MIL spoiling teen—wwyd?

[Anonymous]

My MIL took my son shopping to buy him a birthday gift. He is turning 14. She bought him a designer jacket that cost $800 (on sale).
I saw the present once she had dropped him off. Now, my MIL can afford spending this type of money and enjoys it, and my son is unfortunately in a phase where he is being influenced by brand names and wants to look cool (this may partly be because my husband has expensive taste in clothing as well, but he works very hard to afford his lifestyle). I feel this is too much to spend on a bday present, and I do not want MIL setting this precedent. And I am mortified that my son asked her to get him such an expensive item and then accepted it. My initial reaction was “no, we are returning it.” What would you all do?
What makes this extra annoying is that my MIL was just complaining to me that she thinks my older daughter (17) is spoiled and does not appreciate the value of money 🤦‍♀️

[Anonymous]

Let him keep it. It will take a lot of pressure off of you to buy expensive items. He can now “ask Gramma” for stuff and you can save your money.

[Anonymous]

Grandparents are gonna grandparent. I wouldn't return the gift. Just make sure you are communicating and imparting your values to your son. A discussion about the jacket and why you don't like the situation seems appropriate. He's 14, so he won't agree or even "get it." But it lays the foundation for more conversations about how you feel and think about money and spending and luxury brands and the desire to keep up with the Joneses -- conversations that will eventually help him get through life (well, hopefully).

[Anonymous]

I would let her do it.

[Anonymous]

Let him have it but talk to your mil and tell her you greatly appreciate it but it's way too much for a young teen who's still growing and talk to your son. He can wear it at home but not at school.

[Anonymous]

I would return it. I would not let my teen have an $800 jacket.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let him have it but talk to your mil and tell her you greatly appreciate it but it's way too much for a young teen who's still growing and talk to your son. He can wear it at home but not at school.

The whole point is for him to show it off at school. You’d ruin the whole thing to not allow it at school. You really think he wouldn’t sneak it out to school anyway?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let him have it but talk to your mil and tell her you greatly appreciate it but it's way too much for a young teen who's still growing and talk to your son. He can wear it at home but not at school.

Yes. This is the right answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let him have it but talk to your mil and tell her you greatly appreciate it but it's way too much for a young teen who's still growing and talk to your son. He can wear it at home but not at school.

The whole point is for him to show it off at school. You’d ruin the whole thing to not allow it at school. You really think he wouldn’t sneak it out to school anyway?

If he sneaks it out of the house, you take it away and have consequences. It's called parenting. I buy more expensive things on clearance for my son so it looks better than it is. We aren't at a very mixed school and they know they have two of what ever and wear the cheaper one to school and more expensive at home. No big deal. You need to teach this to your kids and let him know if he goes against you there are consequences and follow through or if it gets damaged or stollen you are not replacing it nor is MIL.

[Anonymous]

Only an issue if she's not treating her granddaughter equally.

[Anonymous]

It's a birthday gift from Grandma. Get over yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let him keep it. It will take a lot of pressure off of you to buy expensive items. He can now “ask Gramma” for stuff and you can save your money.

I would never advise my children to ask grandma for “stuff”. My sister-in-law has kids like that, grubby little sh@ts.

But this is a present so it’s fine. I love fashion and I always get clothes if I see something that would look good on a family member. If she loves it as much as me, it gives her happiness. Let her do it but talk to your son about not being greedy, not picking the most expensive thing in the store.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would return it. I would not let my teen have an $800 jacket.

You do know that there is a risk of him being targeted and robbed of said jacket correct?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let him have it but talk to your mil and tell her you greatly appreciate it but it's way too much for a young teen who's still growing and talk to your son. He can wear it at home but not at school.

I agree with everything except not letting him wear it at school. Let the kid wear the jacket. There are others walking around with expensive things too.

My initial reaction was to return it and then I realized my daughter has at least $800 worth of Lululemon that she wears constantly and loves. Most were gifts from grandma.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL took my son shopping to buy him a birthday gift. He is turning 14. She bought him a designer jacket that cost $800 (on sale).
I saw the present once she had dropped him off. Now, my MIL can afford spending this type of money and enjoys it, and my son is unfortunately in a phase where he is being influenced by brand names and wants to look cool (this may partly be because my husband has expensive taste in clothing as well, but he works very hard to afford his lifestyle). I feel this is too much to spend on a bday present, and I do not want MIL setting this precedent. And I am mortified that my son asked her to get him such an expensive item and then accepted it. My initial reaction was “no, we are returning it.” What would you all do?
What makes this extra annoying is that my MIL was just complaining to me that she thinks my older daughter (17) is spoiled and does not appreciate the value of money 🤦‍♀️

Ugh I would hate this too. But I think you have to let this happen. It’s too interfering otherwise.