DH seems like he doesn't like DS

[Anonymous]

DS is very different in personality and interests than DH. DH talks about this issue with disgust, like something is wrong with DS, just because he doesn't have the same interests. I am sure DS senses this at times. I don't know how to talk to DH about it.

[Anonymous]

“I’m concerned about the way you talk about DS’s interests. I know they are not the same as yours, but he is catching on that you seem disgusted with his interests. It’s hurtful to me, because he seems to be hurt by it too. Have you noticed this? Can we talk about how to avoid this?”

[Anonymous]

Been there, done that.

I would follow the script above. And you may need to do it a few times. And you may need to do it after specific things happen and explain how what was said might’ve been perceived as hurtful at your DS.

There is a possibility that, after quite some time, DH might come around. And he might not. But in the meantime, you make sure you do everything you can to be a cheerleader that your son needs.

You may only be able to determine your behavior. But not guide the behavior of someone else. Focus on you and the best that you can be. Your DS will know that and see that.

[Anonymous]

Kids definitely pick up on when a parent doesn’t like them.

Am happy you’re wanting to do something about this. Even if DH doesn’t understand DS very much, it’s important to feel respected and loved.

[Anonymous]

Your husband is mean. Protect your child and encourage his interests. Stop letting your husband get away with this bullying behavior.

[Anonymous]

I am 20:33. She is asking how to help - not if she should. The Mom is following her gut and clearly upset about it. Comments like yours are easily said - but HOW to bring change? Like I have said - been there, done that.

To OP - sometimes in the moment I would call it out like “That is not nice”. Sometimes there would be an argument after (which unfortunately the kids would sometimes hear). I would make sure to give my kids extra compliments at all times. The kids knew what they loved and was reasonable was 100% supported by me and that I would go to bat every time. It’s a hard road but it has mattered to my kids that I love them for who they are.

Every situation is different. In mine I believe that their Dad had his own challenges with neurodiversity and depression. Unfortunately approaching an adult to say that the problem is them doesn’t fly well. (The neurodiversity was diagnosed but yet unwilling to medicate and/or do the work. The depression formally undiagnosed.)

Would having a therapist for you and/or your son help? That can be a starting point even if that starting point is not the root of the problem.

I write my situation in the past tense. But don’t think we didn’t bring the emotional baggage into the present.

[Anonymous]

I'm this way with my mother and while we clashed during my teenage years, we are super close now

[Anonymous]

Is your son effeminate?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is your son effeminate?

Or is your DH jealous of DS?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is your son effeminate?

Or is your DH jealous of DS?

No to both. It is hard to describe, but DS has things he is interested in and it doesn't overlap with DH and so he has a hard time relating to him and doesn't fit the mold of who DH would be friends with.

[Anonymous]

Your DH watches Fox News?

[Anonymous]

If your DH is not a feminist then such kind of toxic masculinity is unavoidable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your DH is not a feminist then such kind of toxic masculinity is unavoidable.

Son must earn the father’s respect. This is the way.

[Anonymous]

I love my son but am disgusted by his interests. Video games are gaming are stupid and I don’t hesitate to tell him to get a life and some real interests and hobbies bc video games make you actively stupider and accomplish nothing useful for life or the future. Sue me.

[Anonymous]

To OP
I am 20:33 and I completely understand. The way isn’t for your son to be the jock or nerd or artist or whatever his Dad envisioned and who he wanted him to be friends with. It will be about your son becoming his own true self.

So please don’t ask him to change to please his Dad. He would still be miserable. I see the comment on here to that effect and I can tell you that I would not have found that helpful. If anything, it would’ve been hurtful to my kid to follow that advice.