New to Are: How to Meet Families?

[Anonymous]

We have been here about a year now - tea plants from Midwest with two elementary kids and a middle schooler in Fairfax area. We are finding everyone seems very scheduled with lots of activities, and while realtor who found us this place to rent while we look to buy more permanently told us our neighborhood is full of kids the kiddos at my kids school who they play with seem too busy during the week and weekends for impromptu play dates. There’s no one just biking around etc., unstructured get togethers or last minute stopping by after the bus stop kind of thing. Everyone has tutoring, multiple sports or one sport with additional coaching, instruments, tutors. It honestly makes my head spin. My husband and I both have advanced degrees and are by no means slacking here, but we feel very caught off guard by the pace of it all. It is even hard to find time to get to know the other parents at school and in the neighborhood because they just don’t seem to be around walking or in community.

I’m wondering: is this just our neighborhood and maybe we can look elsewhere? Or is this just a culture shift in this area we need to get used to?

[Anonymous]

Sorry * transplants from midwest

[Anonymous]

Church.

[Anonymous]

Wut?

[Anonymous]

Wat?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have been here about a year now - tea plants from Midwest with two elementary kids and a middle schooler in Fairfax area. We are finding everyone seems very scheduled with lots of activities, and while realtor who found us this place to rent while we look to buy more permanently told us our neighborhood is full of kids the kiddos at my kids school who they play with seem too busy during the week and weekends for impromptu play dates. There’s no one just biking around etc., unstructured get togethers or last minute stopping by after the bus stop kind of thing. Everyone has tutoring, multiple sports or one sport with additional coaching, instruments, tutors. It honestly makes my head spin. My husband and I both have advanced degrees and are by no means slacking here, but we feel very caught off guard by the pace of it all. It is even hard to find time to get to know the other parents at school and in the neighborhood because they just don’t seem to be around walking or in community.

I’m wondering: is this just our neighborhood and maybe we can look elsewhere? Or is this just a culture shift in this area we need to get used to?

It’s a rat race to nowhere. Get used to it

[Anonymous]

Pickleball

[Anonymous]

Rec sports

[Anonymous]

At the body shop

[Anonymous]

I avoid midwesterners. I haven't liked any of the ones I've met, so I stopped interacting with them as much as possible.

[Anonymous]

Don’t your kids have activities?

We’re in MD and our kids are busy with travel sports and other activities but we have kids near us that my kids hang out with.

My kids walk home too and often walk together with friends.

Join community events or get on ur neighborhood Listserv or fb group. Have u actually tried to coordinate with any families and are being rebuffed all the time or don’t bother because you know they’re busy?

[Anonymous]

This is very common in DC. “Impromptu” is not something most people do here. Ask your kid to ask their friends what group activities they do (swim at X, soccer class at 10am through Y, etc) and then try to join some of those classes. You and other parents will be waiting around for the kids in the classes and chat then. People are very friendly, but yes, we sign up for weekend activities in 4 month chunks in advance

[Anonymous]

In other words, you have to put more effort and energy into it. Get out of your comfort zones of expecting families falling over their feet to befriend you. I mean where from the Midwest did u come from that ppl and kids had no activities or had so much free time? Did you really come to the DC area and think it would be the same?

People come to DC with advanced degrees and still can’t figure this out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is very common in DC. “Impromptu” is not something most people do here. Ask your kid to ask their friends what group activities they do (swim at X, soccer class at 10am through Y, etc) and then try to join some of those classes. You and other parents will be waiting around for the kids in the classes and chat then. People are very friendly, but yes, we sign up for weekend activities in 4 month chunks in advance

+1

[Anonymous]

Activities and get togethers are different. Here everything has to be an activity. As in “pay. Fee for x number of weeks of this activity”. All activities are somehow structured and supervised by some sort of hired person— rec league, professional league, parent volunteer for scouts, swim team in summer, etc. etc. There is no impromptu anything. Families generally do not hang out with other families. Unless the connections were formed outside of the kids.