Force tween/teen to read/study?

[Anonymous]

My 12 and 14yo boys are registered for some sports camps and clinics this summer. We have a few vacations planned. If I let them be, they would be on screens ALL day. I have gotten them a stack of books from various summer reading lists.

Would you force tweens/teens to read and do some summer work?

This feels so painful to do. I have probably asked my 14yo to read a book at least 10x in the past 2 weeks and he has read zero. My 12 yo still listens to me a little and I have been able to kick him off screens and he has read one book this summer.

[Anonymous]

I gave my kids cash rewards for reading books this summer. That motivated them very quickly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I gave my kids cash rewards for reading books this summer. That motivated them very quickly.

Sadly my boys are not motivated by money. My 12yo may read for vbucks (gaming money) but my 14yo is not. My 14yo had literally zero items on his Xmas wish list.

[Anonymous]

Don’t force reading, instead limit screen time and hope they pick up a book. If you don’t harp on them, they are more likely to

[Anonymous]

No! That’s not a vacation.

If there’s something specific they need to work on, because of a deficiency, then by all means use this time to catch up. Assuming they work hard during the year, though, they should be able to have a break during their vacation. Can you imagine if your boss sent you with work to do on your vacation, not because it urgently needed to be done, but just so you wouldn’t waste your vacation having the “wrong” kind of fun? Sport camps, clinics, and planned family vacations are great, but they also need sone down time that they control, to relax and recharge in a way that works for them.

Growing up, I loved school. I would start every year excited about the chance to learn. However, by the time Spring rolled around, I felt like I was just holding on by my fingernails, just trying to get through one more day. I needed the summer to relax and even get bored, so that by Fall I was ready and eager for another year.

I spent a LOT of time watching screens, but I also spent a LOT of time reading. Thank goodness my mother let me experience the intrinsic job of reding, rather than turning it into a chore. If somebody forced you to do your favorite activity, how long would it be before you began to resent it? Read to them, read around them, and share cool/funny things you read with them. Take them to libraries and/or used book stores.

Meanwhile, screens are just another form of media. While there is undoubtedly some inappropriate content, most of it is fairly neutral, and some can be very educational/enriching. Set guidelines for content, and maybe encourage (not force) them towards positive content, but it’s not inherently as harmful as DCUM would have you think. You might even join them. You can have movie nights, or introduce them to one of your favorite TV shows. Explore YouTube and gind things that interest you. Yes, there are animal videos, and inane videos of self-important individuals doing inane things, but there are also videos of historical footage, performances, scientific experiments, expert explanations/lectures/debates of every topic imaginable, videos from around the world providing insight into their cultures, documentaries and in-depth reporting, etc. Similarly, while you are fully justified in restricting games with content you find objectionable, gaming is not inherently negative. It often involves strategy and problem solving, and may even have a social element (but of course you need to be wary of interacting with strangers on the internet).

Hoagies has links to enrichment websites for all ages and subjects.
https://www.hoagiesgifted.org/links.htm

They might even like programming. Scratch is a language developed by MIT to teach kids how to program.
https://scratch.mit.edu/parents/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No! That’s not a vacation.

If there’s something specific they need to work on, because of a deficiency, then by all means use this time to catch up. Assuming they work hard during the year, though, they should be able to have a break during their vacation. Can you imagine if your boss sent you with work to do on your vacation, not because it urgently needed to be done, but just so you wouldn’t waste your vacation having the “wrong” kind of fun? Sport camps, clinics, and planned family vacations are great, but they also need sone down time that they control, to relax and recharge in a way that works for them.

Growing up, I loved school. I would start every year excited about the chance to learn. However, by the time Spring rolled around, I felt like I was just holding on by my fingernails, just trying to get through one more day. I needed the summer to relax and even get bored, so that by Fall I was ready and eager for another year.

I spent a LOT of time watching screens, but I also spent a LOT of time reading. Thank goodness my mother let me experience the intrinsic job of reding, rather than turning it into a chore. If somebody forced you to do your favorite activity, how long would it be before you began to resent it? Read to them, read around them, and share cool/funny things you read with them. Take them to libraries and/or used book stores.

Meanwhile, screens are just another form of media. While there is undoubtedly some inappropriate content, most of it is fairly neutral, and some can be very educational/enriching. Set guidelines for content, and maybe encourage (not force) them towards positive content, but it’s not inherently as harmful as DCUM would have you think. You might even join them. You can have movie nights, or introduce them to one of your favorite TV shows. Explore YouTube and gind things that interest you. Yes, there are animal videos, and inane videos of self-important individuals doing inane things, but there are also videos of historical footage, performances, scientific experiments, expert explanations/lectures/debates of every topic imaginable, videos from around the world providing insight into their cultures, documentaries and in-depth reporting, etc. Similarly, while you are fully justified in restricting games with content you find objectionable, gaming is not inherently negative. It often involves strategy and problem solving, and may even have a social element (but of course you need to be wary of interacting with strangers on the internet).

Hoagies has links to enrichment websites for all ages and subjects.
https://www.hoagiesgifted.org/links.htm

They might even like programming. Scratch is a language developed by MIT to teach kids how to program.
https://scratch.mit.edu/parents/

OP here. I don’t think my 14yo has read a book for leisure in over a year. He is a straight A student.

My 12yo is barely above average in reading and needs writing improvement.

[Anonymous]

Reading is good but most people aren't readers. I would limit screens to 1-2 hours per day and just force them to find something else to do. Boredom is one of the mothers of invention.

[Anonymous]

I’m forcing my 11yo to read 30 mins a day. She needs to do it to get screen time that day.
So yes even when she’s 14 I’ll probably still be forcing her. I love reading and read in front of her so have no idea why it’s such a battle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m forcing my 11yo to read 30 mins a day. She needs to do it to get screen time that day.
So yes even when she’s 14 I’ll probably still be forcing her. I love reading and read in front of her so have no idea why it’s such a battle.

Does somebody force you to do it 30 minutes a day before you do anything else you might want to do? You want to spend the day shopping, sit down and read first. You want to have a date with your husband, have you completed your 30 minutes?

It’s like Tom Sawyer’s whitewashed fence, in reverse. You’ve turned something intrinsically fun into a chore. At 14, I’m sure you’re right that she’ll have to be forced, because she’ll have had three additional years of resentment to foster her loathing. You may be able to get her to read 30 minutes a day, but how often does she goes beyond that, much less spends a day curled up with a good book. Required reading onky makes sense when it serves a specific purpose. Requiring a child who is learning to read to practice the skill makes sense. A teacher assigning a chapter to prepare for a class discussion, or having them read a book to write a paper about, makes sense, because those readings have a purpose. The only purpose of forcing an eleven year old to read daily (assuming she’s a capable reader) is to make her hate reading.

If she does have trouble reading, then by all means get her tutoring, because she’ll never enjoy it until it is effortless. Otherwise, back off, let her do other things, and just have books that might interest her available, understanding that it may take years of avoidance before the revulsion she has for books starts to dissipate. (In my personal experience, I had a musical mother who forced piano lessons and 30 minutes of daily practice on me from 1st grade until the beginning of 5th, only stopping because we moved. While I now enjoy playing the piano, it took years before I would voluntarily approach a piano and play.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No! That’s not a vacation.

If there’s something specific they need to work on, because of a deficiency, then by all means use this time to catch up. Assuming they work hard during the year, though, they should be able to have a break during their vacation. Can you imagine if your boss sent you with work to do on your vacation, not because it urgently needed to be done, but just so you wouldn’t waste your vacation having the “wrong” kind of fun? Sport camps, clinics, and planned family vacations are great, but they also need sone down time that they control, to relax and recharge in a way that works for them.

Growing up, I loved school. I would start every year excited about the chance to learn. However, by the time Spring rolled around, I felt like I was just holding on by my fingernails, just trying to get through one more day. I needed the summer to relax and even get bored, so that by Fall I was ready and eager for another year.

I spent a LOT of time watching screens, but I also spent a LOT of time reading. Thank goodness my mother let me experience the intrinsic job of reding, rather than turning it into a chore. If somebody forced you to do your favorite activity, how long would it be before you began to resent it? Read to them, read around them, and share cool/funny things you read with them. Take them to libraries and/or used book stores.

Meanwhile, screens are just another form of media. While there is undoubtedly some inappropriate content, most of it is fairly neutral, and some can be very educational/enriching. Set guidelines for content, and maybe encourage (not force) them towards positive content, but it’s not inherently as harmful as DCUM would have you think. You might even join them. You can have movie nights, or introduce them to one of your favorite TV shows. Explore YouTube and gind things that interest you. Yes, there are animal videos, and inane videos of self-important individuals doing inane things, but there are also videos of historical footage, performances, scientific experiments, expert explanations/lectures/debates of every topic imaginable, videos from around the world providing insight into their cultures, documentaries and in-depth reporting, etc. Similarly, while you are fully justified in restricting games with content you find objectionable, gaming is not inherently negative. It often involves strategy and problem solving, and may even have a social element (but of course you need to be wary of interacting with strangers on the internet).

Hoagies has links to enrichment websites for all ages and subjects.
https://www.hoagiesgifted.org/links.htm

They might even like programming. Scratch is a language developed by MIT to teach kids how to program.
https://scratch.mit.edu/parents/

OP here. I don’t think my 14yo has read a book for leisure in over a year. He is a straight A student.

My 12yo is barely above average in reading and needs writing improvement.

Can your 12 yo sound out nonsense words? Many school systems teach reading poorly and he may have a weakness. He should be able to effortlessly read anything at the level he could discuss. If it’s difficult for him, he’ll never enjoy it, and will have more difficulty as content gets harder. If there’s a problem, practicing bad habits isn’t going to fix it. He may need a tutor who specializes in his issues. The goal isn’t work for the sake of working, but working to make things easier for him in the future.

If the 14 yo is getting straight As, his reading ability is probably not an issue. Moreover, he likely works hard during the school year to achieve those grades. He’s earned a break, let him have one.

Encourage their reading, and be willing to involve yourself, but let them choose how to spend their free time. If they’re doing something mandated, it’s not free time, it’s a chore. Of course, you can and probably should assign your kids chores, but you don’t expect your kids to develop a love for it. You might make your child take out the trash as a way to contribute to maintaining the family home, but you wouldn’t expect him to find such happiness that he spends his days looking for trash around the house, or on his own initiative offering to take the neighbor’s trash out or picking up litter along the road. If you force him to read, it becomes another chore, and books will be no more attractive to him than the trash/weeds/dirty laundry/bathroom cleaning, etc. of his other chores.

[Anonymous]

Mine has to do for school. Every summer, he has a few summer reading books and he has to write and turn in essays for some of them.

[Anonymous]

For every ten minutes of reading you get five minutes of screen time.

[Anonymous]

I limit screens but don’t force other things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m forcing my 11yo to read 30 mins a day. She needs to do it to get screen time that day.
So yes even when she’s 14 I’ll probably still be forcing her. I love reading and read in front of her so have no idea why it’s such a battle.

Does somebody force you to do it 30 minutes a day before you do anything else you might want to do? You want to spend the day shopping, sit down and read first. You want to have a date with your husband, have you completed your 30 minutes?

It’s like Tom Sawyer’s whitewashed fence, in reverse. You’ve turned something intrinsically fun into a chore. At 14, I’m sure you’re right that she’ll have to be forced, because she’ll have had three additional years of resentment to foster her loathing. You may be able to get her to read 30 minutes a day, but how often does she goes beyond that, much less spends a day curled up with a good book. Required reading onky makes sense when it serves a specific purpose. Requiring a child who is learning to read to practice the skill makes sense. A teacher assigning a chapter to prepare for a class discussion, or having them read a book to write a paper about, makes sense, because those readings have a purpose. The only purpose of forcing an eleven year old to read daily (assuming she’s a capable reader) is to make her hate reading.

If she does have trouble reading, then by all means get her tutoring, because she’ll never enjoy it until it is effortless. Otherwise, back off, let her do other things, and just have books that might interest her available, understanding that it may take years of avoidance before the revulsion she has for books starts to dissipate. (In my personal experience, I had a musical mother who forced piano lessons and 30 minutes of daily practice on me from 1st grade until the beginning of 5th, only stopping because we moved. While I now enjoy playing the piano, it took years before I would voluntarily approach a piano and play.)

I know you have good intentions, but reading takes practice. If kids don’t do it regularly their skills stagnate. They don’t have to read daily, but every week they should be reading something. Magazines, maps, atlases, books.

It’s a myth that kids who are required to read end up hating it. Please stop perpetuating it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m forcing my 11yo to read 30 mins a day. She needs to do it to get screen time that day.
So yes even when she’s 14 I’ll probably still be forcing her. I love reading and read in front of her so have no idea why it’s such a battle.

Does somebody force you to do it 30 minutes a day before you do anything else you might want to do? You want to spend the day shopping, sit down and read first. You want to have a date with your husband, have you completed your 30 minutes?

It’s like Tom Sawyer’s whitewashed fence, in reverse. You’ve turned something intrinsically fun into a chore. At 14, I’m sure you’re right that she’ll have to be forced, because she’ll have had three additional years of resentment to foster her loathing. You may be able to get her to read 30 minutes a day, but how often does she goes beyond that, much less spends a day curled up with a good book. Required reading onky makes sense when it serves a specific purpose. Requiring a child who is learning to read to practice the skill makes sense. A teacher assigning a chapter to prepare for a class discussion, or having them read a book to write a paper about, makes sense, because those readings have a purpose. The only purpose of forcing an eleven year old to read daily (assuming she’s a capable reader) is to make her hate reading.

If she does have trouble reading, then by all means get her tutoring, because she’ll never enjoy it until it is effortless. Otherwise, back off, let her do other things, and just have books that might interest her available, understanding that it may take years of avoidance before the revulsion she has for books starts to dissipate. (In my personal experience, I had a musical mother who forced piano lessons and 30 minutes of daily practice on me from 1st grade until the beginning of 5th, only stopping because we moved. While I now enjoy playing the piano, it took years before I would voluntarily approach a piano and play.)

I know you have good intentions, but reading takes practice. If kids don’t do it regularly their skills stagnate. They don’t have to read daily, but every week they should be reading something. Magazines, maps, atlases, books.

It’s a myth that kids who are required to read end up hating it. Please stop perpetuating it.

I agree with you. I have a kid who is intrinsically motivated to read for pleasure, but not intrinsically motivated to do various other tasks. I still encourage her to eat her vegetables, practice her instrument, get exercise, clean her room etc. even if she doesn't feel like doing these things on her own. Sometimes practicing critical skills does lead to enjoyment, but even if it doesn't some things just have to be done for your own good. I think an 11yo still needs to practice reading for comprehension. Their decoding may be fine, but at this stage, their comprehension, vocabulary, etc. still need a lot of development.