Should 17dd help grandmother with shower?

[Anonymous]

Do you think this is a reasonable request? I offered to help my mom shower this evening, ,but she insists my daughter help her. My mom just an arrived few days ago for a visit. She is 82.

[Anonymous]

If DD is comfortable with it, sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If DD is comfortable with it, sure.

Thanks

[Anonymous]

I don’t think this is a reasonable request. Why is your mother not okay with your help? While your daughter should pull her weight and be a help and comfort, this feels like too much elder care for a teen.

[Anonymous]

No, child helps, not grandchild.

[Anonymous]

Why does your mom your child to help instead of you?

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't ask your daughter to except if she offers.

[Anonymous]

I helped my grandma (dad's mom) when I was about that age while she was recovering from a fall. I offered because I thought she'd be more comfortable getting help from me as opposed to my mom (her DIL). I don't think I would have thought it a weird request if either of my grandmas asked for my help, but I was close to both of them.

[Anonymous]

She doesn’t want me doing it bc she says I see it as a chore.
Well, yes, but when she fell and broke her shoulder, I helped her with her showers for over two months.

[Anonymous]

It’s weird that she is insisting a teenager should be the one to help her with a shower. Why the insistence on her grandkid helping her? Honestly, that’s odd.
I’d only ask my kid if I needed her help in a pinch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She doesn’t want me doing it bc she says I see it as a chore.
Well, yes, but when she fell and broke her shoulder, I helped her with her showers for over two months.

Well, it is a chore. Nobody actually enjoys helping adults bathe, but is of often a necessary part of elder care. Does she want you to show enjoyment?

[Anonymous]

I mean of course it’s a chore but I suspect she means you were irritable or something (which I’m not criticizing you for!) I would try to put in a cheerful face snd say you won’t be grouchy but grandkid has her own stuff to do. And tried to hide any exasperation during shower.

[Anonymous]

For a typical wimpy American teenager yes it’s too much.
For a less sheltered teen from a less developed culture it’s not too much.
That said I am not American but it would have been difficult for me at 17.

[Anonymous]

I would have qualms about showering someone myself, especially if they were severely disabled.

Aides are trained in how to handle wet, slippery humans in the hard surface environments that usually make up our bathrooms. Knowing how to leverage the body weight to move them.

This is something I would have qualms about. Kids don't always understand how fragile the elderly are.

[Anonymous]

This happened to me when I was a teen, a great aunt insisted I help her with this. My mother didn't make me do it and did it herself.
I was grateful because I really didn't want to. I was extremely embarrassed about my own body at that age, I would have been mortified to wash someone else's naked body.

Just because grandma is insisting doesn't mean she gets what she wants. I'm all about making kids and teens push past their comfort zone, but this isn't an area we need to push. In my 40s now I'm more comfortable with my own body and other peoples bodies after giving birth and just not caring as much, but it's a lot to ask a 17 year old. I would put your foot down.