Success in treating addiction in older people

[Anonymous]

Does anyone have success in getting treatment for alcoholism in older people? My 75 year old dad has been a functioning alcoholic for years (though I only recently learned of it - if he was abusing alcohol when we were kids we didn’t know it). He now has several complicated medical issues all of which seem like they could be caused by the alcoholism (or certainly are made worse). He’s seeing specialist after specialist but he and my stepmom are not being honest with the doctors about the fact that he’s drinking 1.5-2 liters of wine most days. At least he’s not driving. My stepmom is 100% enabling this and buying the wine (“if I don’t buy it, he’ll drive and get it” or says he’s even more withdrawn and depressed if he’s not drinking.) He is absolutely unwilling to address the drinking or depression. I guess we just sit by and watch him drink himself to death? Any success stories out there of older people who have turned it around?

[Anonymous]

I am in my 60s and stopped drinking after starting Wagovy. It has been a miracle for me and for many others. I could easily drink an entire bottle of wine and now I have no desire and it tastes like acid.

Best of luck.

[Anonymous]

The OP could have described my Mom’s health situation exactly. Wish I had advice to give. She doesn’t think she has a problem and is incapable of understanding that the drinking is making all of her health conditions worse. I feel guilty that I’m not doing anything to help her but I know there is nothing I can do or say that will get her to change. It is a complicated mix of her generation’s attitudes about medicine, her class values, and her emotional immaturity. It sucks to watch someone destroy their life and feel sorry for themselves but have no willingness to try to change or improve their situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone have success in getting treatment for alcoholism in older people? My 75 year old dad has been a functioning alcoholic for years (though I only recently learned of it - if he was abusing alcohol when we were kids we didn’t know it). He now has several complicated medical issues all of which seem like they could be caused by the alcoholism (or certainly are made worse). He’s seeing specialist after specialist but he and my stepmom are not being honest with the doctors about the fact that he’s drinking 1.5-2 liters of wine most days. At least he’s not driving. My stepmom is 100% enabling this and buying the wine (“if I don’t buy it, he’ll drive and get it” or says he’s even more withdrawn and depressed if he’s not drinking.) He is absolutely unwilling to address the drinking or depression. I guess we just sit by and watch him drink himself to death? Any success stories out there of older people who have turned it around?

100% yes, you do.

Bless your heart if you think you’re going to get him to stop.

You will lose your own health trying to “save” him, and then it won’t even work.

BTDT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone have success in getting treatment for alcoholism in older people? My 75 year old dad has been a functioning alcoholic for years (though I only recently learned of it - if he was abusing alcohol when we were kids we didn’t know it). He now has several complicated medical issues all of which seem like they could be caused by the alcoholism (or certainly are made worse). He’s seeing specialist after specialist but he and my stepmom are not being honest with the doctors about the fact that he’s drinking 1.5-2 liters of wine most days. At least he’s not driving. My stepmom is 100% enabling this and buying the wine (“if I don’t buy it, he’ll drive and get it” or says he’s even more withdrawn and depressed if he’s not drinking.) He is absolutely unwilling to address the drinking or depression. I guess we just sit by and watch him drink himself to death? Any success stories out there of older people who have turned it around?

Well, she's not wrong. What she's describing is symptoms of alcohol withdrawal. And she probably doesn't feel capable of managing his withdrawal on her own. You need pro help for this kind of thing.

You can call his doctor and tell the truth. The doctors aren't allowed to say anything to you about a patient, but you are allowed to talk to them.

[Anonymous]

See if you can get a doctor to prescribe him Wellbutrin or another mild anti anxiety med. the drinking is likely self medication.

[Anonymous]

I don’t know, but if I have the misfortune to become very old, I will certainly begin drinking and drugging if I feel like it. I watched four great grandparents die in their 90s and the final years were hellish. These were healthy people who made all the right choices, but all lost dignity and health in their last years. Horrible, just horrible. I would rather die if recreational drug or alcohol use much sooner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone have success in getting treatment for alcoholism in older people? My 75 year old dad has been a functioning alcoholic for years (though I only recently learned of it - if he was abusing alcohol when we were kids we didn’t know it). He now has several complicated medical issues all of which seem like they could be caused by the alcoholism (or certainly are made worse). He’s seeing specialist after specialist but he and my stepmom are not being honest with the doctors about the fact that he’s drinking 1.5-2 liters of wine most days. At least he’s not driving. My stepmom is 100% enabling this and buying the wine (“if I don’t buy it, he’ll drive and get it” or says he’s even more withdrawn and depressed if he’s not drinking.) He is absolutely unwilling to address the drinking or depression. I guess we just sit by and watch him drink himself to death? Any success stories out there of older people who have turned it around?

100% yes, you do.

Bless your heart if you think you’re going to get him to stop.

You will lose your own health trying to “save” him, and then it won’t even work.

BTDT.

Sorry to be Debbie Downer but this was my experience with a parent as well.

IF he WANTS to fix this he needs intense treatment and meds which are $$. But he has to really want it at this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know, but if I have the misfortune to become very old, I will certainly begin drinking and drugging if I feel like it. I watched four great grandparents die in their 90s and the final years were hellish. These were healthy people who made all the right choices, but all lost dignity and health in their last years. Horrible, just horrible. I would rather die if recreational drug or alcohol use much sooner.

You obviously haven't had a family member with an addiction. This is not enjoy a few glasses of wine or eating gummies. This is drinking a dangerous amount that puts you at risk of falls, seizures and god forbid getting behind the wheel and killing someone. The family is in constant worry.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP. My grandparents became alcoholics in their 50s and 60s, both of them together. Functional for awhile, then escalated when I was maybe late elementary school/early middle school and they were probably about your Dad's age. Family had an "intervention" (I wasn't present for this, but accidentally found the letters my parents had written to them one time - this was the approach of that time period, not sure if it still is!) if you will, and asked them to go to rehab - they both went, to separate places. I can't remember. They were both sober until the day they died after that. It still truly astounds us and amazes us. Grandfather lived until probably 80 or so, grandmother lived into late 80s.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, I meant to say I can't remember how long they were there for. I realize my story is not super common, but you asked for success stories! And it really was one. I was able to build a healthy, nice relationship with them in my teen and early adult years while they were sober. I am incredibly grateful for that.

[Anonymous]

A success story can happen at any age, but the problem you have here is not age (other than the physical/medical issues) it's that neither of your parents are willing to acknowledge there's a problem.

I don't have any personal experience with Al Anon, but that might be a place to start.

[Anonymous]

I am in the discovery phase of applying for plenary guardianship of a close relative in Florida. Florida Statutes 744. I am 75; he is 71. The goal is not to micromanage his life. The goal is tp prevent addiction from killing him.

The Marchman Act allows family members to put court authority behind a relative being involuntarily assessed for five days. The Baker Act does the same for mental health issues.

My lawyer in Florida recently retained a boarded psychiatrist with an addiction sub-specialty to advise us on the medical issues, which are substantial across a decade. We have applied per HIPAA mandatory disclosure provisions for his 911, alcohol recovery, and ER records. The American Board of Psychiatry and Neurology has a directory.

The University of Florida Health Florida Recovery Center is among the finest in the nation. If I prevail I hope to have close relative detoxed and do recovery there.

Take heart; look for the one more thing you can do to prevail and do it to the best of your ability.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:See if you can get a doctor to prescribe him Wellbutrin or another mild anti anxiety med. the drinking is likely self medication.

Drinking on Wellbutrin can cause life-threatening seizures.

[Anonymous]

If your father is having noticeable withdrawal symptoms he should not stop drinking without medical supervision. He may need to be hospitalized. Once he is detoxified, he might benefit from a rehabilitation facility. Even if he resists at first, the combination of being in intoxicated, along with a month or so of information and experience in a recovery group could provide the impetus for a new way of life. If he refuses to go to rehab he can still recover. Alcoholics Anonymous is free, readily available in person or online, and will open the door to a set of principles that can change things, along with a bunch of incredible (and fun) people who are living happily without alcohol. Ignore the inevitable naysayers and the people who will say he should stay isolated st home and read books and watch videos. He is long past half measures.

As others have observed, escaping alcohol requires that he have a desire to stop drinking. He doesn’t need it going in the door, however; it is enough that he be willing to listen and be honest with himself. Finding the necessary willingness is one of the things some people gain in a rehab facility.

Your Stepmother’s denial is an issue for both her and your father. One question to ask is how him stopping drinking might make her feel threatened, in terms of control, her own drinking, or something else. She may need help as well, from professionals or perhaps Al-Anon. (For the latter, she may need to shop around, as meetings vary.). She may have more power in the situation than she thinks, particularly in terms of making it more difficult for him to drive to the liquor store.

Ultimately, though, your father’s drinking is his problem. “You didn’t cause it, you can’t control it, and you can’t cure it.” You can try to intervene and put the means of recovery in reach, but you cannot compel him to pursue it. You might be able to help slow his medical decline by just getting him dried out/detoxified, but unless you and Stepmother want to become jail warders not much is likely to change.

This is very difficult. Watching people you love drink themselves to death is painful, sad and resentment-inducing. You might benefit from professional help and/or Al-Anon or something similar as well. Don’t give up hope, but don’t blame yourself. And don’t hate your father. At this point, drinking is not a choice.

Good luck to you and your family.