Kid is picking up bad behavior from kid at school. Help!

[Anonymous]

My 4.5 year old was happy in a preschool class, and then they moved him to a different, new class because they decided to divide the classes between how long the kids stay. In the new class, there was only one other boy, who is has delays and can only say a handful of words, like butt, and makes these weird noises with his mouth. My kid and this kid have become friends but now my kid, who can speak just fine, now only makes those weird noises with his mouth, spits like the other kid, and every other word is butt. I told the school to put him back in the original class and they said no, and it’s gotten really bad the past few days where my kid is just talking nonsense like a baby and making these noises. I’ve tried time out, I am at my wits end. What would you do?!

[Anonymous]

If it’s pre-school, it will be summer school soon. Problem solved. Be patient.

[Anonymous]

They are signed up to be at school together thru the summer, except the other boy will leave earlier to go for services. My husband just called, aggravated, saying we need to pull him from the school altogether after dealing with this behavior all day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are signed up to be at school together thru the summer, except the other boy will leave earlier to go for services. My husband just called, aggravated, saying we need to pull him from the school altogether after dealing with this behavior all day.

So it’s not pre-school?

Pull him. You’ll be less anxious and he’ll be going to prek in the fall anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are signed up to be at school together thru the summer, except the other boy will leave earlier to go for services. My husband just called, aggravated, saying we need to pull him from the school altogether after dealing with this behavior all day.

So it’s not pre-school?

Pull him. You’ll be less anxious and he’ll be going to prek in the fall anyway.

It is preschool. He will be attending k at a different school next year, and I’m worried this really bad behavior is going to be ingrained.

[Anonymous]

Ignore. The behavior will pass once the novelty wears off.

[Anonymous]

Yep, ignore.

Be glad it's just annoying mouth noises. At a younger age, my kid picked up biting from another kid who bit her and became the class biter. What a nightmare.

[Anonymous]

Welcome to parenthood! A lifetime of them learning things from other people that we would rather they not know.

And kudos to your kid for befriending a kid who may have some social delays, and treating him like an equal.

[Anonymous]

Even if you move him, you will deal with this again, so it’s important that you have some strategies to address it when it’s not something you can ignore. Kids experiment with all sorts of behavior. Making noises, for instance, I would probably ignore unless he’s disrupting something specific like a dinner conversation. It’ll get old fast enough. If it’s something you can’t ignore, like really inappropriate words, disruptive, or spitting (I would probably not ignore spitting either), then I would say “I noticed you’re saying these words that you didn’t say before. Did you hear/see someone else do that?” If he says his friend or someone at school, say calmly “I understand you heard Larlo say that/saw Larlo spit. We don’t say those words/spit in our house. You can make a different choice.” If it’s something like spitting I would treat it like any other boundary in your house if it keeps happening.

Continue to empower your child that they can make different choices with their behavior, even when they see others do it. As he gets older, you can ask things like “what do you think about that?” as a starting point if they share something about a behavior they witnessed. It will be better if your child feels comfortable sharing those things with you long term. Later on your child will be able to understand more about why some kids might have different behaviors, but for now I would just keep it simple “in our house/family we don’t do that”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 4.5 year old was happy in a preschool class, and then they moved him to a different, new class because they decided to divide the classes between how long the kids stay. In the new class, there was only one other boy, who is has delays and can only say a handful of words, like butt, and makes these weird noises with his mouth. My kid and this kid have become friends but now my kid, who can speak just fine, now only makes those weird noises with his mouth, spits like the other kid, and every other word is butt. I told the school to put him back in the original class and they said no, and it’s gotten really bad the past few days where my kid is just talking nonsense like a baby and making these noises. I’ve tried time out, I am at my wits end. What would you do?!

I posted earlier to ignore, but I would add -- when he does the nonsensical talk, try saying "I can't understand you. Use your words." At some point this will happen when he really wants something and he will rediscover the power of communication.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Even if you move him, you will deal with this again, so it’s important that you have some strategies to address it when it’s not something you can ignore. Kids experiment with all sorts of behavior. Making noises, for instance, I would probably ignore unless he’s disrupting something specific like a dinner conversation. It’ll get old fast enough. If it’s something you can’t ignore, like really inappropriate words, disruptive, or spitting (I would probably not ignore spitting either), then I would say “I noticed you’re saying these words that you didn’t say before. Did you hear/see someone else do that?” If he says his friend or someone at school, say calmly “I understand you heard Larlo say that/saw Larlo spit. We don’t say those words/spit in our house. You can make a different choice.” If it’s something like spitting I would treat it like any other boundary in your house if it keeps happening.

Continue to empower your child that they can make different choices with their behavior, even when they see others do it. As he gets older, you can ask things like “what do you think about that?” as a starting point if they share something about a behavior they witnessed. It will be better if your child feels comfortable sharing those things with you long term. Later on your child will be able to understand more about why some kids might have different behaviors, but for now I would just keep it simple “in our house/family we don’t do that”.

PP who said to ignore and this poster has done a really excellent layout of coping strategies/responses for this situation. Thanks for articulating so eloquently what my gut instinct is with this stuff.

[Anonymous]

Typical for 4.5 year olds. If not now then you would have gotten it at K. Be kind, remind him of house rules, ignore (he's trying to get negative attention from you) and redirect. I have a 7 and 3.5 year olds girls. The little one picks up so much from the older one. We do a lot of "no thank you" to behaviors. Once the novelty wears off they stop. Oh and the "butt" and "poop" is all they talked about at K for a year.

[Anonymous]

So first of all, the way you talk about delays as if your son can catch them is generally offensive. Overall every child, particularly preschoolers who are rapidly developing, deserve a chance at mainstream education, provided they are not violent and have the right support to function in the classroom.

That said, my son was in a situation at school this year, the same age, with a kid who had the same nasty language. It was troubling to see him mimicking the Navi or and other parents had the same concern. At home, we taught him that those words aren’t acceptable. Initially, we used consequences like time outs or taking away desserts, which isn’t the best method and wasn’t super effective. instead together we came up with random, silly words he can say when he feels the urge to be silly. That usually helps. We also talk a lot about making good choices even when our friends aren’t doing the right thing. And we talk about empathy for his teachers, who he likes, and how it makes them feel when he says bad words. Things like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 4.5 year old was happy in a preschool class, and then they moved him to a different, new class because they decided to divide the classes between how long the kids stay. In the new class, there was only one other boy, who is has delays and can only say a handful of words, like butt, and makes these weird noises with his mouth. My kid and this kid have become friends but now my kid, who can speak just fine, now only makes those weird noises with his mouth, spits like the other kid, and every other word is butt. I told the school to put him back in the original class and they said no, and it’s gotten really bad the past few days where my kid is just talking nonsense like a baby and making these noises. I’ve tried time out, I am at my wits end. What would you do?!

Sometimes the only language a care-center understands is $$$. Tell them the quality of care your child receives has taken a nose dive and you won't be paying for it. Seriously, you should not pay another dime in tuition until they put your child back in a class where there are normal boys his age for him to play with, and if they refuse then find another care situation. The school is not acting in the best interest of your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are signed up to be at school together thru the summer, except the other boy will leave earlier to go for services. My husband just called, aggravated, saying we need to pull him from the school altogether after dealing with this behavior all day.

So it’s not pre-school?

Pull him. You’ll be less anxious and he’ll be going to prek in the fall anyway.

OMG, this isn't a momma's day out program, it's a real preschool.