Moving an elderly parent to MoCo

[Anonymous]

My parents considered moving to MoCo from out of state, because it’s more practical to be nearby as they age (80+).

But they are afraid of starting over with no friends here.

Advice on where to live and how to find a community?

[Anonymous]

Asbury Village and Leasure World are huge communities of seniors.

Oasis offers courses for seniors on topics that may be of interest: https://washington-metro.oasisnet.org/

Encore is a chorale group for those over 55 - https://encorecreativity.org/encore-chorales/

There are tons of options and opportunities

[Anonymous]

MoCo seems like a sweet spot in many ways. I'd recommend looking for spots that have access to public transit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MoCo seems like a sweet spot in many ways. I'd recommend looking for spots that have access to public transit.

OP’s parents are in mid 80’s, they are not using public transportation or at least frequently enough for that to be concern. There are many lovely retirement communities with tons of activities. That is what to look for not public transportation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MoCo seems like a sweet spot in many ways. I'd recommend looking for spots that have access to public transit.

OP’s parents are in mid 80’s, they are not using public transportation or at least frequently enough for that to be concern. There are many lovely retirement communities with tons of activities. That is what to look for not public transportation.

My suggestion wasn't meant to be mutually exclusive. I live in NYC, so there are mid-80s folks on public transit, going to the doctor, to a museum, and/or meeting friends. Some of them are parents of friends and they live in NORCs or retirement communities. Perhaps OP's parents, or even one of them, may feel similarly. It's still a way to have some independence.

[Anonymous]

Find a CCRC near you. They have lots of social things planned all the time. My parent's biggest mistake was moving to CCRC too late. They were able to live in IL, but were sick/tired enough that they didn't go out and make friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Find a CCRC near you. They have lots of social things planned all the time. My parent's biggest mistake was moving to CCRC too late. They were able to live in IL, but were sick/tired enough that they didn't go out and make friends.

Thinking about this with my ILs who are in their early 80s. FiL is not doing that great mentally. MiL is still quite active. She appreciates living in their home, going to her lunches and card games, etc. Part of me thinks she would be fine entering a CCRC at any age as she is very outgoing and seems to have endless energy. But if that were to change quickly, then it might not be so easy for her. For now, she is not looking to change and FiL still appears to be able to live at home with some outside help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MoCo seems like a sweet spot in many ways. I'd recommend looking for spots that have access to public transit.

OP’s parents are in mid 80’s, they are not using public transportation or at least frequently enough for that to be concern. There are many lovely retirement communities with tons of activities. That is what to look for not public transportation.

My suggestion wasn't meant to be mutually exclusive. I live in NYC, so there are mid-80s folks on public transit, going to the doctor, to a museum, and/or meeting friends. Some of them are parents of friends and they live in NORCs or retirement communities. Perhaps OP's parents, or even one of them, may feel similarly. It's still a way to have some independence.

That's very dangerous in montgomery county even in bethesda. Most pedestrian accidents is either teens or seniors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Find a CCRC near you. They have lots of social things planned all the time. My parent's biggest mistake was moving to CCRC too late. They were able to live in IL, but were sick/tired enough that they didn't go out and make friends.

My parents moved to MoCo at 79. At first they were looking at condos but soon realized that a CCRC was the way to go. Despite being the height of covid, they made friends. My father who was fine when they moved, took a terrible turn. Suddenly he needed skilled nursing and eventually passed away. My mom is nearby and very happy to have friends who are in similar circumstances and easy activities to attend. She is at Ingleside King Farm. I will add that it is not a utopia. There is definitely a transition getting used to having rules after being independent in your own home.

[Anonymous]

Another enthusiastic vote for Leisure World.

It has older transplants from all over the US to move closer to kids/grandkids, and an international community. Different mutuals (what housing clusters are called) offer different living options, from mid/low/high rises to SFHs at all price points, community garden, two clubhouses, pool, shuttle, golf course, walking trails, and even on-site doctor's offices.

Each building has its own social committee, so there are coffee hours, happy hours, movie nights, lectures, book clubs, etc. So there are many opportunities to make friends.

Building services also includes things like hanging pictures/changing high light bulbs xxx times per year, changing your HVAC filters 2x/year, etc.

As people get older they often choose in-home care, so you see a lot of those staffing coming and going.

Highly recommend. My parents moved there and I was terrified that they were leaving their social network behind. They quickly created a brand new one at Leisure World.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t make any move at that age that isn’t into a continuing care situation they can stay in permanently with whatever care needs might arise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MoCo seems like a sweet spot in many ways. I'd recommend looking for spots that have access to public transit.

OP’s parents are in mid 80’s, they are not using public transportation or at least frequently enough for that to be concern. There are many lovely retirement communities with tons of activities. That is what to look for not public transportation.

My suggestion wasn't meant to be mutually exclusive. I live in NYC, so there are mid-80s folks on public transit, going to the doctor, to a museum, and/or meeting friends. Some of them are parents of friends and they live in NORCs or retirement communities. Perhaps OP's parents, or even one of them, may feel similarly. It's still a way to have some independence.

That's very dangerous in montgomery county even in bethesda. Most pedestrian accidents is either teens or seniors.

So teens and seniors should never leave their homes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Find a CCRC near you. They have lots of social things planned all the time. My parent's biggest mistake was moving to CCRC too late. They were able to live in IL, but were sick/tired enough that they didn't go out and make friends.

My parents moved to MoCo at 79. At first they were looking at condos but soon realized that a CCRC was the way to go. Despite being the height of covid, they made friends. My father who was fine when they moved, took a terrible turn. Suddenly he needed skilled nursing and eventually passed away. My mom is nearby and very happy to have friends who are in similar circumstances and easy activities to attend. She is at Ingleside King Farm. I will add that it is not a utopia. There is definitely a transition getting used to having rules after being independent in your own home.

PP, do you mind sharing about what types of rules? Wondering if this may be why MiL is resistant to make a change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Find a CCRC near you. They have lots of social things planned all the time. My parent's biggest mistake was moving to CCRC too late. They were able to live in IL, but were sick/tired enough that they didn't go out and make friends.

Absolutely this. We prioritized proximity to us, and my family member is now at a nice independent living facility within a 10-minute drive. It makes it so much easier to get together for a meal or a kid's concert, and then take them home. We realized that there are other nice places 30 minutes away from us (45 in traffic), but couldn't imagine an hour or more round trip just to pick up, not to mention dropping off later. (I'd assume that even if they're driving now, they might not be soon.)

[Anonymous]

I got a report today from an elder parent:

Leisure World is beautiful land, but it's too "suburban/exurban". And the homes are too old and worn out. (They are a good fit for DCUM Money and Finance forum!)

Dad said the apartment building with elevator in Gaithersburg looked good, but Mom wouldn't be comfortable walking the long hallway to the elevator. Mom said of course she can walk it. (Doubt. She has foot problems from cancer and has major fall risk.)

CCRC is a no-go because they aren't that old/sick (ignoring that it's easier to start CCRC before it's strictly necessary).

They want to live somewhere with community so they aren't a nag to us. But they have a 20th century ethnic-group-based view of what counts as community.

They want somewhere with long-term residents, not extendes-stay hotel, but they also don't want to be here year-round yet.

Lots of contradictions.

I think an elevator apartment (or maybe a 1ar floor garden) at one of the "town centers" is the best best, and CCRC later.