In fewer than 24 hours, my mother has…
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Anonymous
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-asked me and my kids to leave minutes after arriving
-called my husband funny-looking -called me weird -criticized me for not packing children’s Benadryl -denigrated my husband’s alma mater (a state school - though he makes a lot more than she ever did) -pushed my son (she would say she “nudged” him) -scolded the way my husband and I parent There are probably other examples but I’m too exhausted to recall. My family is on vacation with my mom and her husband - they’re renting a residence for us near their vacation home - but I am overwhelmed at this treatment. She’s pretty tiring generally but the dysfunction seems to be next level this time. What should I do to get through this week? |
Anonymous
| Go and have fun with your dh and kids. Stay away from your mom, her house and her dysfunction. Go home early if you can't stay away. Plan and pay for your own vacations in the future. And go sonewhere else. |
Anonymous
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Don’t spend any time with her.
“Mom, it’s clear that you’re uncomfortable with us here. Why don’t we limit our time together. Let’s plan for dinner on Wednesday evening. I can make a reservation at Bob’s Seafood Shack for 6pm. We’ll see you then.” Then stop responding to her. Also send her a check to cover the cost of the rental. |
Anonymous
| Fantasize about next summer when you won’t vacation with them. |
Anonymous
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Spend as much time as possible in your rental.
Put your phone on silent and mute texts from her. Zero notifications. Let all calls go to voicemail. You’ll check when you’re ready to listen. Think of this as a game where you get points for setting boundaries with her. You can earn points for yourself with each boundary setting action on your part. Give yourself prizes like having a special cocktail with spouse or splurging on some fun earrings. Or whatever. Just set the boundaries and vow to never go visit again. |
Anonymous
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My mother is coming on Friday for 10 days!
We're happy to see her and will probably count the insane remarks she makes (but not drink, otherwise we'd be falling over by midmorning). It's better to laugh than cry over them... |
Anonymous
| Straight up ignore her. Your life will be so much better. |
Anonymous
| Is this new (cognitive decline?) or normal behavior? |
Anonymous
Leave and check into a hotel..you a grown woman and you do not have to put up with crap from anyone. |
Anonymous
You can try this, but have a backup plan in case her behavior becomes worse. I would not ever accept anything like this from her again. |
Anonymous
| First, you have to stop accepting her paid vacations. Then, you can establish boundaries in good conscience. |
Anonymous
| Leave. It’s that simple. |
Anonymous
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Your mother may be of the same mentality that my mother is. A gift-like paying for you to vacation near her-comes with major strings that include the right to be nasty to you. If you address the issue, does she then guilt trip you because she paid?
The key is to never accept any "gifts" and have firm boundaries. |
Anonymous
I would do this. A “free” vacation like this is way too expensive in these non-monetary ways. |
Anonymous
| How much does this rental cost? |