Bereavement Food... What's Appropriate?

[Anonymous]

I am in charge of dropping off food for an old friend who lost a parent this week. I live closest and all other friends trust me to decide and then they will pay their share. Would wine in addition to food be a good idea? Sweets since she has kids? Any other ideas... money really isn't much of an issue here.

[Anonymous]

Not to be a Debbie Downer, but have you confirmed she wants food?

[Anonymous]

Take her something that they can nibble on.... cold cuts and fixings, veggies and dips, a good old charcuterie board.

People often bring heavy "casserole" type items that need to be heated up and in the end all taste the same. That or a salad that must be eaten immediately. Try for something that keeps a few days that they can eat how and when they want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take her something that they can nibble on.... cold cuts and fixings, veggies and dips, a good old charcuterie board.

People often bring heavy "casserole" type items that need to be heated up and in the end all taste the same. That or a salad that must be eaten immediately. Try for something that keeps a few days that they can eat how and when they want.

This or comfort food. I think it’s fine to bring things that can be nibbled on, or a more traditional meal. Both are a nice gesture, and both are nice to have on hand for the family and any visitors. If you go the meal/comfort food route, I think something like a salad, lasagna, garlic bread, cookies would be nice.

[Anonymous]

Also make sure that everything you provide (like platter or baking dish) is disposable.


I like the charcuterie tray idea. I’ve also delivered a fruit basket with apples, mandarin oranges, bananas, grapes-put all in an aluminum baking dish and line with parchment paper. Give pretty paper napkins.

Everyone tends to provide casseroles; think creatively and arrange to deliver lunch like sun sandwiches and cheese tray or do grab and go breakfast with muffins, bagels, breakfast bars, bananas, small bottles of juice or jug of orange juice.

When my parent died, I had to pack up and drive to the funeral and so appreciated portable snacks and smaller items delivered to grab and go and share.

You don’t want to burden the bereaved with washing dishes and returning items to you.

[Anonymous]

Deli platter with rolls, and fresh cut up fruit, because everyone will bring desserts, and they will be happy to have something healthy

[Anonymous]

When I was grieving, someone sent food from a restaurant that was a good assortment of lunches for DH and I. Butternut squash soup, haluomi salad, a roast beef sandwich, rolls and then additionally; a plethora of easy breakfast options- croissants, muffins, danishes. It was so so kind of her and absolutely perfect.

Another friend group sent a delivery of specialty cupcakes. It was super random and meant as comfort food. The frivolousness of it helped me just delight in the surprise and how kind it was of them.

Family sent an assortment of bagels and cream cheese from NY.

I think whatever you choose from the heart and well thought out… will bring your friend the intended care-taking vibe you are going for.

[Anonymous]

Ask what they like or want or even if they want it. I'm really picky so most wouldn't get eaten

[Anonymous]

Sorry for your friend's loss - I have been meaning to read this actually:

Not Everyone Wants A Casserole: The Different Ways Cultures Grieve With Food
These culinary rituals define the process of mourning across different traditions.

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/mourning-foods-around-world_l_640a0e70e4b006d19e26950f

[Anonymous]

Since she has kids I would say definitely a meal that is kid-friendly and alleviates having to make a meal for the family for a day. I would have really appreciated people bringing dinner when I lost a parent. I didn't have much of an appetite so a gourmet meal would have been lost on me during that time, but it was hard enough to take care of myself, let alone the kids, so having that covered for a day would have been great.

[Anonymous]

I would give gift cards to restaurants or Doordash.

[Anonymous]

Tex-mex, if they like that food profile, separate containers of cooked meat, grilled vegetables, black beans, salsa, guac, cheese, soft tortillas, chips.

Could do same with BBQ, sides, rolls.

Easy to make meals with flexibility for each person.

[Anonymous]

To your question about wine - I would say yes but make it easy with a screwtop. Especially if it was after a long ilness they may finally be ready to numb themselves a bit. While in crisis mode they may have needed to always to on and as much as they needed a drink - couldn’t have one.

And we appreciated dinners that were dropped off with a light breakfast to follow. So whatever you make for dinner include muffins for morning, bagels, whatever. And as said above - definitely throw away containers.

[Anonymous]

I’m Jewish, and in my culture (NY Jew) we give food from a kosher deli, and pastries.

[Anonymous]

A spiral ham, rolls and a tub of potato salad is the standard in our rural southern community.