Rising 9th grader, going in to high school

[Anonymous]

Any advice from those who have kids in higher grades? I feel like SAT prep and other college prep work shouldn't be a big concern till at least 10th grade. But what should a new 9th grader kid/boy do, prepare, or try to do in 9th? I have a son going into a school where he will not know a lot of people. I suggested he join a couple clubs but hard to make him do stuff at 14. Any positive suggestions?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any advice from those who have kids in higher grades? I feel like SAT prep and other college prep work shouldn't be a big concern till at least 10th grade. But what should a new 9th grader kid/boy do, prepare, or try to do in 9th? I have a son going into a school where he will not know a lot of people. I suggested he join a couple clubs but hard to make him do stuff at 14. Any positive suggestions?

THIS. 100x.

Our child became pretty isolated during middle school, COVID shut-down not helping matters. Going into high school, we insisted they participate in a school-based extracurricular. They didn't choose one; so we chose one and made them do it. It was a fall activity; so it lasted through the first quarter. We told them they had to give it one season. After that, they never had to do it again, but would need to choose something else.

They did choose another activity for spring on their own; but returned to the "parent-forced" activity by their own choice in the fall and kept with it. It made all the difference. Now, we didn't choose something we knew they would hate in some effort to force them to choose something on their own. And they didn't go willingly at first. But they stuck it through and got to know a bunch of other classmates and made friends.

Don't let resistance or tears or excuses like "it's hard enough to transition to high school academics and demands" or "I won't have time because I'm taking a rigorous courseload." Don't back off with the rationalization that they need to get used to high school first and you'll make them join something in the spring.

A fall sport or marching band with practices or rehearsals before school starts is ideal because they meet people earlier and know more people on day one. But something that starts after the first day of school is fine. Just, the sooner, the better.

I know firsthand how hard it is to get unwilling kids to participate in clubs or activities. It took us a while; but we finally stuck to our guns and enforced it. If it's a club, you can agree to a minimum amount of time or a minimum # of meetings - BUT, if they want to drop after that, they need to pick something else. And then again, a minimum threshold to meet before they can drop it and pick something else. A team sport or band, they need to commit for the season because it's not fair to the other members to quit mid-season.

Other than, I suggest he take the highest level of classes appropriate for his interests, abilities, and time management/stress tolerance. I don't know what school he'll be at, but there's a chance he may not have any friends he already knows on the same lunch. Our school ran chess in the library during lunch and that was a good way for our kid to at least interact with some others instead of sitting and eating by themself. And it's a structured enough activity that shy kids aren't left to flounder on their own trying to figure out how to make conversation.

That's my two cents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any advice from those who have kids in higher grades? I feel like SAT prep and other college prep work shouldn't be a big concern till at least 10th grade. But what should a new 9th grader kid/boy do, prepare, or try to do in 9th? I have a son going into a school where he will not know a lot of people. I suggested he join a couple clubs but hard to make him do stuff at 14. Any positive suggestions?

THIS. 100x.

Our child became pretty isolated during middle school, COVID shut-down not helping matters. Going into high school, we insisted they participate in a school-based extracurricular. They didn't choose one; so we chose one and made them do it. It was a fall activity; so it lasted through the first quarter. We told them they had to give it one season. After that, they never had to do it again, but would need to choose something else.

They did choose another activity for spring on their own; but returned to the "parent-forced" activity by their own choice in the fall and kept with it. It made all the difference. Now, we didn't choose something we knew they would hate in some effort to force them to choose something on their own. And they didn't go willingly at first. But they stuck it through and got to know a bunch of other classmates and made friends.

Don't let resistance or tears or excuses like "it's hard enough to transition to high school academics and demands" or "I won't have time because I'm taking a rigorous courseload." Don't back off with the rationalization that they need to get used to high school first and you'll make them join something in the spring.

A fall sport or marching band with practices or rehearsals before school starts is ideal because they meet people earlier and know more people on day one. But something that starts after the first day of school is fine. Just, the sooner, the better.

I know firsthand how hard it is to get unwilling kids to participate in clubs or activities. It took us a while; but we finally stuck to our guns and enforced it. If it's a club, you can agree to a minimum amount of time or a minimum # of meetings - BUT, if they want to drop after that, they need to pick something else. And then again, a minimum threshold to meet before they can drop it and pick something else. A team sport or band, they need to commit for the season because it's not fair to the other members to quit mid-season.

Other than, I suggest he take the highest level of classes appropriate for his interests, abilities, and time management/stress tolerance. I don't know what school he'll be at, but there's a chance he may not have any friends he already knows on the same lunch. Our school ran chess in the library during lunch and that was a good way for our kid to at least interact with some others instead of sitting and eating by themself. And it's a structured enough activity that shy kids aren't left to flounder on their own trying to figure out how to make conversation.

That's my two cents.

Thanks so much! I'm hoping he will find something that interests him as school starts soon!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any advice from those who have kids in higher grades? I feel like SAT prep and other college prep work shouldn't be a big concern till at least 10th grade. But what should a new 9th grader kid/boy do, prepare, or try to do in 9th? I have a son going into a school where he will not know a lot of people. I suggested he join a couple clubs but hard to make him do stuff at 14. Any positive suggestions?

THIS. 100x.

Our child became pretty isolated during middle school, COVID shut-down not helping matters. Going into high school, we insisted they participate in a school-based extracurricular. They didn't choose one; so we chose one and made them do it. It was a fall activity; so it lasted through the first quarter. We told them they had to give it one season. After that, they never had to do it again, but would need to choose something else.

They did choose another activity for spring on their own; but returned to the "parent-forced" activity by their own choice in the fall and kept with it. It made all the difference. Now, we didn't choose something we knew they would hate in some effort to force them to choose something on their own. And they didn't go willingly at first. But they stuck it through and got to know a bunch of other classmates and made friends.

Don't let resistance or tears or excuses like "it's hard enough to transition to high school academics and demands" or "I won't have time because I'm taking a rigorous courseload." Don't back off with the rationalization that they need to get used to high school first and you'll make them join something in the spring.

A fall sport or marching band with practices or rehearsals before school starts is ideal because they meet people earlier and know more people on day one. But something that starts after the first day of school is fine. Just, the sooner, the better.

I know firsthand how hard it is to get unwilling kids to participate in clubs or activities. It took us a while; but we finally stuck to our guns and enforced it. If it's a club, you can agree to a minimum amount of time or a minimum # of meetings - BUT, if they want to drop after that, they need to pick something else. And then again, a minimum threshold to meet before they can drop it and pick something else. A team sport or band, they need to commit for the season because it's not fair to the other members to quit mid-season.

Other than, I suggest he take the highest level of classes appropriate for his interests, abilities, and time management/stress tolerance. I don't know what school he'll be at, but there's a chance he may not have any friends he already knows on the same lunch. Our school ran chess in the library during lunch and that was a good way for our kid to at least interact with some others instead of sitting and eating by themself. And it's a structured enough activity that shy kids aren't left to flounder on their own trying to figure out how to make conversation.

That's my two cents.

+1
We insisted DS join one extracurricular activity. He could pick but had had to do one minimum. Then we strongly encouraged one that we thought would be a good fit. It turned out great actually. Some of his friends do it too, he met upperclassmen who were kind to him and helped him to feel included, and he was even given some nascent leadership opportunities near the end of the year. He really enjoyed it, built his self esteem, did him a world of good. But we really, really had to push him to do this. He would not have done it on his own.

So just chiming in to let you know that they sometimes need a hard nudge to get out there. Do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any advice from those who have kids in higher grades? I feel like SAT prep and other college prep work shouldn't be a big concern till at least 10th grade. But what should a new 9th grader kid/boy do, prepare, or try to do in 9th? I have a son going into a school where he will not know a lot of people. I suggested he join a couple clubs but hard to make him do stuff at 14. Any positive suggestions?

THIS. 100x.

Our child became pretty isolated during middle school, COVID shut-down not helping matters. Going into high school, we insisted they participate in a school-based extracurricular. They didn't choose one; so we chose one and made them do it. It was a fall activity; so it lasted through the first quarter. We told them they had to give it one season. After that, they never had to do it again, but would need to choose something else.

They did choose another activity for spring on their own; but returned to the "parent-forced" activity by their own choice in the fall and kept with it. It made all the difference. Now, we didn't choose something we knew they would hate in some effort to force them to choose something on their own. And they didn't go willingly at first. But they stuck it through and got to know a bunch of other classmates and made friends.

Don't let resistance or tears or excuses like "it's hard enough to transition to high school academics and demands" or "I won't have time because I'm taking a rigorous courseload." Don't back off with the rationalization that they need to get used to high school first and you'll make them join something in the spring.

A fall sport or marching band with practices or rehearsals before school starts is ideal because they meet people earlier and know more people on day one. But something that starts after the first day of school is fine. Just, the sooner, the better.

I know firsthand how hard it is to get unwilling kids to participate in clubs or activities. It took us a while; but we finally stuck to our guns and enforced it. If it's a club, you can agree to a minimum amount of time or a minimum # of meetings - BUT, if they want to drop after that, they need to pick something else. And then again, a minimum threshold to meet before they can drop it and pick something else. A team sport or band, they need to commit for the season because it's not fair to the other members to quit mid-season.

Other than, I suggest he take the highest level of classes appropriate for his interests, abilities, and time management/stress tolerance. I don't know what school he'll be at, but there's a chance he may not have any friends he already knows on the same lunch. Our school ran chess in the library during lunch and that was a good way for our kid to at least interact with some others instead of sitting and eating by themself. And it's a structured enough activity that shy kids aren't left to flounder on their own trying to figure out how to make conversation.

That's my two cents.

+1
We insisted DS join one extracurricular activity. He could pick but had had to do one minimum. Then we strongly encouraged one that we thought would be a good fit. It turned out great actually. Some of his friends do it too, he met upperclassmen who were kind to him and helped him to feel included, and he was even given some nascent leadership opportunities near the end of the year. He really enjoyed it, built his self esteem, did him a world of good. But we really, really had to push him to do this. He would not have done it on his own.

So just chiming in to let you know that they sometimes need a hard nudge to get out there. Do that.

I appreciate that! After pandemic he seems to avoid anything with actual competition which has been a huge shift. I'm planning to be more persistent in encouraging participation.

[Anonymous]

He should try out NOW for a Fall Sport. Likely happens early August. March into the Activities Office, if necessary, and find out when tryouts are for a variety of sports. Some may be no-cut. He needs a group. He'll needs a sense of belonging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He should try out NOW for a Fall Sport. Likely happens early August. March into the Activities Office, if necessary, and find out when tryouts are for a variety of sports. Some may be no-cut. He needs a group. He'll needs a sense of belonging.

Yup. Fall sports start this next week or the week after. OP if your kid has interest go to the school website TODAY and get the info.
Typically they need to have a post 5/1 physical on file to be cleared for tryouts.

We are a one sport per season family which keeps my rising 9th grader busy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He should try out NOW for a Fall Sport. Likely happens early August. March into the Activities Office, if necessary, and find out when tryouts are for a variety of sports. Some may be no-cut. He needs a group. He'll needs a sense of belonging.

Crew seems to be a popular and successful activity for a lot of newbies (at least at Wakefield; maybe the other schools' teams are still more competitive). It doesn't start before school; but you can establish a commitment from him now that he will try it. So many kids kept telling mine "you should do crew! you should do crew!" They are very much an enthusiastic, cooperative, and welcoming bunch!

Crew kids seem to be involved in a lot of other activities, too; so he's bound to encounter them one way or another - ha!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any advice from those who have kids in higher grades? I feel like SAT prep and other college prep work shouldn't be a big concern till at least 10th grade. But what should a new 9th grader kid/boy do, prepare, or try to do in 9th? I have a son going into a school where he will not know a lot of people. I suggested he join a couple clubs but hard to make him do stuff at 14. Any positive suggestions?

THIS. 100x.

Our child became pretty isolated during middle school, COVID shut-down not helping matters. Going into high school, we insisted they participate in a school-based extracurricular. They didn't choose one; so we chose one and made them do it. It was a fall activity; so it lasted through the first quarter. We told them they had to give it one season. After that, they never had to do it again, but would need to choose something else.

They did choose another activity for spring on their own; but returned to the "parent-forced" activity by their own choice in the fall and kept with it. It made all the difference. Now, we didn't choose something we knew they would hate in some effort to force them to choose something on their own. And they didn't go willingly at first. But they stuck it through and got to know a bunch of other classmates and made friends.

Don't let resistance or tears or excuses like "it's hard enough to transition to high school academics and demands" or "I won't have time because I'm taking a rigorous courseload." Don't back off with the rationalization that they need to get used to high school first and you'll make them join something in the spring.

A fall sport or marching band with practices or rehearsals before school starts is ideal because they meet people earlier and know more people on day one. But something that starts after the first day of school is fine. Just, the sooner, the better.

I know firsthand how hard it is to get unwilling kids to participate in clubs or activities. It took us a while; but we finally stuck to our guns and enforced it. If it's a club, you can agree to a minimum amount of time or a minimum # of meetings - BUT, if they want to drop after that, they need to pick something else. And then again, a minimum threshold to meet before they can drop it and pick something else. A team sport or band, they need to commit for the season because it's not fair to the other members to quit mid-season.

Other than, I suggest he take the highest level of classes appropriate for his interests, abilities, and time management/stress tolerance. I don't know what school he'll be at, but there's a chance he may not have any friends he already knows on the same lunch. Our school ran chess in the library during lunch and that was a good way for our kid to at least interact with some others instead of sitting and eating by themself. And it's a structured enough activity that shy kids aren't left to flounder on their own trying to figure out how to make conversation.

That's my two cents.

Thanks so much! I'm hoping he will find something that interests him as school starts soon!

I hope so, too. But don't wait for school to start or for him to "find" something. Look at the school's website and see what activities are possibly offered and make him pick 2 or 3 to try. Oftentimes clubs don't get going until after school begins; so he'll then need to contact the teacher in charge of the activity to confirm if the club is running and when it starts, etc.

I'm assuming he's not in band; otherwise he'll already have marching band he can join and begin over the summer with band camp?

[Anonymous]

Great advice about joining clubs, activities, sports etc. In terms of academics, DO NOT get behind in math. Get extra help as soon as your student is stumped. Talk to the teacher - they can steer you to students that do tutoring on the side.

[Anonymous]

OP here and appreciate all the ideas. Unfortunately the sports offered at our local high school starting Fall is only cross country (he hates running) and football (which he doesn't play). So we will likely have to wait till the winter season sports. Will need to get him to try out 2-3 clubs first and see how those go.

[Anonymous]

It doesn’t have to be sports. Any club or activity that helps him be involved in the school in some way and be with a core group of kids. Can be yearbook, newspaper, theatre tech crew, SCA, etc. But as a high school teacher, the kids I see who are the most integrated in their school and have relationships with peers fare the best. It’s so sad when you realize how many kids can come to school each day and literally never speak to another classmate or hear their own name uttered.

Additionally, as much as you can, reinforce to him his phone needs to be AWAY. Not only does this mess up his academics but it takes away from the peer bonding he could otherwise be doing. Again, the kids doing overall worst in school are the ones who don’t have any connections in the building and are on their phones all day. I call them blob kids. There’s no thoughts, no engagement in their world or other people, no participation. Just phone. It’s sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any advice from those who have kids in higher grades? I feel like SAT prep and other college prep work shouldn't be a big concern till at least 10th grade. But what should a new 9th grader kid/boy do, prepare, or try to do in 9th? I have a son going into a school where he will not know a lot of people. I suggested he join a couple clubs but hard to make him do stuff at 14. Any positive suggestions?

THIS. 100x.

Our child became pretty isolated during middle school, COVID shut-down not helping matters. Going into high school, we insisted they participate in a school-based extracurricular. They didn't choose one; so we chose one and made them do it. It was a fall activity; so it lasted through the first quarter. We told them they had to give it one season. After that, they never had to do it again, but would need to choose something else.

They did choose another activity for spring on their own; but returned to the "parent-forced" activity by their own choice in the fall and kept with it. It made all the difference. Now, we didn't choose something we knew they would hate in some effort to force them to choose something on their own. And they didn't go willingly at first. But they stuck it through and got to know a bunch of other classmates and made friends.

Don't let resistance or tears or excuses like "it's hard enough to transition to high school academics and demands" or "I won't have time because I'm taking a rigorous courseload." Don't back off with the rationalization that they need to get used to high school first and you'll make them join something in the spring.

A fall sport or marching band with practices or rehearsals before school starts is ideal because they meet people earlier and know more people on day one. But something that starts after the first day of school is fine. Just, the sooner, the better.

I know firsthand how hard it is to get unwilling kids to participate in clubs or activities. It took us a while; but we finally stuck to our guns and enforced it. If it's a club, you can agree to a minimum amount of time or a minimum # of meetings - BUT, if they want to drop after that, they need to pick something else. And then again, a minimum threshold to meet before they can drop it and pick something else. A team sport or band, they need to commit for the season because it's not fair to the other members to quit mid-season.

Other than, I suggest he take the highest level of classes appropriate for his interests, abilities, and time management/stress tolerance. I don't know what school he'll be at, but there's a chance he may not have any friends he already knows on the same lunch. Our school ran chess in the library during lunch and that was a good way for our kid to at least interact with some others instead of sitting and eating by themself. And it's a structured enough activity that shy kids aren't left to flounder on their own trying to figure out how to make conversation.

That's my two cents.

+1
We insisted DS join one extracurricular activity. He could pick but had had to do one minimum. Then we strongly encouraged one that we thought would be a good fit. It turned out great actually. Some of his friends do it too, he met upperclassmen who were kind to him and helped him to feel included, and he was even given some nascent leadership opportunities near the end of the year. He really enjoyed it, built his self esteem, did him a world of good. But we really, really had to push him to do this. He would not have done it on his own.

So just chiming in to let you know that they sometimes need a hard nudge to get out there. Do that.

I appreciate that! After pandemic he seems to avoid anything with actual competition which has been a huge shift. I'm planning to be more persistent in encouraging participation.

PP here. I hear you. DS used to be super involved in a competitive activity that he was really good at. Then in late middle school he refused to keep going with it. It was hard to watch him give up something he seemed to love and was really good at. Not sure if it was the pandemic or other factors too. But he made it pretty clear he was done so we had to go in a different direction. The new activity is in a totally different lane. No competition at all and more social.

Goal for this year is to try to get him to do one additional thing.

[Anonymous]

Read (and have him read) How to be a High School Superstar by Cal Newport. Also make sure you understand the course catalogue and any prereqyisites within so you don't get blindsided later on. Consider attempting to plan a 4 year course patheway as an exercise. ("Plans are nothing; planning is everything." -Eisenhower)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Read (and have him read) How to be a High School Superstar by Cal Newport. Also make sure you understand the course catalogue and any prereqyisites within so you don't get blindsided later on. Consider attempting to plan a 4 year course patheway as an exercise. ("Plans are nothing; planning is everything." -Eisenhower)

The guidance counselors are pretty good about scheduling out students' yearly courseloads. He'll have encouragement and help on that front.
I would also recommend the book "Where you go is not Who You'll Be" by Bruni. Helps put the push for getting into only the "best" colleges in perspective. One of the 12th grade English teachers used to have their students read it and write about their attitudes about college before and after having read it. But it's more helpful earlier on. Actually, it's probably better for the parents to read it.