"What a waste"

[Anonymous]

Today I had lunch with two friends. We all have two kids each, and I am pregnant with my third. When my friends found out I am having a third girl, one of them said "Oh, what a waste!" and the other friend nodded. Like, what a waste to have a third if you're not going to get a child of a different gender - a boy. Am I crazy on pregnancy hormones that this is keeping me up at night and I am considering dropping them as friends? DH and I are very happy to be having a third girl and what was said feels like a slap in the face.

[Anonymous]

You need new and better friends. And congratulations on your pregnancy!

[Anonymous]

That's a bizarre comment. I'm not sure you understood them properly, or they understood you properly.

FWIW, I believe that pregnant women should b cautious about making major decisions, the hormones are so crazy. Maybe pause the friendship for a while but don't drop them because of one comment.

[Anonymous]

This is gross. Drop them as friends, they sound like pills.

Congrats on your pregnancy! Having three girls sounds terrific to me.

[Anonymous]

Stupid comment. I’m sure it was not meant seriously, it was just a really dumb comment. Do not drop them as friends over this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stupid comment. I’m sure it was not meant seriously, it was just a really dumb comment. Do not drop them as friends over this.

I don’t think they meant your child is a waste, but think they meant it more like - what a wasted opportunity to be pregnant 3 times and not have the other gender (our society assumes everyone wants one of each, though of course many don’t). You will receive LOTS of comments about having 3 kids of the same - are you going to try again for a boy, etc; people just say silly things.

[Anonymous]

if you're my friend who is currently pregnant with a third girl...

1. We're thrilled you're having another girl! We think you guys are awesome parents.

2. You didn't invite me to lunch? WTF?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stupid comment. I’m sure it was not meant seriously, it was just a really dumb comment. Do not drop them as friends over this.

This. I got worse when I was happily pregnant with my third boy. People say dumb things in this scenario but can still be good people.

[Anonymous]

She did not mean your daughter was a waste!
Please don't make hasty decisions on pregnancy hormones.

That being said, my mother was the last of 7, and the 6th girl. My grandparents had that many kids to try for more than one boy. My grandmother didn't like my mother, for being another girl and a "waste" of her last pregnancy.

[Anonymous]

OP I have three girls. It’s the best thing ever 😀 Congrats on your pregnancy!

[Anonymous]

What an incredibly rude comment! I know you were probably too shocked in the moment to form a response, but this is the kind of comment that should be met with “what do you mean?” so there’s no ambiguity.

When I was pregnant with twin girls, strangers would ask if I knew what I was having, and when I told them, some would ask me if I was going to try for a boy next time. That is a rude thing to say to someone who is excited about the two children she hasn’t even had yet. My girls are teenagers now, and just a few months ago, an HVAC technician told me I needed to have a boy. I’m 49 years old! WTF does he think I’m going to do about it at my age?

Congratulations, OP! 🎉 Enjoy that sweet baby when she gets here.

[Anonymous]

It was rude. If it’s bothering you I would call them out.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand people who hear this from a friend and say NOTHING. I would have immediately pushed back and said "we do not think it's a waste at all and are thrilled to be having a 3rd girl".

Friends gently call each other out when we say something stupid. If someone went home from a lunch with me and decided posting on the internet and then dropping me (!) was better than just saying "hey that rubbed me the wrong way" in the moment then I guess we aren't meant for adult friendship.

[Anonymous]

Sigh, I know OP. Just block it out and focus on yourself at this time. People say such drivel when it comes to pregnancy and child rearing.

[Anonymous]

I posted earlier saying to drop them but have been thinking more about it over my coffee and commute, lol. It was a rude thing to say. They were probably making a joke, but it was rude.

I know this can be uncomfortable, but it may be worth a text? “Hey, at lunch the other day you said something that hurt a bit…”

If they get super defensive, then you may really want to think about putting some distance between y’all.

FWIW, I think people do just say…weird things when people are pregnant. I don’t mean to suggest this is the same as your situation, but we have a girl and are now having a boy. People have been saying things like, “Perfect! You can be all done” or “oh good, a set.”

It feels gross? I actually was sort of hoping for another girl, lol, but of course we’re excited for a boy. And while we don’t have plans for a third, not sure why our “set” would necessitate that. Just…weird.