Do flakey parents not understand kids are disappointed?

[Anonymous]

I’m so frustrated. We’ve invited a kid from my son’s class over a few times, and they’ve always had fun. No reciprocation, but that’s fine; we’ve even invited the younger sibling to join, last minute, when it was clear he wanted to stay and the mom could use the free time. We’ve been very flexible and have even extended play dates into dinner when the mom was running late on errands.

Lately, the mom has flaked twice literally last-minute. This time, I at least had the foresight to text about an hour beforehand. Invite issued Friday, and accepted. Time was pinned down on Saturday for a Sunday play date. Today I sent a text about an hour beforehand (because we’ve been burned before), and she goes, “Oh, augh, we just bought movie tickets.”

Just told my kid, who is super disappointed. He cleaned his room and had a few activities lined up. Do flakey parents not understand that kids get excited for play dates, and it’s a big let down when you cancel last-minute for no reason? It’s unfortunate because they get along great, but no way am I issuing another invitation to this family. I honestly don’t get parents like this, who are so rude and apparently think nothing of disappointing a little kid.

[Anonymous]

I don’t know why people do this, OP, and I don’t think they ever make the connection between their behavior and the fact that the invites stop coming. My cousin is like this and was complaining about no play dates or birthday invites, and I basically told her it’s because you aren’t reliable. She could hear it from me because I’m her cousin. She tried to change but I think it was too late in many ways.

[Anonymous]

That person is just rude. I have one friend who I really like but she has 4 kids with no help. She cancels last minute all the time. I have learned to never make plans with her alone. I only make plans if others are involved so it doesn’t matter if she comes or not.

[Anonymous]

So, so rude and not nice for the host child. People can really be jerks. She should’ve invited your kid to go with them to the movies. Time for your DC to focus on other friends.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you for the understanding replies. I know in the grand scheme of things, this is small potatoes, but it affected the way we planned our day, and it just stinks. A good reason like a kid falling ill or getting caught in unexpected traffic coming home from somewhere is one thing, “We got movie tickets” is quite another. Thanks again, trying to move on and salvage the day. At least the weather is great!

[Anonymous]

Wow, that's ballsy of her. If she has ADHD or is otherwise distracted, she should have had the decency to come up with a little white lie here, instead of letting you know she doesn't care at all about your family.

Reply and say that your child had cleaned his room in anticipation of the visit and is disappointed his friend cannot come. And then find new friends. He doesn't deserve to be stood up so often!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, that's ballsy of her. If she has ADHD or is otherwise distracted, she should have had the decency to come up with a little white lie here, instead of letting you know she doesn't care at all about your family.

Reply and say that your child had cleaned his room in anticipation of the visit and is disappointed his friend cannot come. And then find new friends. He doesn't deserve to be stood up so often!

You are right. Seriously no more invites for this family, which is unfortunate, but I’m not setting us up for disappointment again.

[Anonymous]

No. Those parents do not understand. And their kids grow ip to be used to dissappointment and always do last minute plans. .

[Anonymous]

Guarantee she has ADHD, OP. And no, she doesn’t understand because this is how she’s been her entire life and she doesn’t get it. I’m sorry!

[Anonymous]

When I arrange those kind of things with those kind of parents I never tell my kid till its confirmed/last minute.

[Anonymous]

OP, look forward to the time when your kid will arrange his own social life. The sooner the better. There will be disappointments. He will zero-in on kids who can come-through and be there for each other. Most you can do to help is to always work to expand his world so he can have a wide circle of possible friends and kids who are available.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I arrange those kind of things with those kind of parents I never tell my kid till its confirmed/last minute.

Invited on a Friday and time pinned down on a Saturday is “confirmed.” In no universe is this OP’s fault.

[Anonymous]

Wow, that’s beyond flakey. That’s just plain rude. If it was an accident because she forgot about the play date, she could have at least invited you and your son to the movie with them. I’m sorry, OP.

[Anonymous]

Very rude! How did you respond to her text (if you responded at all)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Very rude! How did you respond to her text (if you responded at all)?

I simply said, “Have fun.”

She then went on and on about feeling bad and “we’d love to see you at the pool later” and I didn’t respond.