Is this unreasonable?
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Anonymous
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A friend is unhappy with her nanny but the search to find a new one has been insane. I've been talking with her about it but I can't offer that much more insight are these normal tasks/asks
Pay is $27.50/hr after taxes 1 baby girl Tasks- developmentally appropriate activities and planning an activity once a day 3x a week - sensory bin, art. Clean big Toys/sterilize pacifiers once a month/daily tidy especially of toys going in the mouth/teethers. Can run in DW Load bottles in DW Stay on top of baby laundry Keep nursery tidy, no heavy cleaning but wiping down the changing table once a day, keep it stocked, notify if running low on things Put baby schedule first, keep routine Asks- friend knows some are not the norm Mom stays home, will accompany on most walks, once comfortable can discuss solo walks but no napping in the stroller Only mom and dad will feed baby solids No playdates Mom will take baby to classes on the weekend or while nanny is taking care of laundry/tidying nursery/having a break Basically my friend realizes from interviewing that most nannies want free reign and autonomy to do what they would like throughout the day and see who they want. But she doesn't want that dynamic and is very very overprotective. They need help because of her health needs/she needs a lot of rest right now. |
Anonymous
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She's not over-protective - she wants the best parts of parenting for herself! We should normalize this.
Tell your friend that she's not looking for a nanny - she's looking for a housekeeper or maid. I mean this in the best way, I was very similar to her (worked from home, wanted someone to "mind" the babies and then I took them on the fun/enriching things - playdates, parks, shops). It's not only doable but the norm overseas where we live, where nannies don't do things like drive kids around. I always had a warm, older housekeeper who hung out with the baby, i.e. put her in the bouncer and be chatty with her while tidying the house, then hand baby to me at 4 PM to go to park before dinner/bath/bed, if I was up for it. Others will comment that she is unreasonable or I am insane but I got everything you describe above for 3 kids, and no breaks in either of us working. I would personally not search for a nanny, based on what I hear about US nannies. They seem to take over the parenting while parents cook and clean in the background, it makes no sense to me. |
Anonymous
They don't need her to cook or clean. They have a great cleaning service. It's more that yes my friend is home and not working but needs ample rest. The nanny would take over care but within the house. There wouldn't be free reign for outings and socializing ( both nanny and baby) and bigger things like baths, solids, classes, Dr visits my friend would take larlo on. The nanny would only need to do housekeeping things that pertain to the baby. I thought most nannies already do baby's laundry and dishes, keep their nursery tidy.....but perhaps it's too much on top of normal interaction with larlo. She does nap 3x a day. So there should be time plus a break. My friend has feedback from potential nannies that they won't work with someone who is micromanaging and home all day. But really it's just she wants control over baby's day and isn't putting her in daycare, she doesn't believe in socializing young infants. But that leads to nanny not feeling like she can go out herself. Thanks for you input. I'll pass along it's nice to know others feel the same. |
Anonymous
| Yeah - I imagine its just too annoying to work with a mom like that that is micromanaging and really not trusting either. Just be sure to make the advertisement description really clear and and emphasize the benefits.. (breaks/downtime). Maybe figure out how to make those times when mom is doing walks, feeding etc a really clear break for nanny - something that they will value since they don't have other freedoms through out the day. I would hate taking care of my baby if we had to be home all day and couldnt go out for walks etc.. |
Anonymous
| The micromanaging is going to be tough. What about putting the salary above the market rate, being upfront in ad, and emphasizing the downtime as mentioned by a PP? While it sounds great, less work,it’s just not the norm and nobody wants parents hanging over them all day. |
Anonymous
| I used to be a Nanny and would never have taken this job. Can’t even go for a walk with the baby by yourself? Friend sounds nuts. |
Anonymous
| Yes it’s unreasonable to answer your question. |
Anonymous
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Seems like she wants a mother's helper not a nanny per se.
https://westsidenannies.com/mothers-helper-vs-full-charge-nanny-whats-the-difference/ Not that I have any experience hiring other - but maybe changing job title to attract those interested in that role might help? |
Anonymous
should be either |
Anonymous
| The tasks are fine. The asks bely the fact that mom is going to be a micromanager. No walk solo? No nap in stroller? What's the nanny supposed to do if baby naturally falls asleep in the stroller? Wake her up and hightail home? It's insanity. |
Anonymous
| I'm a mom who works at home and who has had a FT nanny and hosted a nanny share. The tasks she wants are reasonable and not out of the ordinary. The rest of it would make most nannies run for the hills, as they should, IMHO. |
Anonymous
| In my experience, almost no nannies will opt to work for a family where one or more parents is WFH...adding the degree to which this mom wants to be involved, and I'm not surprised she's not finding any takers. Could she look for a teenager to help her for the summer, and then see if she's more comfortable with traditional nanny arrangement in the fall? |
Anonymous
| This sounds like what a nanny does in the developing country I am from. But it is unreasonable for nannies her. Nannies want to hang out with nanny friends and do classes and playdates. They do not want to be stuck inside all day and supervised on walks. WTF |
Anonymous
| Tell your friend to quit her job and raise her kid herself. |
Anonymous
| Of course it’s unreasonable, especially for $27/ hr |