I have hard time to relate to it

[Anonymous]

Somebody very close to me is gay, to be more precise a very strong activist in gay rights and lgbt community for many years.
I love them a lot but I am hetero/cisgender and sometimes I have really hard time relating to it.
I understand these are really important issues, too many times in the past gay rights were not respected and there were discrimination and violence against the community.
I want to be supportive but sometimes I am just overwhelmed or plain tired. I would like to tell them hey we have your back, you don’t need to discuss over and over about the same topic, there is so much more about you than activism

[Anonymous]

Discrimination and violence against LGBTQ+ people is not in the past. It’s happening right now, every day. States are passing laws seeking to eradicate trans people, to erase discussion of gender and sexual identity from education and public discourse. Your friend is living that—imagine how overwhelmed and tired they amid those attacks. What you see as “activism” is your friend navigating life as an LGBTQ+ person in the world.

Your friend deserves your respect and empathy. If you can’t provide that, you are not their friend.

[Anonymous]

It's okay to have a hard time relating to them. They probably have trouble relating to some of your challenges (me when my straight friends complain about gender difference in their relationships/chore balance/etc). It's okay to say that you're tired and don't have the energy to discuss depressing things right now of course, but know that your friend may distance themselves from you for a while because they seem like this is where their brain is at right now -- they're feeling overwhelmed and terrified about where things are going with their rights and want to talk about it with their friends. However, it's fine if you're not the right friend for that venting. I have toddlers and I know some of my friends are just not the right friends for venting to about baby stuff. But that does mean those friendships cool for a time while you two work through your separate stuff separately since you're not the right supports for each other right now.

[Anonymous]

OP hee. Thank you both for your replies. The first reply made me realize how important right now are certain issues for the lgbt community, issues that I may have overlooked.
The second reply gave me some grace, the toddler example perfectly described how I feel right now

[Anonymous]

First, it is okay to feel this way. Everyone has their own personal struggles and we don't all have the ability to invest a lot even to just support everyone in their struggles. There are people who champion environmental rights, those who are affected by a particular disease/disorder and fight for medical funding to cure the disease/disorder, as PP pointed out, those who are struggling with being parents of young children, and so on. And each of us has a limited amount of time/energy/sympathy to support as many issues as we have the capacity to do so.

My personal perspective is that you need to open and supportive when you are with the person about their personal situation and causes. If you have reached your limit, the best way is to decrease your interactions with the person. Everyone should be supported by the people in their circle and if we have to fade in and out of each other's circles while we each handle our respective lives and situations, that is how I personally try to handle. I do what I can, be as supportive as I can to everyone. If I feel that I can no longer be as supportive of the person as I think courtesy and respect demand, then I limit my time with the person until I have more capacity to be supportive. I really try to be supportive of everyone around me with their personal struggles and lives, but I have a limit to what I can do. So essentially I try to pace myself within my emotional limits and do what I can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP hee. Thank you both for your replies. The first reply made me realize how important right now are certain issues for the lgbt community, issues that I may have overlooked.
The second reply gave me some grace, the toddler example perfectly described how I feel right now

Things are definitely going downhill quickly in parts of the country. Legalized discrimination is on the table. FL passed a law yesterday that stops nurse practitioners from prescribing hormone therapy to transgender people. 80% of trans people in FL get their HRT from nurse practitioners. I have a friend down there that accessed her HRT from one. DeSantis also signed a law that says that if you're transgender and using the bathroom, any cis person can tell you to leave and if you don't immediately leave the bathroom, it's a criminal misdemeanor with up to a year in prison. FL is literally passing laws to discriminate against transgender people.

[Anonymous]

OP- you could substitute any type of activism here. I have a friend who is an activist for animal rights, it can come across the same way. If people want to have normal, adult friendships, they should use their emotional intelligence and be able to discuss other topics.
Happy to support someone in their cause, but some people become their cause, and it can be difficult to spend time with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP- you could substitute any type of activism here. I have a friend who is an activist for animal rights, it can come across the same way. If people want to have normal, adult friendships, they should use their emotional intelligence and be able to discuss other topics.
Happy to support someone in their cause, but some people become their cause, and it can be difficult to spend time with them.

I was thinking the same thing. During the holocaust Jews wouldn’t stop complaining about concentration camps being and during slavery those damn slaves kept trying to obtain freedom. If certain groups of people would just accept that they are inferior it would make it much easier to like them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP- you could substitute any type of activism here. I have a friend who is an activist for animal rights, it can come across the same way. If people want to have normal, adult friendships, they should use their emotional intelligence and be able to discuss other topics.
Happy to support someone in their cause, but some people become their cause, and it can be difficult to spend time with them.

Yes, it’s super annoying when the suffering of others interferes with your conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP- you could substitute any type of activism here. I have a friend who is an activist for animal rights, it can come across the same way. If people want to have normal, adult friendships, they should use their emotional intelligence and be able to discuss other topics.
Happy to support someone in their cause, but some people become their cause, and it can be difficult to spend time with them.

I was thinking the same thing. During the holocaust Jews wouldn’t stop complaining about concentration camps being and during slavery those damn slaves kept trying to obtain freedom. If certain groups of people would just accept that they are inferior it would make it much easier to like them.

Perfect example of Godwin’s law in this thread.., 🙃

[Anonymous]

Living in your affluent UMC bubble and comparing your subsidized medical care life path (I know it's not a choice for you), to being a Jew in Nazi Germany is sure a breathtaking take.

Meanwhile, in Iran, gay men are all made into women and in Afghanistan, girls are married at 12. Meanwhile, here in the US children are getting pregnant and provided with no support whatsoever, but yes, you can get hormones from Planned Parenthood.

I don't mind your life, despite what you might think. You do you. But don't come to me about being an oppressed class when your bubble of the US is bending over backwards to give you everything you want--up to the point of losing an election.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP hee. Thank you both for your replies. The first reply made me realize how important right now are certain issues for the lgbt community, issues that I may have overlooked.
The second reply gave me some grace, the toddler example perfectly described how I feel right now

Things are definitely going downhill quickly in parts of the country. Legalized discrimination is on the table. FL passed a law yesterday that stops nurse practitioners from prescribing hormone therapy to transgender people. 80% of trans people in FL get their HRT from nurse practitioners. I have a friend down there that accessed her HRT from one. DeSantis also signed a law that says that if you're transgender and using the bathroom, any cis person can tell you to leave and if you don't immediately leave the bathroom, it's a criminal misdemeanor with up to a year in prison. FL is literally passing laws to discriminate against transgender people.

DeSantis is over the moon that you've given him such an easy issue to divide his state and rally conservatives. There are ways to push back that don't involve doubling down on the discussions about kids. They would involve lumping transgender care with all healthcare. Participating in inclusive politics not zero sum.

When you go after girl's sports and women's bodies, you're just fanning the flames. I wish you could see that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP- you could substitute any type of activism here. I have a friend who is an activist for animal rights, it can come across the same way. If people want to have normal, adult friendships, they should use their emotional intelligence and be able to discuss other topics.
Happy to support someone in their cause, but some people become their cause, and it can be difficult to spend time with them.

I was thinking the same thing. During the holocaust Jews wouldn’t stop complaining about concentration camps being and during slavery those damn slaves kept trying to obtain freedom. If certain groups of people would just accept that they are inferior it would make it much easier to like them.

Perfect example of Godwin’s law in this thread.., 🙃

The Nazi’s started by burning books at the institute of sexology. This was the first place transgender bottom surgery was performed and it was the leading research institutes in the world into LGBT issues at the time. Later, the Nazi’s began arresting LGBT people and placing them into concentration camps. This was YEARS before Jewish people were being persecuted by Nazi’s. Now we see books being banned in FL and laws making it so you can’t say gay “for the kids up to third grade”. “Oh did we say third grade? We meant all of high school.” While it does not parallel Nazi’s precisely, DeSantis absolutely has that type of propensity inside of him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP- you could substitute any type of activism here. I have a friend who is an activist for animal rights, it can come across the same way. If people want to have normal, adult friendships, they should use their emotional intelligence and be able to discuss other topics.
Happy to support someone in their cause, but some people become their cause, and it can be difficult to spend time with them.

I was thinking the same thing. During the holocaust Jews wouldn’t stop complaining about concentration camps being and during slavery those damn slaves kept trying to obtain freedom. If certain groups of people would just accept that they are inferior it would make it much easier to like them.

Perfect example of Godwin’s law in this thread.., 🙃

The Nazi’s started by burning books at the institute of sexology. This was the first place transgender bottom surgery was performed and it was the leading research institutes in the world into LGBT issues at the time. Later, the Nazi’s began arresting LGBT people and placing them into concentration camps. This was YEARS before Jewish people were being persecuted by Nazi’s. Now we see books being banned in FL and laws making it so you can’t say gay “for the kids up to third grade”. “Oh did we say third grade? We meant all of high school.” While it does not parallel Nazi’s precisely, DeSantis absolutely has that type of propensity inside of him.

Again, what happened in Nazi Germany was not all about you. Indeed, I doubt the transgender people in Nazi Germany thought that they were women. They were gay men, some of whom crossdressed.

What happened to them was an atrocity. It is not a story you get to appropriate because Florida and, again, it's highly offensive that you try.

Dos Santis is a monster with or without his attack on trans medical services. Sadly, he is a smart monster who knows he can tribalize people quite easy with social issues like this, as you're always willing to go to the mat to defend drag queen storytime and bathrooms.

Neither of which matter, btw. If you want to return to Godwin, I have to point out Hitler gained a lot of ground with ridiculous culture wars too. The example you "should" take from history is not that you are yet another person in a long line who are the most persecuted ever (which is also not true), but that one does not win fighting monsters on their own turf.

Change the narrative. Dos Santis is going after health care, he is corrupt AF, has the personal morals of an alley cat, has extremely dodgy funding, doesn't practice any of the traditional values he preaches, etc. Etc.

You win by attacking here, not playing the victim. And it is playing, for you. You're not in Florda, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP- you could substitute any type of activism here. I have a friend who is an activist for animal rights, it can come across the same way. If people want to have normal, adult friendships, they should use their emotional intelligence and be able to discuss other topics.
Happy to support someone in their cause, but some people become their cause, and it can be difficult to spend time with them.

I was thinking the same thing. During the holocaust Jews wouldn’t stop complaining about concentration camps being and during slavery those damn slaves kept trying to obtain freedom. If certain groups of people would just accept that they are inferior it would make it much easier to like them.

Perfect example of Godwin’s law in this thread.., 🙃

The Nazi’s started by burning books at the institute of sexology. This was the first place transgender bottom surgery was performed and it was the leading research institutes in the world into LGBT issues at the time. Later, the Nazi’s began arresting LGBT people and placing them into concentration camps. This was YEARS before Jewish people were being persecuted by Nazi’s. Now we see books being banned in FL and laws making it so you can’t say gay “for the kids up to third grade”. “Oh did we say third grade? We meant all of high school.” While it does not parallel Nazi’s precisely, DeSantis absolutely has that type of propensity inside of him.

Again, what happened in Nazi Germany was not all about you. Indeed, I doubt the transgender people in Nazi Germany thought that they were women. They were gay men, some of whom crossdressed.

What happened to them was an atrocity. It is not a story you get to appropriate because Florida and, again, it's highly offensive that you try.

Dos Santis is a monster with or without his attack on trans medical services. Sadly, he is a smart monster who knows he can tribalize people quite easy with social issues like this, as you're always willing to go to the mat to defend drag queen storytime and bathrooms.

Neither of which matter, btw. If you want to return to Godwin, I have to point out Hitler gained a lot of ground with ridiculous culture wars too. The example you "should" take from history is not that you are yet another person in a long line who are the most persecuted ever (which is also not true), but that one does not win fighting monsters on their own turf.

Change the narrative. Dos Santis is going after health care, he is corrupt AF, has the personal morals of an alley cat, has extremely dodgy funding, doesn't practice any of the traditional values he preaches, etc. Etc.

You win by attacking here, not playing the victim. And it is playing, for you. You're not in Florda, right?

DP who doesn’t really feel comfortable with comparing modern FL politics to the Holocaust but I want to correct you: there are trans people in Nazi Germany, some of whom were (not “thought they were”) women. Again, I don’t think WWII comparisons are necessary helpful or accurate but please don’t disrespect the LGBTQ+ history of the Weimar Republic and the people who were prosecuted there.

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-forgotten-history-of-the-worlds-first-trans-clinic/