Feeling Insecure

[Anonymous]

My kid’s school had an art night tonight. The other moms there are so skinny and pretty. Many of them look like they just stepped out of a magazine. They all also seem to have good friends at the school.

I just feel awkward at these events, and like an outsider. I’m too fat, my outfits are wrong, and I don’t have any close friends at the school. I try, but somehow I can’t seem to make much progress in any of these areas. I show up to support my kid, but I usually can’t wait to leave.

[Anonymous]

Pretty much everyone except those small groups of moms feels that way, OP. And those “perfect” moms have problems, too.

The only way to thrive in these environments is to make friends. Strike up a conversation with someone else who looks lonely in the corner. Ask your kid to go talk to someone they know, and then make conversation with that parent. It is not easy and not fun. But don’t let it feel like high school all over again.

I promise that your full self if your best bet, not hiding or trying to be someone different.

[Anonymous]

Oh those perfect moms…I know the type. But many have their own stuff to deal with that they don’t wear on their sleeve. And many feel the same way as you on the inside for whatever their own reasons. Although I am likable and get along well with many, it really takes effort. If I were you, I would put myself out there, make the chit chat but wouldn’t force it bc at the end of the day, chances are you won’t mesh with everyone. But maybe you will with a few good ones. And those relationships will make all the difference and give you confidence

[Anonymous]

Different situation but i have a 6mo old and am proud when we get out of the house not covered in spit up and are in one piece. I still am much heavier than my pre pregnancy weight. I see families with infants that are all done up and mothers with their hair and make up done and i just dont get how they can get themselves ready like that.

[Anonymous]

I used to feel the same way like you do, I’m not a social person and after having kids those events just make me nervous but I can’t avoid. After a while I learn to smile and say hi to others, join some class/school volunteer, attend some bday parties and have few play dates with others things get earlier and I feel more comfortable and confident around people. Just give yourself some time and you will be fine.

[Anonymous]

Easier* not earlier

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid’s school had an art night tonight. The other moms there are so skinny and pretty. Many of them look like they just stepped out of a magazine. They all also seem to have good friends at the school.

I just feel awkward at these events, and like an outsider. I’m too fat, my outfits are wrong, and I don’t have any close friends at the school. I try, but somehow I can’t seem to make much progress in any of these areas. I show up to support my kid, but I usually can’t wait to leave.

That's fine. Everyone but extroverts, feel uncomfortable at such events. You aren't there for yourself, you are there for your child. Focus on that. Give your undivided support to make sure he/she is happy and unstressed.

As far as your wish to be more fit, fancy and friend magnet, just take little steps to make gradual changes. Not to look or act like them but to find your own happy balance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh those perfect moms…I know the type. But many have their own stuff to deal with that they don’t wear on their sleeve. And many feel the same way as you on the inside for whatever their own reasons. Although I am likable and get along well with many, it really takes effort. If I were you, I would put myself out there, make the chit chat but wouldn’t force it bc at the end of the day, chances are you won’t mesh with everyone. But maybe you will with a few good ones. And those relationships will make all the difference and give you confidence

This^. Most who look and act perfect, are nowhere near the facade they try to paint. Everyone has their struggles, you just aren't privy to contents their past, future or even inside of present. You just see the wrapping.

[Anonymous]

I feel the same way OP. Mostly I'm not white and the others are but I also think some of this is in my head. Anyhow, I suspect many other parents feel the same way because if I even put myself out there a tiny bit, I find at the next event, those parents come by to say hi to me and we catch up. Not the perfect group, but all the others who are there for their kids.

[Anonymous]

I think I probably look like the women you're describing. Except, I'm just there to look at the art. I don't go to my kids' school to make friends. I'm just in and out to get done whatever my obligation is there.

[Anonymous]

I'm a mom who may be considered part of that "perfect mom" group you spoke about. Even through I fake it, I do not feel strongly about most in those groups bc of the insane amount of posturing that comes along with it. I'd welcome someone who might not fit this "mold" you are speaking of, who is down to earth and chill. Bottom line is, I will facilitate relationships that will add to my kid's happiness. I certainly do not care what package their parents are delivered in as long they are good people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid’s school had an art night tonight. The other moms there are so skinny and pretty. Many of them look like they just stepped out of a magazine. They all also seem to have good friends at the school.

I just feel awkward at these events, and like an outsider. I’m too fat, my outfits are wrong, and I don’t have any close friends at the school. I try, but somehow I can’t seem to make much progress in any of these areas. I show up to support my kid, but I usually can’t wait to leave.

I was at this event. You looked fine to me boo 😒

[Anonymous]

I might be one of those moms now. I have 3 kids and very active in the school and community. When we first got here, I saw these perfect fit looking moms at the first pta meeting. Now I’m one of those pta moms. I’m not necessarily perfect looking but I am fit, dress nicely and know a lot of people from school, scouts, soccer, swim, tennis, volleyball, basketball and all the other things my kids have done over the years. I am friendly, not friends with most of these people but from a new school perspective, we probably all look very chummy.

[Anonymous]

Im a mom and don’t talk to anyone. I have to do better.

[Anonymous]

OP do you pick your friends based on how skinny they are and their clothes? Nobody does that, we’re all adults. People just want to talk to someone who is friendly and doesn’t do or say anything too weird. If you’ve done that, you’re a great school event chit chatter. No one cares if you’re fat, they don’t need you to do any running for them and you’re not going to have sex with the other moms. You’re fine.