Being Called a Middle Name

[Anonymous]

Picked out names for baby’s first and middle names. One is a family name and one is the name we want to call baby, but they flow better using the family name first. For those of you with children (or yourselves) that go by a middle name, how do you like/dislike it? Is it aggravating not using your given name on official forms and documents?

[Anonymous]

Personally I really dislike this practice. I grew up in an area where it is common. Your child will be correcting teachers their entire childhood

[Anonymous]

We did exactly this. It’s really not a big deal and not “aggravating” at all. A lot of people go by middle names or nicknames with no problem.

[Anonymous]

As someone who goes by their middle name because I have an unpronounceable (by Americans) first name, it has been a huge pain in the ass my entire life. So much so that I dropped my first name when I got married and moved my middle name to my first name spot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We did exactly this. It’s really not a big deal and not “aggravating” at all. A lot of people go by middle names or nicknames with no problem.

I’m more interested in the kid’s POV on this. My parents gave me a variant spelling of a common name and from their perspective it has never caused even a moment’s hassle.

[Anonymous]

Two of our three children go by their middle names. We did it for the exact same reason - it just sounded better. I would say you should weigh how strongly you feel about the order of the names and if there isn't a big difference, I would not recommend going by a middle name. To this day, I really dislike the way the names sound in the reverse order, but avoiding that came at a price. You constantly have to clarify/correct and both kids were frequently called by their first names because any "official" document has their first name. That being said, they are young adults now and it really hasn't seemed to bother them that much. Many forms now include a "Goes by" line but if not and you are filling out something that is not a legal document, like an isolated online form or similar that doesn't require a full official name, I recommend listing the name they go by as their "first" name and leaving middle name blank.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We did exactly this. It’s really not a big deal and not “aggravating” at all. A lot of people go by middle names or nicknames with no problem.

I’m more interested in the kid’s POV on this. My parents gave me a variant spelling of a common name and from their perspective it has never caused even a moment’s hassle.

Well I also go by my middle name. Family reasons. And don’t know why people are saying this is an issue. Sure in school and in legal documents, my first name is there, but people who know me personally call my by my middle name. Who cares? They are both my names.

[Anonymous]

My thinking is: if you're only planning to call them one name at a time, the "it sounds better in this order" thing is NOWHERE NEAR as big a deal in real life as it is when you're doing name-picking exercises while pregnant. It will almost never be said, in either direction, so it doesn't really matter. Put the name you're going to use first and be done with it.

You might think Jennifer Lynn sounds better than Lynn Jennifer, but if you're going to call her Lynn either way it doesn't matter. In middle school she'll say "my middle name is Jennifer, after my grandma" and one of her friends will say "that was my grandma's name too!" and they'll move on. It won't be weird that her middle name doesn't "flow" because no one will say it.

[Anonymous]

If you never actually use the first name, why would it matter if it sounded better? No one ever hears it.

My DH and his brother are called by their middle names rather than their first names and really hate the hassle.

[Anonymous]

Not annoying at all, or at least can't imagine any more annoying than a Margaret that goes by Molly or Maggie or Edward that goes by Ed.

People will call you want you introduce yourself as, and nowadays a lot of school enrollment forms and the like have spots for "preferred name/nickname."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My thinking is: if you're only planning to call them one name at a time, the "it sounds better in this order" thing is NOWHERE NEAR as big a deal in real life as it is when you're doing name-picking exercises while pregnant. It will almost never be said, in either direction, so it doesn't really matter. Put the name you're going to use first and be done with it.

You might think Jennifer Lynn sounds better than Lynn Jennifer, but if you're going to call her Lynn either way it doesn't matter. In middle school she'll say "my middle name is Jennifer, after my grandma" and one of her friends will say "that was my grandma's name too!" and they'll move on. It won't be weird that her middle name doesn't "flow" because no one will say it.

Yeah I agree with this. It seems like a big deal now but mine are 10 and 12 and I had to stop and think about what my oldest's middle name even is the other day. And I can't tell you the last time I had to say or write my middle name.

[Anonymous]

I lived in the South for a long time and this is incredibly common.

I think it's a cute quirk, honestly. Even though I live back in my hometown of NYC now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you never actually use the first name, why would it matter if it sounded better? No one ever hears it.

My DH and his brother are called by their middle names rather than their first names and really hate the hassle.

Same with my DH. He HATES it. He talks about changing it legally so his middle name becomes first but hasn't gotten around to it. I anticipate at some point it being a hassle for me or other heirs when we need to deal with the estate where a lot of things are listed in middle name while other things are in full name.

You will never call the child by the full name. The only time it seems hugely important is the lead up to having the baby and maybe a month after that when you are sharing the name. Use the name you want first and the family name in the middle.

[Anonymous]

I would just name them what you intend to call them. When I was pregnant, I didn't really think DD's middle name flowed that well with her first and two things have happened since then (1) she became a person instead of a concept and it indeed fits her, because it's her name, (2) I realized I almost never use both together so it really doesn't matter that much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As someone who goes by their middle name because I have an unpronounceable (by Americans) first name, it has been a huge pain in the ass my entire life. So much so that I dropped my first name when I got married and moved my middle name to my first name spot.

or even easier, drop the first name down to an initial much earlier like F. Scott Fitzgerald. Don't even use the first name unless you have reason to really write out an initial. Same for Endeavour Morse. Just drop the first name out and/or use the initial only.