“I know, you told me”

[Anonymous]

When I’m conversing with someone and they start repeating a story, I’ll find a place to quickly and kindly remind them
That they’ve told me the story before. Something like, with a big smile and look of interest in what they have to say, “Oh yes, I remember! You told me about that before!”

My mother often repeats stories to me, and I do much the same with her. But if I start to repeat a story, she will basically roll her eyes and tell me in a condescending way, “I know, you told me.” I’ve developed a real complex about this and become very internally embarrassed about it. Maybe this is why I try to be so kind when reminding others of this apparent faux pas.

But why do I let my mother’s response illicit such a reaction? And why is she so unkind when it comes to this minor social mistake even she’s guilty of?

[Anonymous]

Just let people tell their repeat stories. You don't like being reminded and neither do they.

[Anonymous]

I'm guessing this is just the tip of the iceberg in your relationship with your mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just let people tell their repeat stories. You don't like being reminded and neither do they.

There’s nothing wrong with what OP says. I do this too: when he yes you told me you love to dance with the devil under the pale moon light. Have you danced recently? It continues the conversation without having to hear the nitty gritty details again. And again.

[Anonymous]

Your mom thinks she doesn't have to be respectful or polite to you. I would disabuse her of that notion. When my parents pull stuff like that, I respond to them the way I would respond if my child was rude to me: "would you like to try that again but with kindness this time?" Or: "okay, well I've got to go -- I don't continue conversations with people who can't be polite or respectful."

I don't know where my parents got the idea that being my parent meant they get to speak to me in a way that they would never in a million years address any other person, not their own parents, nor their siblings or friends, nor their grandkids, nieces/nephews, anyone. It's not an age thing because they are perfectly capable of being polite to others. They just think "oh I'm your mom, I can treat you like crap." I have made it clear that they can't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just let people tell their repeat stories. You don't like being reminded and neither do they.

Beside the point. Both OP and her mom are reminding, it's just OP is doing it in a polite way and her mom is being rude. I'm guessing OP's mom is rude in other ways where OP is also polite and respectful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just let people tell their repeat stories. You don't like being reminded and neither do they.

There’s nothing wrong with what OP says. I do this too: when he yes you told me you love to dance with the devil under the pale moon light. Have you danced recently? It continues the conversation without having to hear the nitty gritty details again. And again.

My parents tell the same stories over and over again. They get a kick out of it and my DH and I laugh about it later. It'd doesn't kill us to hear the nitty gritty when it makes them happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just let people tell their repeat stories. You don't like being reminded and neither do they.

Beside the point. Both OP and her mom are reminding, it's just OP is doing it in a polite way and her mom is being rude. I'm guessing OP's mom is rude in other ways where OP is also polite and respectful.

Or maybe OP isn't being as kind as she thinks and her moms is serving it right back up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just let people tell their repeat stories. You don't like being reminded and neither do they.

Beside the point. Both OP and her mom are reminding, it's just OP is doing it in a polite way and her mom is being rude. I'm guessing OP's mom is rude in other ways where OP is also polite and respectful.

Or maybe OP isn't being as kind as she thinks and her moms is serving it right back up.

Why are you like this? Why would OP lie. Why are you creating your own narrative? I have no reason to not believe OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just let people tell their repeat stories. You don't like being reminded and neither do they.

Beside the point. Both OP and her mom are reminding, it's just OP is doing it in a polite way and her mom is being rude. I'm guessing OP's mom is rude in other ways where OP is also polite and respectful.

Or maybe OP isn't being as kind as she thinks and her moms is serving it right back up.

Why are you like this? Why would OP lie. Why are you creating your own narrative? I have no reason to not believe OP

Because in general this is considered very rude. There really aren't many ways to do it nicely even with a big fat smile on your face. Just grin and bear it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just let people tell their repeat stories. You don't like being reminded and neither do they.

Beside the point. Both OP and her mom are reminding, it's just OP is doing it in a polite way and her mom is being rude. I'm guessing OP's mom is rude in other ways where OP is also polite and respectful.

Or maybe OP isn't being as kind as she thinks and her moms is serving it right back up.

Because in general this is considered very rude. There really aren't many ways to do it nicely even with a big fat smile on your face. Just grin and bear it.

Ok.

But why are you like this? Why would OP lie. Why are you creating your own narrative? I have no reason to not believe OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just let people tell their repeat stories. You don't like being reminded and neither do they.

Beside the point. Both OP and her mom are reminding, it's just OP is doing it in a polite way and her mom is being rude. I'm guessing OP's mom is rude in other ways where OP is also polite and respectful.

Or maybe OP isn't being as kind as she thinks and her moms is serving it right back up.

Why are you like this? Why would OP lie. Why are you creating your own narrative? I have no reason to not believe OP

Because in general this is considered very rude. There really aren't many ways to do it nicely even with a big fat smile on your face. Just grin and bear it.

I actually think it is more rude to just fake it like you've never heard the story before. People who do this just sort of half listen and give canned responses. It's actually more rude.

Telling someone "oh yes, I remember this story" and then asking a follow up question is polite. It demonstrates to them that you listen to them, are interested in what they have to say, and would like to hear more. Much kinder than just letting your eyes glaze over and nodding while thinking about your grocery list.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm guessing this is just the tip of the iceberg in your relationship with your mom.

Yep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just let people tell their repeat stories. You don't like being reminded and neither do they.

Beside the point. Both OP and her mom are reminding, it's just OP is doing it in a polite way and her mom is being rude. I'm guessing OP's mom is rude in other ways where OP is also polite and respectful.

Or maybe OP isn't being as kind as she thinks and her moms is serving it right back up.

Why are you like this? Why would OP lie. Why are you creating your own narrative? I have no reason to not believe OP

Because in general this is considered very rude. There really aren't many ways to do it nicely even with a big fat smile on your face. Just grin and bear it.

I actually think it is more rude to just fake it like you've never heard the story before. People who do this just sort of half listen and give canned responses. It's actually more rude.

Telling someone "oh yes, I remember this story" and then asking a follow up question is polite. It demonstrates to them that you listen to them, are interested in what they have to say, and would like to hear more. Much kinder than just letting your eyes glaze over and nodding while thinking about your grocery list.

It's never rude to fake it and smile. Do you know any elderly people who do this? They absolutely won't notice your lack of engagement. I find it hard to believe you'd cut your grandmother off mid sentence as she meanders down memory lane. And lots of people would just go on with their story even if you say you remember it and might add a new detail or two anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just let people tell their repeat stories. You don't like being reminded and neither do they.

Beside the point. Both OP and her mom are reminding, it's just OP is doing it in a polite way and her mom is being rude. I'm guessing OP's mom is rude in other ways where OP is also polite and respectful.

Or maybe OP isn't being as kind as she thinks and her moms is serving it right back up.

Because in general this is considered very rude. There really aren't many ways to do it nicely even with a big fat smile on your face. Just grin and bear it.

Ok.

But why are you like this? Why would OP lie. Why are you creating your own narrative? I have no reason to not believe OP

DP who agrees with PP. I don't think OP is lying I think OP is not self aware. When I don't want to hear a story again I will use it as a launch point, 'omg I remember this story! I was just telling my neighbor about Larla's Starbucks disaster when she spilled hers all over the barista the other day!' I display interest, show I remember, use it to smoothly pivot away, and give the person something to respond to instead of the conversation ender of 'you told me this story already'.

OP thinks she is politely saying this but her mom is kind of telling her she's not saying it politely. OP has given us enough circumstantial information to make some guesses about what is going on, and she's asking our opinion on her behavior based on how she tells it. The way she tells it, I think she's turning people off and her mom is passive aggressively turning it back on her.