3 year old in daycare/preschool who doesn't participate in activities/wanders

[Anonymous]

Looking for feedback from parents if their kid did not participate in some instructor-led activities, but instead wandered around classroom to play with toys. Did you do anything at home to work on attention span? Did you have a talk with the teacher to see how to "pull" the kid back into the activity? Not sure if the wandering/playing with things that are interesting is OK. Seems like the kid is not really benefiting, so thinking about what needs to change.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP, I had this issue a bit with my son who is now 4.5

There is such a spectrum of typical and also a huge spectrum of non typical. “Self directedness” is one of those confusing things, along with many other toddler behaviors, that can be indicative of an underlying disorder or just typical toddler behavior/maturity.

It could be nothing, it could be adhd, it could be autism, it could be an underlying OT issue like auditory processing, it could be speech reception etc. or he could just be a three year old who doesn’t like super structured activities and doesn’t know how to tolerate things he does not prefer yet. You can request an evaluation through CPSE, and the results of those eval a might qualify your child for an IEP and services at school to help him better access learning- like a SEIT(a shadow) who will work with him on specific behaviors, OT, PT or speech therapy. You can also make an appt privately with a developmental pediatrician but the lead times are usually quite long.

Sometimes I think that school is just harder for certain very young children, and too much is expected from them these days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP, I had this issue a bit with my son who is now 4.5

There is such a spectrum of typical and also a huge spectrum of non typical. “Self directedness” is one of those confusing things, along with many other toddler behaviors, that can be indicative of an underlying disorder or just typical toddler behavior/maturity.

It could be nothing, it could be adhd, it could be autism, it could be an underlying OT issue like auditory processing, it could be speech reception etc. or he could just be a three year old who doesn’t like super structured activities and doesn’t know how to tolerate things he does not prefer yet. You can request an evaluation through CPSE, and the results of those eval a might qualify your child for an IEP and services at school to help him better access learning- like a SEIT(a shadow) who will work with him on specific behaviors, OT, PT or speech therapy. You can also make an appt privately with a developmental pediatrician but the lead times are usually quite long.

Sometimes I think that school is just harder for certain very young children, and too much is expected from them these days.

To add: in terms of specific tactics, we read quietly together at home and will pause to make sure my sons engaged (he loves being read to and even when it seems like he’s not focusing, he’s retaining a lot and knows all the words to many of his books by heart.) in school, I ask the teacher and my son that he sits near them or in a teachers lap at circle time. I also find it helpful to give my son a job when transitioning to a less preferred activity (like hey! Can you get that book or pull over a chair?)

[Anonymous]

How’s his language?

[Anonymous]

OP here: thanks for the tactics! we try implementing similar ones, giving tasks seems to help. Yes, speech delayed.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like perhaps his ability to do what most of the other three year olds are doing is somewhat immature and the teacher is not forcing the issue, or at least not all of the time. I think that's fine, he will likely start to catch up soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP, I had this issue a bit with my son who is now 4.5

There is such a spectrum of typical and also a huge spectrum of non typical. “Self directedness” is one of those confusing things, along with many other toddler behaviors, that can be indicative of an underlying disorder or just typical toddler behavior/maturity.

It could be nothing, it could be adhd, it could be autism, it could be an underlying OT issue like auditory processing, it could be speech reception etc. or he could just be a three year old who doesn’t like super structured activities and doesn’t know how to tolerate things he does not prefer yet. You can request an evaluation through CPSE, and the results of those eval a might qualify your child for an IEP and services at school to help him better access learning- like a SEIT(a shadow) who will work with him on specific behaviors, OT, PT or speech therapy. You can also make an appt privately with a developmental pediatrician but the lead times are usually quite long.

Sometimes I think that school is just harder for certain very young children, and too much is expected from them these days.

+1 YES to all you said. (Educator/Evaluator here)

[Anonymous]

My speech delayed 3 yr old doesn’t really participate, but I know he’s learning because he is coming up with more words and complex phrases every day. The day care and other educators we’ve talked to always say they just meet children where they are.

[Anonymous]

How is his hearing, has it been checked?

[Anonymous]

That's normal with speech delays. We found a more structured preschool much better.

[Anonymous]

Developmental pediatrician assessment would be a good start.

[Anonymous]

DS was like that at 2.5 and some speech issues. Was assessed due to speech and nothing found; he still preferred unstructured play at 3 when his speech issues were solved. He is a typical 13 yo with maybe a bit of Aspie tendencies but not diagnosed.

[Anonymous]

My kid was like that at 2.5 with a speech delay. Things improved greatly as her speech came in.

[Anonymous]

This was my son at 2-3yo. He was diagnosed with autism. Worth looking into if other signs (sensory, social etc) are present.

[Anonymous]

My son did this at 2.5-3ish. He wouldn’t sit still and had some fine motor challenges. We had him see a developmental pediatrician and he got speech and OT evaluations. He ended up in speech and OT for several years.

He’s now in third grade at a regular school. He’s dyslexic, but seems to keep up with tutoring.

Don’t panic. Do one thing at a time. Start by getting on the list for a developmental ped appointment.