MIL staying with us postpartum?

[Anonymous]

DH's parents live across the country. MIL is an easy, considerate house guest who is very excited about having a grandkid (her first) and would likely be pretty helpful. FIL is a difficult house guest who creates more cleaning/cooking/requires entertainment. We have a nice bedroom and bathroom in our basement that allows guests to be relatively contained, minus eating.

DH thinks that it could be good to have MIL here for a couple weeks PP to help with cooking, cleaning, and our dog. Part of me agrees, but the other part of me feels weird about having another person in our house in our first weeks as new parents. We are both on the same page that FIL staying here would not work.

How would you navigate this? DH thinks he could get away with asking only MIL to stay with us and FIL to stay in a hotel; I'm not sure how they would handle that, or if even having here here is a good idea. Would appreciate thoughts from anyone who has managed parents coming from out of town after birth.

[Anonymous]

Have both stay in the hotel and MIL can come and help during the daytime hours.

[Anonymous]

The hotel idea sounds bad. Ask MIL only to come. Get DH to tell FIL it will be crazy with the newborn crying all the time and that for the sake of his eardrums he should visit after things settle down.

It is wonderful to have help after birth if the person is helpful, which it sounds like MIL is. An extra pair of hands to cook, do laundry, look after the baby so you can catch up on sleep.

[Anonymous]

Get her an Airbnb

[Anonymous]

How would you handle someone telling you that you, out of the kindness of your heart, can stay at their house to help them but your husband should stay in a hotel? Literal lol. Sounds like a good way to get zero help postpartum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have both stay in the hotel and MIL can come and help during the daytime hours.

+1

[Anonymous]

Get home and then see how you feel. You may wish to have no one but your husband and new baby in your home the first few weeks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How would you handle someone telling you that you, out of the kindness of your heart, can stay at their house to help them but your husband should stay in a hotel? Literal lol. Sounds like a good way to get zero help postpartum.

This

[Anonymous]

I wish I didn't have anyone help the first few weeks. No matter how well intentioned or how helpful I thought they would be, it just interfered and made things more difficult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish I didn't have anyone help the first few weeks. No matter how well intentioned or how helpful I
thought they would be, it just interfered and made things more difficult.

Absolute opposite. More the merrier, I needed human interaction, bring me all the food and your baby holding hands.

[Anonymous]

My stepmother barged her way in after my first was born and nearly tried to get the baby to nurse from her own chest. She was a nightmare. I told DH if we ever had more kids we would NOT be telling her or my father when I went into labor and they would NOT be welcome in our home until 2-4 weeks after getting home from the hospital. My dad was super easygoing, happy to walk the dog, cook meals, amuse himself - but his wife was out of control.

There is no way I could say to someone "You can stay but your spouse will have to stay at a hotel."

[Anonymous]

Nope. You both will be fine. Have her come a few weeks after the baby is born.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope. You both will be fine. Have her come a few weeks after the baby is born.

Agree. You’ve got the first few weeks. Will your spouse be home for a few days at least. I was so glad no one stayed with us for the first few weeks too. I was very glad when they came when they did.

Option- tell them hotel, set that up. However, if MIL seems to be helfpul and you want her one evening overnight, maybe she stays. Make it organic- set up for hotel and the overnight just for MIL as if it’s a new idea after they’ve been there a few days. This also gives you the option to try it out first with days only. You can always invite more, harder to push them to hotel once they are in your house.

Also, does MIL know the FIL makes life harder? Likely she does, and will totally understand if you want them in hotel.

[Anonymous]

If you are on the fence, don’t schedule them the moment you come home. You need this time to meet and love your baby without any stressors. If you’re breastfeeding, you don’t want to be stuck in your room.

[Anonymous]

Nope.

Unpopular opinion is you might not need any help. Or at least not enough to have someone staying in your house. After the initial few weeks, there isn’t much to do. Babies sleep a lot and don’t create messes besides diaper blowouts.

Everyone terrified me about having a baby and how difficult it was. I hired weekly cleaners and had meal delivery service scheduled. It was nice to have, but I didn’t have anything to do. I sat outside on my stoop while people cleaned my house. I could have made an easy dinner every night. I was bored. However I put my baby down even when he was screaming and I was religious about naps and teaching baby to sleep.

Millions of women have babies. It’s not necessarily as all consuming as you’ll be lectured about on here. Babies can’t walk, talk or really do much besides eat, sleep and poop.