The Bickersons

[oldtownmom85]

This weekend DH and I went to dinner with two other couples we know. The one couple are super fun. The other couple does nothing but bicker. The whole meal was them sniping at each other. How to deal?

[Anonymous]

Don’t go out with them.

[Anonymous]

Don’t go out with them.

[Anonymous]

This is why i never go out socially with my husband. He can't table any issues we have for later. No filter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why i never go out socially with my husband. He can't table any issues we have for later. No filter.

Funny, this is why I don’t go out with my wife.

Want to grab dinner out this weekend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why i never go out socially with my husband. He can't table any issues we have for later. No filter.

Funny, this is why I don’t go out with my wife.

Want to grab dinner out this weekend?

Would love to!
Your wife ok with that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why i never go out socially with my husband. He can't table any issues we have for later. No filter.

Funny, this is why I don’t go out with my wife.

Want to grab dinner out this weekend?

Would love to!
Your wife ok with that?

No, but if you drop your husband off she can complain to him about it.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry. That is so uncomfortable for you and the other couple. My now ex husband and I were the Bickersons for a while and it was awful. My ex husband would also make remarks about how our sex life was terrible — he has absolutely no boundaries. I hated it and I know our friends hated it. I wish our friends would have said “knock it off.”

[Anonymous]

Ugh, yes.

My college roommate married DH's lifelong best friend (they met at our wedding). They live in our neighborhood and the kids are best friends so we get together for BBQs and such fairly often. They bicker so much it's extremely uncomfortable and honestly, I don't like my kids seeing that. It's even escalated a few times with swear words and raised voices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry. That is so uncomfortable for you and the other couple. My now ex husband and I were the Bickersons for a while and it was awful. My ex husband would also make remarks about how our sex life was terrible — he has absolutely no boundaries. I hated it and I know our friends hated it. I wish our friends would have said “knock it off.”

My best friend in the entire world has a dud of a husband. They make similar incomes both working full time, but she does 99% of the mental load, child care, logistics, errands, cooking, cleaning, etc. We were on a big friend trip with 5 families last summer. My best friend was super pregnant and their toddler wasn't going to sleep, she kept SCREAMING over the monitor. My friend was so stressed out on the verge of tears and the husband was sitting at the bar drinking and laughing. She thought the toddler was finally out and then another cry came and her DH nonchalantly said "Larla, Toddler is crying again". I have no idea what got into me because I'm extremely easy going and non confrontational, but I turned around in front of everyone and said HOLY SH*T THEN GO DEAL WITH IT! DO YOU NOT SEE LARLA PREGNANT, SWOLLEN, AND EXHAUSTED TO THE POINT OF TEARS?! He went in to deal with the kid and never came back out. My friend thanked me and said that was his first time helping with a wake up and the toddler was almost 2yo. They have't bickered and he's been a hands on dad in front of us since.

[Anonymous]

Ugh, this is DH and me. We have a great relationship, but it's the way his parents communicate and I find it exhausting. We're not actually fighting (no swear words and raised voices!), just constant little jabs and digs that as a one-off could be taken as cute (I guess), but cumulatively are uncomfortable. It's so engrained after 20 years that I don't know how to stop it. We get plenty of invites and vacation with other families regularly, so I guess it can't be THAT bad, but would love suggestions from others that have figured out how to break the habit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, this is DH and me. We have a great relationship, but it's the way his parents communicate and I find it exhausting. We're not actually fighting (no swear words and raised voices!), just constant little jabs and digs that as a one-off could be taken as cute (I guess), but cumulatively are uncomfortable. It's so engrained after 20 years that I don't know how to stop it. We get plenty of invites and vacation with other families regularly, so I guess it can't be THAT bad, but would love suggestions from others that have figured out how to break the habit.

You decide on YOUR boundaries around this behavior and communicate those to him and YOU change your behavior. He doesn't need to agree. Example: "Darling Larlo, I love you and I've decided I don't like the way we bicker and jab each other. I am going to stop doing that to you, and if you dig / jab me, then I am going calmly to point it out to you [JUST STATE - this is a jab] and walk away. And if we are with other people, I may just walk away instead of calling you out in front of them."

[Anonymous]

We stopped going to dinner with Kate and Dan because Kate would count Dan's drinks and openly tell him to stop ordering them after 2 beers. If he ordered a third she'd pout.

[Anonymous]

This is my parents. They're like George Costanza's parents on Seinfeld, just constant bickering. I can't imagine socializing with a couple like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry. That is so uncomfortable for you and the other couple. My now ex husband and I were the Bickersons for a while and it was awful. My ex husband would also make remarks about how our sex life was terrible — he has absolutely no boundaries. I hated it and I know our friends hated it. I wish our friends would have said “knock it off.”

My best friend in the entire world has a dud of a husband. They make similar incomes both working full time, but she does 99% of the mental load, child care, logistics, errands, cooking, cleaning, etc. We were on a big friend trip with 5 families last summer. My best friend was super pregnant and their toddler wasn't going to sleep, she kept SCREAMING over the monitor. My friend was so stressed out on the verge of tears and the husband was sitting at the bar drinking and laughing. She thought the toddler was finally out and then another cry came and her DH nonchalantly said "Larla, Toddler is crying again". I have no idea what got into me because I'm extremely easy going and non confrontational, but I turned around in front of everyone and said HOLY SH*T THEN GO DEAL WITH IT! DO YOU NOT SEE LARLA PREGNANT, SWOLLEN, AND EXHAUSTED TO THE POINT OF TEARS?! He went in to deal with the kid and never came back out. My friend thanked me and said that was his first time helping with a wake up and the toddler was almost 2yo. They have't bickered and he's been a hands on dad in front of us since.

Thank you, PP, on behalf of all women with clueless husbands!