Mother (75) has signs of memory loss. What to do to help?

[Anonymous]

My mom is 75 and had a TBI that she hasnt seemed to fully recover from. I also wondered if she had some minor cognitive issues before this.

She's always been eccentric...but now it's amplified, and I can tell there are some short-term memory issues.

She does live independently (alone), and I haven't noticed any issues with that, although she doesn't seem to go out much anymore.

What should I do as a first step? If there is anything I can do that would help medically, I'd like to pursue. But my aunt said an official diagnosis of dementia (which I'm not sure she has, although it's likely/possible) would lead to problems if long-term care is needed.

I'm also not sure if a TBI can be helped, if that is the cause.

[Anonymous]

Look at your mom's overall health.
Low vitamin B12 is often confused with dementia.
Does she exercise?
How is her diet?
Does she have any friends, hobbies?
Someone who sits alone in her house is going to go into cognitive decline at almost any age.
Age 75 is not that old these days. Many people in my office are over 70, very active physically, etc. Loads of travel, gardening, active at the gym and riding bikes, etc.
Get her to join some clubs, even a walking club if you can find one.
She may be fine cognitively.
Forgetting names is perfectly normal as you age (my neighbor, a gerontologist, told me this). Cognitive decline is when you fail to recognize your next door neighbor, or can't remember what your car key is used for or how to turn on your washing machine.

[Anonymous]

OP here. She exercises, eats well. Since covid she's gone out much less. Her sister recently found a bunch of things by her house to do (senior center, Smithsonian classes, church), but she doesn't do by herself. She used to visit me/grandkids, but it hasn't happened much over past year. She'll do stuff, if someone else initiates.

For forgetfulness, she repeats much more than she used to, forgot she drove to my house (when we went on a trip together). A bigger thing was she went up to my younger daughter when we got back from the trip and instead of saying hi, tells her [unrelated historical tidbit]. And when the kids were talking about it later, mom said she didn’t even see kids and why would she tell them about [unrelated historical tidbit]. She had no memory of seeing kids or telling them that.

[Anonymous]

It's a tough subject, but try to make sure she has a will, POA, and AMD in place and if she doesn't work on that ASAP.

There aren't any medications that will stop dementia. There are some that will very slightly improve cognitive performance -- memantine and rivastigmine being the two that are usually prescribed. I think there have been some new ones that have come out, but they have some pretty serious side effects.

If she's living independently and doesn't want that to change, the best thing you can do is look at her financial picture and get a deep understanding of assets, insurance policies, etc.

Try to get a neurological assessment/medical assessment. Dementia is different for everyone, it is a very personal disease so you need to do the testing.

I can't see any downsides to getting a diagnosis unless she wants to buy long term care insurance. It would be super expensive to buy it at her age and there is also a cognitive test that is a part of it. Some independent living places won't accept people who have dementia, but honestly moving her there with a suspicion about cognitive issues would not be a move I would recommend because you might have to move her again in a year or two.

[Anonymous]

OP - If you seek any direct support care fir your mother, the place would di it’s own evaluation so not likely to get by trying to hide needs. A second review is often done after folks move in to give the. The time to deal with the transition. Whether in- home or in a congregate setting, your best outcomes will be with providing as truthful and complete assessment of your mom’s skills as possible. Some places will allow entrance with appropriate supports from the outside, though I can see that more with a couple if one is at full capacity.
First step for you is to get you mom’s health reviewed and by one with a geriatric background, though you might also go to doctor who treated her TBI to see if an evaluation there might pinpoint it as more a result if a head injury than a symptom of dementia. Still at her age, there is a likely crossover in symptoms at some point.

[Anonymous]

OP, know her finances. Learn everything you possibly can. Even if she's managing well-enough now, needing someone else to take-over is coming.

[Anonymous]

Op, I'm a poster who expected the teen to have a summer job (summer only) but I'm not that strict re: that they only have their own earnings to spend. Teens always came to us, some, for spending money. We didn't even have a set allowance amount but this worked for us: we'd ask what they needed the $ for. Then have a discussion. Sometimes they wanted to meet-up with their friends. By why so much money needed? Their friends were going out to dinner. After some discussion it was clear that it seemed like no one was very excited but those friends were just bored, with no other ideas. It it was going to be an expensive restaurant and we'd talk about why that was such a bad idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, I'm a poster who expected the teen to have a summer job (summer only) but I'm not that strict re: that they only have their own earnings to spend. Teens always came to us, some, for spending money. We didn't even have a set allowance amount but this worked for us: we'd ask what they needed the $ for. Then have a discussion. Sometimes they wanted to meet-up with their friends. By why so much money needed? Their friends were going out to dinner. After some discussion it was clear that it seemed like no one was very excited but those friends were just bored, with no other ideas. It it was going to be an expensive restaurant and we'd talk about why that was such a bad idea.

This post could be a clear sign that someone has dementia, or at the very least Internet Confusion Syndrome.

[Anonymous]

My mom is somewhere between mild and moderate Alzheimer’s I think. We are waiting for a neurologist. First. Get ina list for a consult. Tons of different kinds of dementia and understanding it will help you plan. If she saw a neuron for her tbi try them and tell her it’s follow up.

Second: get poa medical directives and as much info as you can. I’ve taken over my moms finances and it’s complicated. She no longer handles anything (turned out she wasn’t handling anything and was scammed out of 200k by predatory contractor during Covid when she lived across the country). She had daily help but I still didn’t really get it then though although it was weird that she was totally uninvolved with the packing up of her house and selecting what she wanted to keep and ship to her. She was unable to even pack a suitcase and decisions were totally overwhelming. I hired a service that handled it all while I made decisions. In some ways there is a childlike tendency now. She looks to me for basic how to questions of stuff she used to handle effortlessly. Fewer activities also a sign, it’s harder for them to manage things requiring executive function.

Third: talk to her about future. If she can’t care for herself does she want to be in assisted living? Maybe visit a few independent ones. My mom moved into one that also has memory care. It’s expensive (7k mo for assisted living with medication management and memory card only goes up). We don’t have long term care insurance because she stopped paying when her memory was slipping and she was overwhelmed. That was the first obvious sign of things. Now 3 years later it’s short term memory and trouble finding words and no ability to learn newt things. But she doesn’t need memory care and if she still lived independently would be okay with daytime care, driving, cooking. Still I like that there is someone at night if she needs help.

Also know that any transition or hospitalization can be a big set back. Took 5 months for my mom to adjust to assisted living and then she had a brief hospitalization and it took her two months to start getting back into the swing of things. So moving to assisted living is not always easy at first.