Going from mom+nanny to PK3 - thoughts?

[Anonymous]

Hello! I am home with my 3 yr old in the mornings (my office is west coast), before nanny takes over at noon. I have been loving mornings with my last baby, we have so much fun going to all the museums and the zoo. He was waitlisted at Stevens ELC, and today we were shocked to find out he got in.

I realize we won the lottery here.

But I am also so grateful for the mornings with him that I am hesitant to change our routine. Plus he just seems so little to be spending a full day in "school".

Would love some perspective here. Has anyone gotten a spot at an amazing PK3 and turned it down? If so I would love to hear from you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hello! I am home with my 3 yr old in the mornings (my office is west coast), before nanny takes over at noon. I have been loving mornings with my last baby, we have so much fun going to all the museums and the zoo. He was waitlisted at Stevens ELC, and today we were shocked to find out he got in.

I realize we won the lottery here.

But I am also so grateful for the mornings with him that I am hesitant to change our routine. Plus he just seems so little to be spending a full day in "school".

Would love some perspective here. Has anyone gotten a spot at an amazing PK3 and turned it down? If so I would love to hear from you.

You say this is your "last baby" which implies you have older children. What did you do with them for PK? Where are they in school now?

[Anonymous]

Biggest kid is at Francis Stevens. For PK3 he was home with us (pandemic, I was glad to have him home and thought he was not ready for PK3) and for PK4 he was very happy at Francis Stevens.

[Anonymous]

I mean honestly that does seem like a really nice set up and three is pretty young to be in school all day. (When is his birthday). If you can afford the nanny and arent worried about getting in somewhere for Prek, then take one more year with your three year old. Won't miss out on anything academically and I assume nanny and you take him to park etc.

With my 2nd, we had to leave in the middle of Prek 3 year and I ended up staying home with my daughter the rest of the year and it was really nice. Main problem was it was hard to find other kids for her to play with.

[Anonymous]

It's not like Stevens will get you into a feeder pattern, and if you don't get into SWW @FS for PK4 with a sibling, your odds are good you'll get into Stevens then. So I don't think you need to send him if you don't want to. It would save a lot of money if you aren't keeping the nanny though.

[Anonymous]

I don't think you'll regret keeping him home for another year.

(For my own kids -- my oldest went after being home and while he learned and enjoyed the kids, he always complained that the days were too long. My youngest was home for PK3 during the pandemic, but ended up getting an in person spot at around the time he turned 4 and really really loved it.)

[Anonymous]

Our kid matured a lot in PK3. Kid’s excellent teacher also flagged some developmental issues and established individualized therapies to work on the issues.

DC PK3 is very good. Way better than the top-tier private school-feeder daycare our kid previously attended.

[Anonymous]

Thank you all so much for the supportive replies. It's nice to know I am not alone or crazy for wanting to keep my kid home another year. I am considering sending my son to Stevens now because I might be able to adjust my work hours such that I can be an "after school mom". Still torn though. My lingering concerns:

1 - We've also worked VERY hard to get him off a nap schedule (so he goes to bed at 7:30 with big brother) so I am worried about regressing back to a 9:30pm bedtime with a mandatory nap time there.

2 - Husband and I have never negotiated who takes the kids on their sick days or professional development days. How do people handle this? 4 hour/4 hour split? Lots of fighting? What if you have limited PTO? We have come to rely on having the littlest one's nanny step in for ALL of those days.

[Anonymous]

"My kid is not ready for PK3" is the hallmark thinking of every parent who wants to keep their kid home. It's cool if you want to keep the kid home with you. It's awesome that you have that option and I am sure you are a great mother. Not every parent wants their kid to stay home so it is clear you have bonded. That's all amazing. But be honest here; this isn't about your kid. This is about you wanting to keep the baby with you for another year (which, as I said, is great). If you keep the kid with you for another year you'll get another great year. If you send them to PK3 they will also be fine. There are no bad answers here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you all so much for the supportive replies. It's nice to know I am not alone or crazy for wanting to keep my kid home another year. I am considering sending my son to Stevens now because I might be able to adjust my work hours such that I can be an "after school mom". Still torn though. My lingering concerns:

1 - We've also worked VERY hard to get him off a nap schedule (so he goes to bed at 7:30 with big brother) so I am worried about regressing back to a 9:30pm bedtime with a mandatory nap time there.

2 - Husband and I have never negotiated who takes the kids on their sick days or professional development days. How do people handle this? 4 hour/4 hour split? Lots of fighting? What if you have limited PTO? We have come to rely on having the littlest one's nanny step in for ALL of those days.

You seem a thoughtful person and good communicator. I would be SHOCKED if you and your husband are at odds when your kid gets sick. The "what do we do about sick days" issue is not going to go away if you keep the kid home. The first year in school is a crash course in viruses and germs. There is no way around it. The sooner your kid develops immunities the better.

You may have to scramble and take more sick days. You may even have to find last minute babysitters. All of those options will be cheaper than keeping the nanny on payroll. If you invest that $20k in a 529 (probably more, but being conservative) you'll have @$60k for college. Obviously this isn't a purely financial decision, but it has to at least be a consideration I would assume.

[Anonymous]

Both of my kids started full-time Montessori school at age 3, and it was absolutely fine. I have no regrets. However, if I had your setup, I probably would have waited an extra year. Are there any cons to keeping him home another year?

[Anonymous]

Keep the kid at home and keep the nanny. Hopefully this happy set up will keep you engaged at work and you’ll be able to afford to keep the nanny on when your youngest has to eventually go to kindergarten. Nanny + school is perfect set up for full time working parents.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, OP, this sounds like a great set up. My oldest is going from full day daycare to public prek3 next year and I’m still anxious about how she’ll handle the bigger environment (daycare has ~20 kids 0-5 so it’s going to be a change). If you can keep affording the nanny, I would hold off on preK for another year. While prek3 has some things they learn, I’m primarily using it for the free childcare.

Also I’m with you on naps. I discourage my 3yo from napping most weekends because I so prefer the 7:30 bedtime.

[Anonymous]

If you’re able to spend time with your child and you are enjoying it, you should keep doing what you’re doing. I wish I had more time with my kiddo when he was little.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Keep the kid at home and keep the nanny. Hopefully this happy set up will keep you engaged at work and you’ll be able to afford to keep the nanny on when your youngest has to eventually go to kindergarten. Nanny + school is perfect set up for full time working parents.

Tell me you or your spouse work in biglaw without telling me. Never change DCUM, never change.