Co-parenting questions

[Anonymous]

How do you address co-parenting when one parent is sometimes MIA when you have multiple children and the child with special needs is prone to periods of instability and sometimes requires two adults? I'm asking both in terms of an agreement and also in terms of just having a plan. Do you have a person on call? We don't have family nearby so would that be a professional? What kind of professional? What do you spell out in the agreement when you have custody but might need help when there is an emergency? What do you put in the agreement in terms of your rights to seek emergency action like hospitalization?

[Anonymous]

Are you asking how people handle their other children if both parents are needed for the SN child?

If there’s no family or a nanny that can step in, then one parent needs to stay with the other children if they’re not old enough to stay by themselves. I’m struggling to understand a scenario when a child with instability would need both parents.

[Anonymous]

Is this for a divorce? So basically neither one of you can ever be out of town?

I think you could agree upon a service to use like White House Nannies or something, and agree that you'll use any employee of that service.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you asking how people handle their other children if both parents are needed for the SN child?

If there’s no family or a nanny that can step in, then one parent needs to stay with the other children if they’re not old enough to stay by themselves. I’m struggling to understand a scenario when a child with instability would need both parents.

Kids with no special needs sometimes need both parents. I don’t think this is what the OP was asking about, but it’s crazy that you cannot fathom any scenario when a child would need both parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you asking how people handle their other children if both parents are needed for the SN child?

If there’s no family or a nanny that can step in, then one parent needs to stay with the other children if they’re not old enough to stay by themselves. I’m struggling to understand a scenario when a child with instability would need both parents.

Kids with no special needs sometimes need both parents. I don’t think this is what the OP was asking about, but it’s crazy that you cannot fathom any scenario when a child would need both parents.

I can imagine a scenario where a child would want both parents but not one where they would need both parents. Single parents manage as one person so whatever it is can be done by one person.

There’s a difference between want and need. Sometimes when there are multiple children parental units have to divide up responsibilities if there is no one else to step in.

[Anonymous]

I have personally witnessed a poor child having a meltdown at a therapist and two adults were needed to chase the child down.

When you are dealing with multiple children even if only one has SN there are so many possibilities. If the child needs to go to the ER who is watching the other kids especially if they are preschoolers or younger? If a child needs to be restrained, who is watching the other kids? If a child elopes can you leave the others alone? These might be blue moon scenarios for NT kids but for some children with special needs this may happen a few times a week or a few times per day. It's a really hard question. I don't know how I would deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you asking how people handle their other children if both parents are needed for the SN child?

If there’s no family or a nanny that can step in, then one parent needs to stay with the other children if they’re not old enough to stay by themselves. I’m struggling to understand a scenario when a child with instability would need both parents.

Kids with no special needs sometimes need both parents. I don’t think this is what the OP was asking about, but it’s crazy that you cannot fathom any scenario when a child would need both parents.

I can imagine a scenario where a child would want both parents but not one where they would need both parents. Single parents manage as one person so whatever it is can be done by one person.

There’s a difference between want and need. Sometimes when there are multiple children parental units have to divide up responsibilities if there is no one else to step in.

What is wrong with you? I feel like you're purposely trying to be argumentative and dense and don't have a child with special needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have personally witnessed a poor child having a meltdown at a therapist and two adults were needed to chase the child down.

When you are dealing with multiple children even if only one has SN there are so many possibilities. If the child needs to go to the ER who is watching the other kids especially if they are preschoolers or younger? If a child needs to be restrained, who is watching the other kids? If a child elopes can you leave the others alone? These might be blue moon scenarios for NT kids but for some children with special needs this may happen a few times a week or a few times per day. It's a really hard question. I don't know how I would deal.

As a single parent of a child that has had all of those scenarios you manage. Both kids go with you to the ER. One child sits with an admin while you chase the melting child. The other kids end up having to witness the restraint. It’s not pretty but it is possible.

[Anonymous]

I think part of the question is what does the crisis plan look like when you are alone with multiple kids for a long period of time with no back up help. If there are any single parents on this board maybe you can help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have personally witnessed a poor child having a meltdown at a therapist and two adults were needed to chase the child down.

When you are dealing with multiple children even if only one has SN there are so many possibilities. If the child needs to go to the ER who is watching the other kids especially if they are preschoolers or younger? If a child needs to be restrained, who is watching the other kids? If a child elopes can you leave the others alone? These might be blue moon scenarios for NT kids but for some children with special needs this may happen a few times a week or a few times per day. It's a really hard question. I don't know how I would deal.

As a single parent of a child that has had all of those scenarios you manage. Both kids go with you to the ER. One child sits with an admin while you chase the melting child. The other kids end up having to witness the restraint. It’s not pretty but it is possible.

There's suddenly an "admin" who is magically available at your home to help you as you chase your other child who has run into the street and is having an autistic meltdown?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have personally witnessed a poor child having a meltdown at a therapist and two adults were needed to chase the child down.

When you are dealing with multiple children even if only one has SN there are so many possibilities. If the child needs to go to the ER who is watching the other kids especially if they are preschoolers or younger? If a child needs to be restrained, who is watching the other kids? If a child elopes can you leave the others alone? These might be blue moon scenarios for NT kids but for some children with special needs this may happen a few times a week or a few times per day. It's a really hard question. I don't know how I would deal.

As a single parent of a child that has had all of those scenarios you manage. Both kids go with you to the ER. One child sits with an admin while you chase the melting child. The other kids end up having to witness the restraint. It’s not pretty but it is possible.

This response is completely unhelpful and you sound like you want a pat on the back and that you are feeling good about putting down others for asking the question about how they might manage on your own. Good for you that you managed to do that but it's not the same for other parents.

They might have a child with a physical handicap or for a parent who might have a child who is larger and stronger than them and could hurt them and the other kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have personally witnessed a poor child having a meltdown at a therapist and two adults were needed to chase the child down.

When you are dealing with multiple children even if only one has SN there are so many possibilities. If the child needs to go to the ER who is watching the other kids especially if they are preschoolers or younger? If a child needs to be restrained, who is watching the other kids? If a child elopes can you leave the others alone? These might be blue moon scenarios for NT kids but for some children with special needs this may happen a few times a week or a few times per day. It's a really hard question. I don't know how I would deal.

As a single parent of a child that has had all of those scenarios you manage. Both kids go with you to the ER. One child sits with an admin while you chase the melting child. The other kids end up having to witness the restraint. It’s not pretty but it is possible.

There's suddenly an "admin" who is magically available at your home to help you as you chase your other child who has run into the street and is having an autistic meltdown?

That you prevent by placing deadbolts on doors out of reach of the kids. My kid would elope from public places and I would have to ask for help. It was easiest when it happened in a medical or school setting. When it happened in a public place like a park or restaurant it was harder. So we were never far from the car which meant I could put one kid in the car if I had to chase the other.

You live your life with the “what if” cloud over your head and you plan accordingly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have personally witnessed a poor child having a meltdown at a therapist and two adults were needed to chase the child down.

When you are dealing with multiple children even if only one has SN there are so many possibilities. If the child needs to go to the ER who is watching the other kids especially if they are preschoolers or younger? If a child needs to be restrained, who is watching the other kids? If a child elopes can you leave the others alone? These might be blue moon scenarios for NT kids but for some children with special needs this may happen a few times a week or a few times per day. It's a really hard question. I don't know how I would deal.

As a single parent of a child that has had all of those scenarios you manage. Both kids go with you to the ER. One child sits with an admin while you chase the melting child. The other kids end up having to witness the restraint. It’s not pretty but it is possible.

This response is completely unhelpful and you sound like you want a pat on the back and that you are feeling good about putting down others for asking the question about how they might manage on your own. Good for you that you managed to do that but it's not the same for other parents.

They might have a child with a physical handicap or for a parent who might have a child who is larger and stronger than them and could hurt them and the other kids.

Nope. I don’t want a Pat on the back. OP asked how others have managed. I explained how I managed. It may or may not work for OP.

The support group I’m in has discussions about what happens when a child in the home starts harming the other children. I personally have not experienced this so I will not comment on that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have personally witnessed a poor child having a meltdown at a therapist and two adults were needed to chase the child down.

When you are dealing with multiple children even if only one has SN there are so many possibilities. If the child needs to go to the ER who is watching the other kids especially if they are preschoolers or younger? If a child needs to be restrained, who is watching the other kids? If a child elopes can you leave the others alone? These might be blue moon scenarios for NT kids but for some children with special needs this may happen a few times a week or a few times per day. It's a really hard question. I don't know how I would deal.

As a single parent of a child that has had all of those scenarios you manage. Both kids go with you to the ER. One child sits with an admin while you chase the melting child. The other kids end up having to witness the restraint. It’s not pretty but it is possible.

There's suddenly an "admin" who is magically available at your home to help you as you chase your other child who has run into the street and is having an autistic meltdown?

That you prevent by placing deadbolts on doors out of reach of the kids. My kid would elope from public places and I would have to ask for help. It was easiest when it happened in a medical or school setting. When it happened in a public place like a park or restaurant it was harder. So we were never far from the car which meant I could put one kid in the car if I had to chase the other.

You live your life with the “what if” cloud over your head and you plan accordingly.

I really don't know what's wrong with you and your superiority complex. Do you think you're that much smarter than others? We have deadbolts but my child is huge and smart and that won't deter the child from running out into the street.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have personally witnessed a poor child having a meltdown at a therapist and two adults were needed to chase the child down.

When you are dealing with multiple children even if only one has SN there are so many possibilities. If the child needs to go to the ER who is watching the other kids especially if they are preschoolers or younger? If a child needs to be restrained, who is watching the other kids? If a child elopes can you leave the others alone? These might be blue moon scenarios for NT kids but for some children with special needs this may happen a few times a week or a few times per day. It's a really hard question. I don't know how I would deal.

As a single parent of a child that has had all of those scenarios you manage. Both kids go with you to the ER. One child sits with an admin while you chase the melting child. The other kids end up having to witness the restraint. It’s not pretty but it is possible.

There's suddenly an "admin" who is magically available at your home to help you as you chase your other child who has run into the street and is having an autistic meltdown?

That you prevent by placing deadbolts on doors out of reach of the kids. My kid would elope from public places and I would have to ask for help. It was easiest when it happened in a medical or school setting. When it happened in a public place like a park or restaurant it was harder. So we were never far from the car which meant I could put one kid in the car if I had to chase the other.

You live your life with the “what if” cloud over your head and you plan accordingly.

I really don't know what's wrong with you and your superiority complex. Do you think you're that much smarter than others? We have deadbolts but my child is huge and smart and that won't deter the child from running out into the street.

What age are we talking about?