Potluck people come in….I need insight on your reasons

[Anonymous]

First of all let me say that I respect anyone that is willing to open up their house to host. I recognize that we as a society are getting away from this more and more. There’s just one thing I’m struggling with and that is the Potluck, bring a dish invite. It just feels so weird to be invited somewhere and then be told that I need to bring a dish to pass. If you are one of these people can you provide insight into your why and if you also expect a hostess gift from your guests?

I host in my home and do so when I am able to provide the entire meal for my guests. If money/time is tight, I open my home up to dessert and drinks only at the proper time, but never ask guests to bring anything as it feels like I am putting them out by asking them to bring a dish especially when it’s for a large number of people. I am not being snarky. I really would like to hear from you all on this as I recognize that this isn’t going to ever change as it’s becoming more prevalent and I need to either change my perspective or just continue to decline these invites as they aren’t convenient for me or comfortable for me. Thanks

[Anonymous]

Potlucks are a great way to try different foods. Usually my friends bring things they cook best, and there are so many things that I would never be able to do as well. Plus the overall vibe is fun and casual, which I love.

[Anonymous]

First, I never expect a hostess gift and frankly, don’t want one. While I appreciate generosity, that custom is one I see no need for. I host if I want to host, not to accumulate stuff.

Second, potlucks are just tradition in some areas. Usually it’s when people are all reasonably close and recognize that sharing the duty of providing the food lightens the load for the host and can be fun. My parents and families we were close with regularly had potlucks and everyone remembered the dip so and so would always bring, or another family’s usual dessert, etc.

I love hosting and enjoy serving what I hope is an appealing meal. I always end up with too much, but that’s part of the fun of it - making sure there’s something for everyone and no one goes home hungry. If someone invited me to a potluck, I’d happily bring along a dish to share - but I’m also confident in my ability to bring a killer dessert or appetizer. It’s not a burden to me to bake something delicious to share with people, especially not people I really like.

[Anonymous]

Most of my friends are horribly afraid to open their homes to others. I don’t know why. So when 10 of us get together regularly but only 3 feel comfortable hosting after the 5th time I feel like others need to contribute.

[Anonymous]

I haven’t hosted one because I love to cook but the last one I attended was for thanksgiving. A bunch of us with young kids and no family to visit wanted to do something but we were all tired. The host said she could manage the cleaning and the turkey but that was all. Everyone else immediately thanked her profusely and offered to bring the rest of the meal and chairs and such. In general that has been my potluck experience: there’s a big holiday meal folks want to celebrate but no one has the energy to prepare the whole thing so we divvy up the cooking. I loved them personally. I like cooking and trying other peoples cooking both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Potlucks are a great way to try different foods. Usually my friends bring things they cook best, and there are so many things that I would never be able to do as well. Plus the overall vibe is fun and casual, which I love.[/quote

I hadn’t thought of any of your reasons! Thanks so much for responding. It sounds like your friends are open and more than happy to bring a dish.

[Anonymous]

I’ve never hosted a potluck but I’m not bothered by them. Quite frankly, I think we’d all be better off if more people were willing to host with that kind of casual vibe.

I’d much rather hang with the potluck crowd than the people who are convinced that any food prepared by others is contaminated with pet hair and fecal matter. That’s no way to go through life.

[Anonymous]

I’ve never hosted one, it I live potlucks. Imagine if everyone only had large groups over when they are able to provide the entire meal; but due to work and kids and life demands, that never happens…isn’t it better to just have potlucks? The important part of coming together is to enjoy one another’s company, not to rate whether the host did a perfect job with supplying everything. So I enjoy potlucks because it’s usually fun, it’s casual, it’s easier on the host (I don’t need people stressing about perfectly hosting on my behalf) there’s usually more of a variety of a foods, etc.

Btw, hostess gifts should never be expected or required. You sound really rigid on how things are supposed to be (even to the point of declining invitations because bringing a dish is not comfortable?). Hey, that’s fine if that’s your jam, but I’m a much more casual, “whatever works” type of person. It may be best that you continue not to attend, tbh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First, I never expect a hostess gift and frankly, don’t want one. While I appreciate generosity, that custom is one I see no need for. I host if I want to host, not to accumulate stuff.

Second, potlucks are just tradition in some areas. Usually it’s when people are all reasonably close and recognize that sharing the duty of providing the food lightens the load for the host and can be fun. My parents and families we were close with regularly had potlucks and everyone remembered the dip so and so would always bring, or another family’s usual dessert, etc.

I love hosting and enjoy serving what I hope is an appealing meal. I always end up with too much, but that’s part of the fun of it - making sure there’s something for everyone and no one goes home hungry. If someone invited me to a potluck, I’d happily bring along a dish to share - but I’m also confident in my ability to bring a killer dessert or appetizer. It’s not a burden to me to bake something delicious to share with people, especially not people I really like.

There’s something that you shared at the end that really gave me pause “ It’s not a burden to me to bake something delicious to share with people, especially not people I really like.” I really appreciate this insight. It’s a beautiful and selfless way to think. Thank you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t hosted one because I love to cook but the last one I attended was for thanksgiving. A bunch of us with young kids and no family to visit wanted to do something but we were all tired. The host said she could manage the cleaning and the turkey but that was all. Everyone else immediately thanked her profusely and offered to bring the rest of the meal and chairs and such. In general that has been my potluck experience: there’s a big holiday meal folks want to celebrate but no one has the energy to prepare the whole thing so we divvy up the cooking. I loved them personally. I like cooking and trying other peoples cooking both.

Yes. I have been to holidays where people contributed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve never hosted one, it I live potlucks. Imagine if everyone only had large groups over when they are able to provide the entire meal; but due to work and kids and life demands, that never happens…isn’t it better to just have potlucks? The important part of coming together is to enjoy one another’s company, not to rate whether the host did a perfect job with supplying everything. So I enjoy potlucks because it’s usually fun, it’s casual, it’s easier on the host (I don’t need people stressing about perfectly hosting on my behalf) there’s usually more of a variety of a foods, etc.

Btw, hostess gifts should never be expected or required. You sound really rigid on how things are supposed to be (even to the point of declining invitations because bringing a dish is not comfortable?). Hey, that’s fine if that’s your jam, but I’m a much more casual, “whatever works” type of person. It may be best that you continue not to attend, tbh.

Yes. I am a little rigid. 😞 This is why I am asking because I do feel that I need to be more flexible and see the other side of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most of my friends are horribly afraid to open their homes to others. I don’t know why. So when 10 of us get together regularly but only 3 feel comfortable hosting after the 5th time I feel like others need to contribute.

Contribute is one thing, potluck is another. There's a huge difference to me between the hosts saying "can you bring a salad or dessert?" when they invite us (the answer to which is pretty much always yes) and sending around a spreadsheet with stuff you need to sign up for.

Also, as people who are very good at cooking and will do a good job with our contribution, I resent potlucks because I know many/most other people will not. We'll show up with a carefully thought out side or main that we put time into planning and executing, and half of the other guests will show up with something they grabbed from the grocery store on the way over. If they remember at all -- I've been to potlucks where there basically was no main because someone forgot to bring meat for grilling or something (I also think it's obnoxious for the hosts not to just plan the main and farm out the sides/apps/dessert).

Some people can't host for whatever reason (small house, pets, they are hoarders, I don't know) but that's not an excuse for planning potlucks for all your hosting gigs and doing a piss poor job even at that.

[Anonymous]

A lot of it is cultural, but potlucks solve a lot of problems.

1. You don’t need a good headcount so it’s more casual. If everyone bring approximately as much as their family will consume there will be enough food. Obviously the variety comes in eating everyone’s food.
2. Many people will not come empty handed. If you assign them a dish they won’t feel compelled to bring you a candle or whatever.
3. The host doesn’t have as much work, and therefore more people are willing to host more often.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most of my friends are horribly afraid to open their homes to others. I don’t know why. So when 10 of us get together regularly but only 3 feel comfortable hosting after the 5th time I feel like others need to contribute.

Contribute is one thing, potluck is another. There's a huge difference to me between the hosts saying "can you bring a salad or dessert?" when they invite us (the answer to which is pretty much always yes) and sending around a spreadsheet with stuff you need to sign up for.

Also, as people who are very good at cooking and will do a good job with our contribution, I resent potlucks because I know many/most other people will not. We'll show up with a carefully thought out side or main that we put time into planning and executing, and half of the other guests will show up with something they grabbed from the grocery store on the way over. If they remember at all -- I've been to potlucks where there basically was no main because someone forgot to bring meat for grilling or something (I also think it's obnoxious for the hosts not to just plan the main and farm out the sides/apps/dessert).

Some people can't host for whatever reason (small house, pets, they are hoarders, I don't know) but that's not an excuse for planning potlucks for all your hosting gigs and doing a piss poor job even at that.

You sound like you resent the people inviting you. Maybe you should just stay home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most of my friends are horribly afraid to open their homes to others. I don’t know why. So when 10 of us get together regularly but only 3 feel comfortable hosting after the 5th time I feel like others need to contribute.

Contribute is one thing, potluck is another. There's a huge difference to me between the hosts saying "can you bring a salad or dessert?" when they invite us (the answer to which is pretty much always yes) and sending around a spreadsheet with stuff you need to sign up for.

Also, as people who are very good at cooking and will do a good job with our contribution, I resent potlucks because I know many/most other people will not. We'll show up with a carefully thought out side or main that we put time into planning and executing, and half of the other guests will show up with something they grabbed from the grocery store on the way over. If they remember at all -- I've been to potlucks where there basically was no main because someone forgot to bring meat for grilling or something (I also think it's obnoxious for the hosts not to just plan the main and farm out the sides/apps/dessert).

Some people can't host for whatever reason (small house, pets, they are hoarders, I don't know) but that's not an excuse for planning potlucks for all your hosting gigs and doing a piss poor job even at that.

Op here. So it’s sounds like you are in the no potluck crowd? I’ve only ever been to potlucks at holiday and of course at work but you make it sound unorganized and not fun.