comes up. I feel like relationship stuff comes up pretty equally with men and women.

The heavy flow stuff is weird, but I don’t think that a suspect mammo result is a weird thin to talk about. It’s got to be on that person’s mind. I’m not sure why you grouped these things together.

[Anonymous]

The gyno stuff is weird. I don’t even discuss that with most female friends and relatives, never a man.

Relationship stuff though yes, men share a lot about that at work too.