Another silly Facebook question...feeling blown off.

[Anonymous]

Okay, I'm embarrassed to be bothered by this, but just wanted to know if this is a common FB experience. I had a good friend in college who was a big part of my life--we lived together for a year and hung out a lot. Unfortunately we lost touch a few years after college ended. There was no bad blood, but we were very young and wrapped up in our own stuff and somehow drifted apart. I've thought about her a lot over the years and was really excited to see her on FB recently (she's a relatively new member). When I "friended" her I sent a short note telling her that I'm happy to see her on FB and have many fond memories of her (and mentioned one in particular) and would love to catch up. She accepted my friend request but didn't respond to my note or send me a message. I know this is SO silly but it's making me look back at our friendship and wonder if perhaps we weren't as close as I thought we were. This happened one other time with a different college friend who I shared many good times with as well...just made me feel kind of lousy. Maybe I'm a bit too over-sensitive for FB.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't let it stress me out too much. People not making time for folks, even folks they care about, is not unique to facebook. It's just another medium for us to guiltily (or not so guiltily) let life get in the way of keeping in touch. sometimes it is harder to reconnect with old friends (takes so much time and effort to catch up!) than new friends. If she is a new member she might have gotten a ton of messages like yours, too. Maybe take a cue from her and keep it lighter -- make a comment on one of her pictures and catch up on her life that way. That is how my college roomie and I reconnected via facebook -- super low doses of catching up via comments, even though we both had babies under 6 months old at the time.

[Anonymous]

I'm new to FB and heard from an old friend. I was really happy to hear from her! I just had a baby so don"t have much free time and it took me awhile to figure out HOW to reply on FB. May sound dumb but its true. You never know what is going on w/her, try not to make assumptions.

[Anonymous]

She might not have time and might get back to you later. It's not as if she ignored your request.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay, I'm embarrassed to be bothered by this, but just wanted to know if this is a common FB experience. I had a good friend in college who was a big part of my life--we lived together for a year and hung out a lot. Unfortunately we lost touch a few years after college ended. There was no bad blood, but we were very young and wrapped up in our own stuff and somehow drifted apart. I've thought about her a lot over the years and was really excited to see her on FB recently (she's a relatively new member). When I "friended" her I sent a short note telling her that I'm happy to see her on FB and have many fond memories of her (and mentioned one in particular) and would love to catch up. She accepted my friend request but didn't respond to my note or send me a message. I know this is SO silly but it's making me look back at our friendship and wonder if perhaps we weren't as close as I thought we were. This happened one other time with a different college friend who I shared many good times with as well...just made me feel kind of lousy. Maybe I'm a bit too over-sensitive for FB.

FB is utter bullshit --it is the watered downed fakey 21st century extension of high school posing for aging women now. A friend takes you to the airport at the last minute when you need it...A friend can watch your kids for you when you or your spouse is sick, a friend can listen when your marriage is going through a rough spot and not not necessarily judge you for it--Facebook is just for showing off all the fake school/baby playgroup or business contacts you have--

In this area of DC/MD/VA, FaceBook is just LinkedIn on steroids with your MIL watching.

[Anonymous]

PP here--I meant a "real friend" not a fake FaceBook friend.

[Anonymous]

I agree with PP. I hate FB. It's an immature way of communicating with "friends."

[Anonymous]

Not a Facebook user, and as silly as it is, part of the reason is the use of the word "friend." Agree with 11:28 about what a "friend" is. I cherish my real friends... the word on FB is a misnomer. A person I had 7th grade math class with and haven't thought about in 25 years is not a "friend."

Flame away on how I'm too sensitive, what a stupid overreaction, etc.

[Anonymous]

Don't take it personally--I know I always mean to write to people and then if I don't do it RIGHT THEN I get distracted by life, etc. and it never happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay, I'm embarrassed to be bothered by this, but just wanted to know if this is a common FB experience. I had a good friend in college who was a big part of my life--we lived together for a year and hung out a lot. Unfortunately we lost touch a few years after college ended. There was no bad blood, but we were very young and wrapped up in our own stuff and somehow drifted apart. I've thought about her a lot over the years and was really excited to see her on FB recently (she's a relatively new member). When I "friended" her I sent a short note telling her that I'm happy to see her on FB and have many fond memories of her (and mentioned one in particular) and would love to catch up. She accepted my friend request but didn't respond to my note or send me a message. I know this is SO silly but it's making me look back at our friendship and wonder if perhaps we weren't as close as I thought we were. This happened one other time with a different college friend who I shared many good times with as well...just made me feel kind of lousy. Maybe I'm a bit too over-sensitive for FB.

FB is utter bullshit --it is the watered downed fakey 21st century extension of high school posing for aging women now. A friend takes you to the airport at the last minute when you need it...A friend can watch your kids for you when you or your spouse is sick, a friend can listen when your marriage is going through a rough spot and not not necessarily judge you for it--Facebook is just for showing off all the fake school/baby playgroup or business contacts you have-

In this area of DC/MD/VA, FaceBook is just LinkedIn on steroids with your MIL watching.

I agree about the fakeness of FB (but brilliant business-wise, wish I'd thought of it!).

Maybe she doesn't want to be friends now because you've both moved on in life and her time is full. That doesn't lessen the value of the friendship you had at the time. Just because you find an old friend on FB they are not obligated to become friends with you again. PP mentioned some of the things a friend does. Someone you were friends with in college may have done these things for you back then but not now. Don't take what happens on Facebook too seriously. On the other hand she might just have forgotten. You could comment on something she does or a picture and see if she'll reciprocate but personally I'd rather spend my time building up relationships with people who are real friends or making new freal riends.

[Anonymous]

My FB account sometimes notifies me of messages received and sometimes "forgets". I only discover the missed messages when I start to compose a new message to realize several people have sent me messages, some of them deserving of a reply. I do not have any idea what the problem is, but it could be as simple as this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
FB is utter bullshit --it is the watered downed fakey 21st century extension of high school posing for aging women now. A friend takes you to the airport at the last minute when you need it...A friend can watch your kids for you when you or your spouse is sick, a friend can listen when your marriage is going through a rough spot and not not necessarily judge you for it--Facebook is just for showing off all the fake school/baby playgroup or business contacts you have--

In this area of DC/MD/VA, FaceBook is just LinkedIn on steroids with your MIL watching.

Sounds like you take it waaaay too seriously. Plenty of my real friends like you describe are also on Facebook.

[Anonymous]

Another thought. If she had accepted your friend request from a cell phone it would not have been so easy to read and respond to your note. Then when she went back online facebook wouldn't have drawn it to her attention because she had already opened it via phone. I wouldn't assume she is blowing you off. I understand how you feel (I would too) but I would give her another chance. You don't know the circumstances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not a Facebook user, and as silly as it is, part of the reason is the use of the word "friend." Agree with 11:28 about what a "friend" is. I cherish my real friends... the word on FB is a misnomer. A person I had 7th grade math class with and haven't thought about in 25 years is not a "friend."

Flame away on how I'm too sensitive, what a stupid overreaction, etc.

I agree -- if they called it "contact" instead of Friend, I think a lot of the emotionalisty of it would be lessened.

[Anonymous]

One of my recently found friends just isn't very tech savvy and really can't figure out much on Facebook. She couldn't figure out how to send me back a message! Don't take it personally - some people only sign up and check it every once in a while.