Teen wants to quit orchestra instrument for choir …

[Anonymous]

DD plays the cello and wants to quit. Played in middle school orchestra and is burned out. Has played for many years so easily gets first chair for most school events since her school orchestra is small. Barely practices unless forced even when there is time. She wants to switch to choir/musical theater but it’s very competitive in our area so she’s not likely to get solo roles but would be a solid group participant.

DD has some ASD/anxiety/ADD so her dropping her one activity causes me concern. She doesn’t really have any other activities so she is dropping one, very well developed activities for another one where she is fairly newer and May not stand out.

She is going into 9th. One option is I tell her she has to continue with cello in some way (whatever she chooses). Another option is to just let her quit.

[Anonymous]

I think having an activity is important. I don’t think it’s important to “stand out”. A lot of people want to avoid standing out and are a lot happier aw a solud group participant, and she may be one. I think some type of music is valuable and required my kids to take one year of music (their choice). Your child is already an accomplished musician and will still be engaging in music through choir.

I think you should let her follow her interests. As she goes into 9th, the number of activities available to her at school will probably balloon, each of which will offer her something of value. Cello isn’t something she wants to do right now, but she can always come back to it later.

[Anonymous]

Take the long view here. She’s probably not going to go be a professional cello player. But she’s always going to be her own person making choices and looking for ways to connect with people around her, have fun, contribute to something bigger than herself. It sounds like she has found a new way that she wants to try doing that. Let her make this choice.

[Anonymous]

It’s not about standing out, it’s about being happy. Let her quit.

My kid quit orchestra and picked up a sport. He was not one of the top players and by HS barely had any playing time in games. Still, he was so much happier because he was doing something he liked.

[Anonymous]

Let her try it for a year to see if she likes it then take it from there. It may or may not end up making her happier than cello.

[Anonymous]

I'd let her quit, but I'd also say... playing and instrument is a form of meditation and I think having an instrument in your life will make you a happier person in the end. Maybe take up a guitar or ukelele and the choir will lead you to something more for yourself in college.

I'd hate for you to give up a gift; is there an instrument you would enjoy playing?

In the end it's your decision but as a parent I don't want you to have any regrets, so I just want to put that out there.

[Anonymous]

I forced my teen to continue orchestra in freshman year because I think she was overestimating what the time commitment would involve. It turned out to be an easy extracurricular and she is excited to continue honors orchestra into her junior year. I agree with PP to ask your teen to give it a try for a year. It would be one thing if she had another long term commitment like a sport to fall back on, but this is the one hobby she has and it’s something that she can do into adulthood as a pleasure activity. I told my teen that you spend so many years learning a string instrument, orchestra is the icing on the cake where you can just sit back and enjoy playing with others without the stress of having to learn anymore - this is the part to enjoy!

[Anonymous]

If she's not practicing she doesn't love it. And that's ok.

My kids have both done musicals and even with small parts absolutely love being a part of the cast. It's a whole vibe. Theater is an accepting group of kids. Let her pick.

[Anonymous]

I sang in choir for many years and it has been one of the very best things in my life. I’d say let her try it for a year, it’s not like she is going to forget how to play the cello if she wants to pick it up again.

[Anonymous]

OP, continuing or quitting are not her only options. Insist she do SOMETHING. There are no cut sports and tons of club activities, service opportunities, stage crew, etc etc. And her theater idea is a great one. They’re usually a very supportive and fun group who remain friendly.

[Anonymous]

Theater is a lot more fun and a way to branch out.

Encourage her to take a break but keep practicing (not intensively) to maintain he cello skills for life.

[Anonymous]

Shorten the daily ( or 3 times a week) practice time, and if she’s taking private lesson ask instructor to slow down give less work etc (ask the same from orchestra teacher), and let her start something she asks for Either choir or musical ( maybe choir will take less group practice time than musical?).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD plays the cello and wants to quit. Played in middle school orchestra and is burned out. Has played for many years so easily gets first chair for most school events since her school orchestra is small. Barely practices unless forced even when there is time. She wants to switch to choir/musical theater but it’s very competitive in our area so she’s not likely to get solo roles but would be a solid group participant.

DD has some ASD/anxiety/ADD so her dropping her one activity causes me concern. She doesn’t really have any other activities so she is dropping one, very well developed activities for another one where she is fairly newer and May not stand out.

She is going into 9th. One option is I tell her she has to continue with cello in some way (whatever she chooses). Another option is to just let her quit.

You need to sit with this, OP.

I agree that kids need activities. I'm in a struggle currently with my rising 9th grader over his extracurriculars. We sort of require our kids to do one thing for themselves physically and one thing that isn't a physical (scouts, music, robotics, acting, whatever). Having just gone through the college application process with my oldest, I understand the importance of ECs, but that can't be a drive over your DD's happiness. Decide what your expectations are for participation, drop the goal of her "standing out", and start allowing her some freedom to explore her interests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD plays the cello and wants to quit. Played in middle school orchestra and is burned out. Has played for many years so easily gets first chair for most school events since her school orchestra is small. Barely practices unless forced even when there is time. She wants to switch to choir/musical theater but it’s very competitive in our area so she’s not likely to get solo roles but would be a solid group participant.

DD has some ASD/anxiety/ADD so her dropping her one activity causes me concern. She doesn’t really have any other activities so she is dropping one, very well developed activities for another one where she is fairly newer and May not stand out.

She is going into 9th. One option is I tell her she has to continue with cello in some way (whatever she chooses). Another option is to just let her quit.

You need to sit with this, OP.

I agree that kids need activities. I'm in a struggle currently with my rising 9th grader over his extracurriculars. We sort of require our kids to do one thing for themselves physically and one thing that isn't a physical (scouts, music, robotics, acting, whatever). Having just gone through the college application process with my oldest, I understand the importance of ECs, but that can't be a drive over your DD's happiness. Decide what your expectations are for participation, drop the goal of her "standing out", and start allowing her some freedom to explore her interests.

+1, she doesn't need to be "first chair" or the "solo", she just needs to be involved and have fun. Thats' your bar.

[Anonymous]

Top level singing isn't easier than cello but general singing is. Choir/musical theater is good for ASD/Anxiety/ADHD because it is inclusive and it builds social and life skills. Make sure she doesn't give up due to not landing principal roles.